I felt her hands on my wrists gently, “Hey? Sorry…”
“Oh god.” I was on my knees on the kitchen floor, “Oh god. Oh god.”
“Oh fuck! I’m so sorry!” she said.
I was sobbing and my hands were back over my eyes.
“Angel, I’m sorry!”
I couldn’t get myself together. I buried my face in my knees and then I was sobbing uncontrollably on the kitchen floor.
“What can I do? Can I get you something?”
I couldn’t answer. I saw his face, I heard his voice, I felt the lash of his belt, the bite of the shackles. I smelled the stench of death. I couldn’t stop cryin
g. I gagged a few times, bile rising in my throat. It’d been more than a year since I saw his corpse but the mere mention of his name and I was a total mess.
The tears wouldn’t stop, the shaking wouldn’t stop. Lisa reached over to touch my shoulder but I completely lost it. “Don’t, don’t, don’t.” I scurried to the corner. It felt like I was back in that room, chained to that bed, smelling that smell, feeling his cold body against mine.
I heard Lisa on the phone.
“Dare, can you come back? I talked about someone at the resort and it triggered an anxiety attack or something. She’s on the kitchen floor. No, just crying and rocking. Okay. Angel? He’s coming. It’s okay.”
Dare
I burst into the apartment and Lisa was standing at the sink with a helpless look on her face and when I got closer I saw that Angel was huddled in a ball on the kitchen floor against the corner cupboard. I reached down and touched her and she flinched.
“Baby, it’s okay. You okay?” I scooped her up and gave Lisa a nod, “I’ve got this. Can you wait a few?”
She nodded.
“We’ll talk in a few minutes,” I said and took Angel, who was holding herself and shaking hard with her eyes shut tight and took her into the bedroom and got her on the bed.
“Baby?”
“Oh god, oh god, oh god.”
“Angel!” I got louder. She didn’t reply. She curled into a ball on her side on the bed.
“What is it, baby?”
She took handfuls of her hair into her hands and the pain on her face hit me right in the gut.
“Help,” she pleaded in a small voice.
“What can I do?”
“Help. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…”
I reached over and took her wrists away from her ears and pinned them over her head.
“Need me to make you come, baby? Will that help?”
She nodded a little and was shuddering from all the crying.
“Lay down.” I sat.
“I need it to hurt, Master. Can you please make it hurt first?”