So you always have. More what this time?
More everything.
And she'd found it, hadn't she? Margo mused. More excitement, more attention, more money. More men.
Now that she had come full circle, what did she have? A new chance. Something of her own. And Josh.
She threw her head back, watched a gull swoop, skim the air, and bullet out to sea. Far out on the diamond-blue water a boat glided, glossy and white, the sun just catching the brass-work to wink and flash. The wind swirled up and spun like a dancer, teasing her hair, whipping at the draping silk of her white tunic.
She felt shockingly alone there, small and insignificant on the high, spearing cliffs, with destruction or glory only a few small steps away.
A metaphor for love? she thought, amused at herself. Deep thoughts had never been her forte. She was alone without him, solitary. If commitment to Josh was like a leap from a cliff, would a woman like her fly up or tumble and crash?
If it was a risk she was willing to take, what would it do to him? Would he trust her? Could he? Would he believe in her, stand with her? Would he, most of all, be willing to hold through all the ups and downs of a life together?
And how, in God's name, had she leaped from love to marriage? Jesus, she was actually thinking of marriage.
She had to sit down.
Shaky, she eased down onto a rock, waited for her breath to come back. Marriage had never been a goal in her life. The engagements had simply been a lark, a tease, no more serious to her than a wink and a smile.
Marriage meant promises that couldn't be broken with a shrug. It meant a lifetime, a sharing of everything. Even children. She shivered once, pressed her hand to her stomach. She wasn't the motherly type. No, no, white picket fences and car pools were light-years out of her realm.
No—she nearly laughed at herself—it wasn't even to be considered. She would live with him. The situation as it was now was perfect. Naturally, it was the way he wanted it as well. She couldn't understand why she'd gotten so worked up over it. The penthouse suite suited their needs, their lifestyles, gave them each a chance to fly off, together or separately, when the whim struck.
Nothing permanent, nothing that hinted at obligation. Of course, that had been the answer all along. Hotel life was in his blood, and it was part of her choice of living. Tired of looking at the same view? Pack up your clothes and find another.
Of course that was what he would want. And what she would be comfortable with.
Then she turned and looked up, higher still, at the house with its rock-solid permanence, its strength and its beauty. Towers added by new generations, colorful tiles set by the old. She knew that memories made there lasted forever. Dreams dreamt there never really faded away. Love spoken there bloomed as free and as wild as the tangled vines of bougainvillea.
But it wasn't hers. A home of her own was something that had always eluded her. She turned away again, looked out to sea, surprised that her eyes were stinging.
What do you want, Margo? What in God's name do you want?
More. More everything.
"Figured you'd be here." Kate dropped down on the rocks beside her. "Good day for sea gazing."
"You must be feeling jazzed this morning." Laura laid a hand on her shoulder. "Last night was a smash, beginning to end."
"She's brooding." Kate rolled her eyes at Laura. "Never satisfied."
"I'm in love with Josh." Margo stared straight ahead when she said it, as if speaking to the wind.
Kate pressed her lips together, considered. Because she couldn't see Margo's eyes behind the shaded lenses, she tipped them down on Margo's nose. "Lowercase or uppercase T?"
"Kate, it's not high school," Laura murmured.
"It's still a relevant question. What's the answer?"
"I'm in love with Josh," Margo repeated. "And he's in love with me. We've lost our minds."
"You mean it," Kate said slowly and shifted her gaze from Margo's eyes to Laura's. "She means it."
"I've got to walk." Margo rose quickly and began to follow the curving line of the cliffs. "I've got all this energy I don't know what to do with. And all these nerves that keep circling around from my head to my gut and back again."
"That doesn't have to be a bad thing," Laura told her.