I huddled and talked, but I was talking over the pulse in my head, the rush of blood in my body. I wanted to be next to Reece. I wanted to take a bite. Instead, I talked. "Kaspar could change form from swan to man at will. Raina used him to see if non-shapeshifters freaked when he changed in the middle of sex."
I felt Micah's reaction even from a distance. Reece looked horrified. "You saw this?"
"No, but Raina took great delight in telling me about it in detail. She tried to get me to watch one of his auditions, but I had better things to do."
"He did this willingly?" Reece asked.
"No," I said. "It was most definitely not his choice. He seemed to hate it."
"We see the fact that we can change forms at will as a great gift. We're one of the few shapeshifters that can do it with ease."
"Is that because your gift is either a curse or a born talent, rather than a disease?"
"We think so," he said.
"Kaspar was under a curse," I said.
"Are you wondering about me?"
Actually I was watching the way his Adam's apple bobbed when he talked, and wondering what it would feel like to fix teeth in his throat, but that was probably a fact best kept to myself. I kept talking, but I think both Micah and Rafael knew how ragged my control was. I hugged myself and kept talking, because silence filled with awful images, terrible desires.
"Yeah, I'm wondering," I said.
"I was born a swan king."
"You were born a swan king, not a swanmane. Does that mean you're male? Is swanmane only used for women?"
He looked at me, studying my face. "I was born to be their king. I'm the first king in over a century."
"Everybody else is chosen to lead, or fights for the right, but you make it sound like a hereditary monarchy," I said.
"It is, but it's not bloodlines that makes the difference, though being a swanmane either runs in your family or it doesn't. But I didn't inherit the title."
"Then how did you know?" I asked.
His eyes had gotten dark, dark gray like storm clouds. "The answer to that is somewhat intimate."
"I'm sorry, I didn't know."
"I'll give you the answer you seek, if you answer a rather delicate question for me."
We stared at each other. My heart rate was almost normal again. I could look at him without smelling the blood under his skin. Talking, listening, doing somewhat normal things had helped. I was a person, with speech and higher functions, not an animal. I could do this. Really. I eased out of my little ball, slowly.
"Ask and I'll let you know," I said.
"Did you kill Kaspar Gunderson, the last swan king?"
I blinked at him. That was unexpected. The sheer surprise made my pulse rate speed up a touch. "No, no, I didn't."
"Do you know who did?"
I blinked at him again. I wondered if I could lie and if he would be able to tell, or not. I finally stuck to the truth. "Yes."
"Who?"
I shook my head. "That I won't answer."
"Why not?"
"Because I would have killed Kaspar myself if he hadn't gotten away."
"I know he was responsible for several deaths, and that he tried to kill you and some of your friends," Reece said.
"It was a little more diabolical than that," I said. "He was taking money from hunters and supplying them with shifters."
Reece nodded. "He also made the swanmanes in his care into victims. I think that's what he and the old lupa shared--sexual sadism."
"That's why your girls, as you put it, were at the club with Nathaniel."
"Yes, I don't play those sorts of games, and they've grown to crave it."
I nodded. "I sympathize," I said.
"You've answered my questions truthfully, I can do no less." He started unbuttoning his shirt.
I looked at Micah, who shrugged. I looked at Rafael, who shook his head. Nice that none of us knew why he was undressing.
He left the overshirt tucked in but started pulling the undershirt out of his pants. He was about to bare his soft underbelly, and I wasn't a hundred percent sure my control was up to seeing it. My pulse was in my throat again. Since apparently neither of the men was going to ask, I asked, "Why are you undressing?"
"To show you the symbol of my kingship."
I stared at him. "Excuse me?"
Reece frowned at me. "Don't worry, Ms. Blake, I'm not about to flash you."
