Both Katelynn and Belle reach out to tenderly pat my shoulders.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Dr. Winters says, and her voice is soft with the kind of sympathy that could have the power to bring back those stupid tears.
Tears I don’t think Jude Winslow deserves from me.
“Is it wrong if I ask her what her feelings for him were?” Katelynn directs her question to Dr. Winters. “Is that too pushy?”
“What do you think, Sophie?” Dr. Winters asks, glancing between my eldest sister and me. “Is Katelynn’s question too pushy for you? Or are you willing to answer it?”
There’s a large part of me that doesn’t want to answer, but that would defeat the whole purpose of asking my sisters to come to this appointment with me.
“It’s okay, Kate,” I finally say and offer a small, albeit pathetic, smile in her direction. “My feelings, well, I…was in love with him. Am in love with. Currently trying not to be in love with him.”
“That…sucks,” Katelynn responds, and I let out a humorless laugh.
“That it does.”
“So, tell me, Sophie,” Dr. Winters begins, switching gears a little. “What made you decide to bring your sisters to today’s appointment?”
“Well…” I pause and try to find the right words to a difficult question. “I’m not entirely sure why I wanted them here, but I think it’s because I just need them to know more about me. More about what’s going on with me.”
“Good. I think that’s great, Sophie,” Dr. Winters says, nodding, and then she directs her focus toward Belle and Katelynn.
“How did it make you two feel when you found out that Sophie has been going to therapy?”
“I mostly just felt like I dropped the ball somewhere along the line.” Katelynn is the first to answer. “I’m busy with my toddlers and my job and my husband, and I feel like I haven’t been there for Sophie as much as she needed me to be.”
I grimace at the mere idea that Katelynn feels like she let me down. But before I can chime in, Dr. Winters is redirecting the question to my twin.
“And what about you, Belle?”
Belle looks at me and then back at Dr. Winters. “To be honest, I was a little shocked because I don’t know why she wouldn’t tell me that. It’s as if Sophie felt like she needed to hide it from me, and that makes me feel sad. I don’t want her to feel like she needs to hide anything from me.”
“Why do you think she would hide something like going to therapy from you?”
“I don’t know.” Belle shrugs. “Maybe because she thought I would judge her?”
Shit. That makes me feel even worse than Katelynn’s answer.
“Sophie? Do you have anything you want to say to your sisters after hearing their responses?”
“I do.” I sigh and resign myself to stay on this open and honest track, no matter how difficult and bumpy it feels. “Katelynn, you haven’t let me down. Anytime I’ve really needed you, you’ve dropped everything for me. Take Thursday, for example. You took time off work, found a babysitter for the boys, and came into the city to be with me. And even though I didn’t expand much on what was going on, you were there, helping me take my mind off things I wasn’t ready to face. Just being exactly what I needed from my big sister.”
“Really?” Katelynn questions, and tears start to form a small sheen over her eyes.
“Really. I love you. And I’m incredibly grateful for you.”
“Ditto, Soph.” One small tear slips down her cheek, and that spurs emotion to form behind my own eyes.
“And what about Belle?” Dr. Winters asks me. “Is there anything you want to say to her now that you’ve heard her initial reaction to your being in therapy?”
“Belly, I love you, dearly, and even though there’re times you can have dramatic reactions to things, if there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that you will never judge me. You will always accept me for who I am.”
“I will, I swear.”
I nod. “I know.”
“I love you too, by the way.”
I smile at her, and before I know it, all three of us Sage sisters are blubbering into tissues that Dr. Winters places in our hands. She gives us a minute to get it together but, eventually, keeps the session moving in a productive direction.
“Sophie, have you told your sisters why you started therapy and why you decided to stay in therapy?”
I shake my head.
“Are you ready to tell them?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. But then, I nod. “I guess that’s probably why I brought them here, huh?”
Dr. Winters smiles knowingly. “I think it is.”
I look at both Katelynn and Belle, and once I find the strength and the right words, I tell them why I started therapy. That after Mimi died, I took it pretty hard and needed someone neutral and outside of the family to talk to, and how I think that was mostly because I didn’t want to burden them with my grief when I knew they were grieving too.