“I don’t hate her for it.” Suddenly weary, Shane scrubbed his hands over his face. “But it’s my life now, Rebecca, my land. I can’t change what happened, and I’m sick of being haunted by it.”
She offered a hand. “Do you know where he’s buried?”
“No, I’ve always shut that part out.” As he’d tried, most of his life, to shut it all out. All those wavering memories, those misty dreams. “I never wanted any part of this.”
“Why did you come in now, tell me now?”
“I don’t know, exactly.” Resigned, he dropped his hands. “I saw him, beside the smokehouse. Bleeding, asking me to help him.” He drew a long breath. “It’s not the first time. I couldn’t not come in, not tell you anymore. You’re part of it. You knew that all along.”
“He’s buried in the meadow,” she murmured. “Wildflowers grow there.” She reached for his hand again, tightened her fingers on his. “Come with me.”
They walked out to
ward the meadow, through the bright wash of sun. The mountains were alive with color, and the flowers underfoot were going to seed. There was the smell of grass and growing things. When she stopped, the tears still fell quietly.
For a moment, she could say nothing, could only stare down at the ground where she had once dropped her first clutch of wildflowers.
“They did their best for him. Not far from here, another man killed a boy simply because of the color of his uniform. These people tried to save one, despite it.” She leaned into Shane when he circled her shoulders with his arm. “They cared.”
“Yeah, they cared. They still can’t leave him here alone.”
“We make parks out of our battlefields to remember,” she said quietly. “It’s important to remember. He needs a marker, Shane. They would have given him one, if they could have.”
Could it be as simple as that? he wondered. And as human? “All right.” He stopped questioning and nodded. “We’ll give him one. And maybe we’ll all have some peace.”
“There’s more love than grief here,” she murmured. “And it is yours, Shane—your home, your land, your heritage. Whatever lives on through it, through you, is admirable. You should be very proud of what you have, and what you are.”
“I always felt as though they were pushing at me. I resented it.” Yet it had eased now, standing there with her in the sun, on his land. “I didn’t see why I should be the one to be weighed down with their problems, their emotions.” He looked over the fields, the hills, and felt most of his weariness pass. “Maybe I do now. It’s always been more mine than any of my brothers’. More even than it was my father’s, my mother’s. We all loved it, we all worked it, but—”
“But you stayed, because you loved it more.” She rose on her toes and kissed him gently. “And you understand it more. You’re a good man, Shane. And a good farmer. I won’t forget you.”
Before he realized what she was doing, she’d turned away. “What are you talking about? Where are you going?”
“I thought you might like some time alone here.” She smiled, brushing at the tears drying on her cheeks. “It seems a personal moment to me, and I really have to finish getting my things together.”
“What things?”
“My things.” She backed away as she spoke. “Now that we’ve settled this, I’m going to stay with Regan for a few days before I go back to New York. I haven’t had as much time to visit with her as I’d planned.”
She might as well have hit him over the head with a hammer. The quiet relief he’d begun to feel at facing what had haunted him was rudely, nastily swallowed up by total panic.
“You’re leaving? Just like that? Experiment’s over, see you around?”
“I’m only going to Regan’s, for a few days. I’ve already stayed here longer than I originally intended, and I’m sure you’d like your house back. I’m very grateful for everything.”
“You’re grateful,” he repeated. “For everything?”
“Yes, very.” She was terrified her smile would waver. Quick, was all she could think, get away quick. “I’d like to stay in touch, if you don’t mind. See how things are going with you.”
“We can exchange cards at Christmas.”
“I think we can do better.” Through sheer grit, she kept that easy smile on her face. “Farm boy, it’s been an experience.”
Mouth slack with shock, he watched her walk away. She was dumping him. She’d just put him through the most emotional, most wrenching, most stunning experience of his life, and she was just walking away.
Well, fine, he thought, scowling at her retreating back. Dandy. That made it clean. He didn’t want complications, or big, emotional parting scenes.
The hell he didn’t.