"I'm not worried about you flashing me, Reece, it's that ..." but I never finished, because he'd bared the white, white skin of his stomach. In the darkened car I could still see the pulse just behind his belly button. Hell, I could almost taste it in my mouth, as if I'd already sunk teeth into that tender flesh, as if I was already eating my way through to more vital things. Something was odd about the hair on his chest. It was almost too fine, too thin, too delicate, running in a dainty white line down the center of his chest and spreading in an upside down triangle around his belly button then down into his pants.
I was on the floorboard crawling towards him, and I didn't remember getting there. I stopped, pressed against Micah's legs. "I don't remember leaving my seat. I'm losing time."
Micah put his hands on my shoulders. "It happens when your beast controls you, at first. The first few full moons will be almost complete blackouts, until you can begin to access the memories, and that will take work."
Reece had leaned back across the seat, half-reclining, and started to undo his belt.
This close I could see, or thought I saw what was wrong with the hair on his chest and stomach. I tried to move forward, but Micah held me, hands tightening on my shoulders. I stretched out my hand and could brush fingertips over Reece's stomach. The light touch of my fingers over his skin made him stop fussing with his belt, made him look at me.
It wasn't hair. "Feathers," I said, softly, "like the down on a baby chicken, so soft." I wanted to run my hands over the surprising texture of it, to roll my body across the feathers and the heat of his skin. I could hear his heart in his chest pounding, and when I looked up, I met his gaze. His pulse was in his neck, like a trapped thing, and I could taste his fear. That one touch of my hand, the soft, dreamy quality of my voice had frightened him.
Micah's arms wrapped around my neck and shoulders and drew me in against his body with his legs on either side of me. He leaned over me, his face pressed to mine, and said, "Ssshhh, Anita, ssshhh." But it was more than a soothing voice. I could feel his beast calling to mine, as if he'd rolled his hand through my body, but so much larger. And that touch made my body tighten, grow wet. It brought my own pulse into my throat.
"What did you do?" I sounded breathless.
"The hunger can be turned to sex," Micah said.
"I wasn't going to feed," I said.
"Your skin went hot. Our bodies spike a temperature just before we change, like a human before a seizure."
I turned, still held in his arms, half-pinned between his knees. "You thought I was going to change?"
"It usually takes weeks, or at least the first full moon, for the first shape change. But you seem to be gaining problems faster than normal. If you changed for the first time here, I don't think either Rafael or I would be able to keep you from tearing Reece up."
"The first change is very violent," Rafael said, "and even the backseat of a limo doesn't have much room to hide or to run in."
Reece looked at me from only inches away, held in Micah's arms, his body, and I knew that it wasn't romantic. He was holding on in case the sex as distraction didn't work. "She's been Nimir-Ra for over a year," Reece said.
"But still human, until recently," Rafael said.
Reece stared at me for a second or two, then said, "Very well, I have a birthmark in the shape of a swan. My family knew from my birth what I was meant to be."
"I've heard of such things," Micah said, "but I thought it was legend."
Reece shook his head. "It's very true." He sat back in his seat, tucking his undershirt down in front.
"Kaspar had feathers instead of hair on his head," I said.
"I'm told that if I live long enough that gradually that will happen to me." There was something in his voice that said he wasn't looking forward to the prospect.
"You don't sound happy," I said.
He frowned at me, rebuttoning his shirt. "You were human once, Ms. Blake, I've never been human. I was born a swan king. I was raised to take my place as their king from my earliest memories. You have no idea what that's like. I insisted on going to college, on getting a degree, but I may never get to use it, because going from place to place caring for the other swans keeps me very busy."
I stayed in the circle of Micah's body, but the tension was draining away, "I saw my first soul when I was ten, and my first ghost earlier than that, Reece. At thirteen I accidentally raised my dog that had died. I've never been human Reece, trust me on that."
"You sound bitter about it," he said.
I nodded. "Oh, yeah."
"You must both accept who and what you are, or you will make yourselves miserable," Rafael said.
We both looked at him, and I don't think either look was friendly. "Give me a week or two to come to terms with being a kitty cat," I said.