“What truth? We don’t even know what really happened that night, Jamison. We were stupid drunk kids.”
“I know,” he says, “but I still thought he should know about it. At least what we know. But I didn’t think… I had no idea he’d take it like that.”
“Like what?” I ask, fear for Jake and terror that I might have lost him again making my stomach lurch. “What happened? Where did he go?”
“I don’t know. We were talking and then…” He sighs and lifts a hand to his forehead, his fingers digging into his temples. “It wasn’t going the way I thought it would. He looked so hurt—like I’d killed his fucking puppy or something. Just…destroyed.”
“And how did you think he’d feel?” I suck in a ragged breath. “Grateful? Happy?”
“I don’t know what I thought,” he says in a louder voice. “It just seemed wrong to pretend it hadn’t happened. To let him fall in love with you again while you lied to him about everything.”
“I wasn’t lying about anything,” I say, my tone cutting. “I love Jake. Completely. With every piece of my heart and soul. And because I love him, I realized all that old shit needed to stay in the past. For his own good.”
I swallow, fighting to keep my voice steady as tears fill my eyes. “Keeping that stupid night from him wasn’t a lie. It was a mercy. That night meant nothing then, and it means less than nothing now. I’m not that dumb kid who got blackout drunk with you anymore, and I never will be again. There was no reason for Jake to know that story. All knowing is going to do is…break him.”
Jamison exhales long and slow, sending up a steady stream of white. “I felt like shit after I told him. I said he could hit me if he wanted. I didn’t think he’d do it, but then he fucking did.” Jamison dabs at his lip with his thumb, wincing as he touches the split skin before casting a worried glance toward the road. “He was in the truck before I could get up off the ground.”
I bite my bottom lip and will myself not to cry.
I have to pull it together. Tears aren’t going to accomplish anything. I have to find Jake and explain this. I have to make him see that this doesn’t change anything, not really, not in any way that matters.
I have to go after him. Right now.
I hold out my hand, palm up. “Give me your keys.”
Jamison frowns. “I don’t think you should—”
“Give me your keys,” I repeat.
“Naomi, he’s so angry,” he says. “He won’t want to see you. Let him cool off and—”
“No. He’s not going to cool off; he’s going to shut down, maybe permanently. I have to find him before that happens.”
“Then let me go, maybe I can—”
“You can what? Get punched again?” I shake my head. “No. You don’t deserve it, and Jake will regret every punch he throws tonight. I know him. This isn’t who he is.”
Jamison cocks his head, studying me a moment before he says, “You really don’t think I deserve it?”
I sigh and shiver again. “No, Jamison. We were dumb kids. And it was so long ago. Can’t you see it doesn’t matter?”
“If that’s true then… Why can’t Jake see that? Why is he flipping out if there’s nothing to flip out about?”
“Because he’s Jake.” I shrug. “It’s so hard for him to let his guard down and he’s so tough on himself when he makes a mistake. And he hates to feel like a fool. I’m sure this—the two of us having a secret for so long—makes him feel pretty stupid. But he’s not stupid.” I roll my shoulders back, standing up a little straighter. “And we aren’t, either. The only stupid thing would be to let a mistake we made as kids ruin our relationships now. This is a whole lot of crazy over nothing, and I will find a way to make everything okay again.” Or die trying, I add silently. To Jamison I say, “But I need your keys.”
After a beat, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his key ring. “I’m the red Mustang. Under the trees on the other side of the house.”
I snatch them from his hand and start to cut through the garden, but spin back when he calls out, “I’m sorry, Naomi. Really sorry. Tell Jake, too, will you? When you find him.”
I nod. “I will.”
Jamison can be impulsive and hold a grudge like nobody’s business, but he has a good heart. And he loves his brother so much.
Hopefully the two of us will both get to keep loving Jake.
I just have to find the right words to get through to him before it’s too late.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jake
I drive deep into the dark countryside, not sure where I’m going, just that I need to get away from Bliss River, away from my house and Naomi’s dresses spread out across my bed from where she tried on half a dozen things before we left for the ball tonight.