It had been her turn to sigh, to soften her manner. ‘You’re right,’ she’d conceded. ‘And I apologise for implying that you would. But you must see, Leon,’ she’d gone on quickly before the triumph grew too bright in his black eyes, ‘that I have to have time to think about this!’
A point he had conceded grudgingly. ‘Next week,’ had been his parting shot. ‘I will be here next week and I will expect your answer then.’ The kiss he had issued then had been so sweetly possessive that she had almost caved in and said yes there and then. But something held her back, she wasn’t sure what.
Just as something held her back from telling Trina, she acknowledged with a frown, wondering if it was the same elusive ‘thing’.
Sighing, she turned over and punched her pillow into a more comfortable shape. She didn’t know what she was doing, lying here in the middle of the night wondering about what she was going to do when she already knew, if she was honest, how she was going to say, Yes, please, to him, because, from the first time she’d ever seen him, she had not been able to deny him anything.
Then, two things happened in quick succession during that week to change her mind irrevocably.
The first was on Wednesday morning, when Josh came striding into the office with all of his old energy back. Instead of stalking straight by her desk with a grunted ‘hello’ as had become his habit, he stopped in front of her, leaned down and banged the desk-top in exhilaration.
‘She got rid of it!’ he announced in gleaming triumph.
‘Got rid of what?’ she frowned. ‘Who?’
‘Cassie!’ he cried. ‘She got rid of it, and I suddenly feel so free it’s like walking on air!’
She didn’t know where it came from, but, on an acid surge of bitter, vile-tasting disgust, she shot to her feet, a dark red tide of anger swimming across her vision as she struck out with the flat of her hand.
‘You bastard!’ she breathed out contemptuously as he leapt back in stunned amazement. ‘You nasty—selfish—evil bastard! How dare you come in here dancing with joy when you should be huddling in some dark corner somewhere cringing in shame? God, you make me feel sick!’
And she was, violently sick, only just making it to the bathroom before she threw up. When she went back to her office, Josh wasn’t there, the door to his office firmly shut. She didn’t even think twice about it. She just gathered her personal things together and walked out. She could not go on working for a man who could behave like that. It went against the grain of every moral code she believed in.
Trina was in the flat when she got in, working on her books at the kitchen table.
‘I’m ill,’ was all Jemma could manage to say. ‘I’m going to bed...’ She turned away, her senses still too sickened by Josh to want to talk even to Trina about it.
But Trina had other ideas. ‘For God’s sake, Jemma!’ she snapped out impatiently. ‘Don’t you think it’s about time you faced it? If you leave it much longer, the shock of it could do you some physical harm!’
‘What shock?’ she asked blankly. ‘Face up to what, for goodness’ sake?’
Trina stared at her, her expression almost comically tragic. ‘Come on, sweetheart,’ she sighed. ‘You’re not that thick! He’ll notice if you’re not careful, and then where will you be?’
Notice? she repeated in her head. Notice what?
But even as she was thinking it, she was beginning to tremble, her body lowering itself carefully into a chair, eyes going dark with horror.
‘Oh, God!’ she choked, and buried her face in her hands.
Pregnant. The elusive little thing which had held her back from giving Leon an answer to his proposal. The same elusive little thing which had held her back from telling Trina what he had offered. And the same elusive thing that had made her react so violently to what Josh had said.
Pregnant. Her body had known for weeks, her mind probably for just as long! Only she’d blocked it out, refusing to so much as think about it—not daring to think about it because she knew exactly what it would mean to her relationship with Leon.
‘Oh, God!’ she whispered again and slipped into deep, silent tears.
‘Oh, Jemma!’ Trina sighed, coming to squat down beside her. Then, exasperatedly, as if she couldn’t help herself, ‘What did you think was happening to you when you’ve gone two months without a period?’
‘One,’ Jemma choked.
‘Two,’ insisted Trina, then very gently, ‘Darling, you haven’t had a period since you started going out with Leon! Think about it—that’s been over two months now!’
Two—two months? She stared unbelievingly into Trina’s anxious eyes, then burst into tears again. She was right—so damned right! And she’d just thrust the knowledge away as if doing so would make the situation go away! But it hadn’t—well, it couldn’t!
Oh, what was she going to do?
* * *
‘When will you tell him?’ Trina asked quietly later when the storm of shocked weeping had abated and she’d managed to get Jemma undressed and into bed.