“I—”
Amy’s not done. “I swear, Malcolm, if you hurt her more, I will kick your ass.”
I smile at that. “I don’t want to hurt her. I promise.”
She glares at me. “We’ll see.”
She will see. First, I just have to find Brooke.
8
Malcolm
Amy was right. Brooke isn’t answering her phone, and she’s not at my apartment. Or at hers. I feel sick, knowing that she’s somewhere imagining the worst of me. Because I told her I thought the worst of her.
I decide to go to my office because the thought of being in my apartment without her is unbearable now. She belongs there. With me. I don’t know if I can bear to live there if she doesn’t forgive me. That’s how deeply I’ve fallen in love with her.
I stop in the lobby of the building, stock still.
Brooke.
I’m in love with her. Wholly and completely.
The fact that I didn’t see that before…holy fuck, I’m more of an idiot than I thought.
God, I need a drink. It’s getting late. Hopefully tomorrow Brooke will come home, or she’ll go to her apartment. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop calling her, or looking. Because I need to know that she’s okay and to get on my knees and fucking apologize.
I’m not even looking where I’m walking, and the gasp makes me snap my head up. She’s here. Sitting at her desk, face stained with tears.
“Brooke.”
She stands and rolls her eyes. “I hoped that you wouldn’t come looking here.”
I shake my head. “I wasn’t looking. This was the only place I could come that I could bear to be. I couldn’t stay at home without you there.
“I swear, Brooke, I turned around as soon as I left. I…I’m an idiot. And there’s something you don’t know. It wasn’t fair of me to take it out on you. When I saw you kiss him—” I cut myself off and clear my throat. “I had a flashback.”
“So I’m just supposed to listen to whatever you have to say, and just get over what you said.”
I take a step towards her and stop. “No. I can’t ask you to do that. But I hope I can tell you what happened, and you’ll just hear it. Then you can decide whatever you want. I deserve that.”
Slowly, Brooke nods and walks into my office. “Only if you give me a drink.”
“That, I can do.”
I pour her one, and one for myself as well. As much as I want to go to her, I stay near the window and give her space. The ache to touch her is so strong, it’s worse than any pain I still feel over Ella. “Three years ago, I thought I was in love. I guess I was in love. Her name was Ella.”
In the reflection of the glass I see Brooke take a long swig of her drink.
“I’ll spare you the details of how happy we were. Or how happy I thought that we were. Until I walked into her office and saw her kissing someone else. If I’d been five minutes later, it would have been more than kissing.”
“Oh.” The word is a soft breath.
“So…at the theater, when I saw him kiss you…I had a flashback. And it wasn’t fair of me to take it out on you. I wasn’t thinking clearly, and I know that’s not an excuse.”
I look at her, and she’s looking into the distance. “I never told you why I want to be an actor, did I?”
Not exactly the response that I was expecting. “No.”
She smiles, though still not looking at me. Like she’s imagining or remembering. “My mother was an actor. And she was…amazing. If she’d wanted to, she could have taken Hollywood by storm. But she preferred the stage. She…” Brooke pauses and sips the last of her drink. “She got sick and passed away when I was ten. And ever since then I’ve wanted to be just like her. Acting makes me feel close to her.”
“I’m so sorry, Brooke.”
Looking at me now, her eyes are watery. “So when you said those things, all I could think about was her and how, if I couldn’t do this, then would I be losing her?” Brooke shakes her head. “You’re not the only one who put their trauma on someone else.”
I put my drink on the desk and go to her now. “You can’t quit the play. Hate me or not, be with me or not, you can’t quit. You’re too good. You’re fucking brilliant, and I won’t be the reason that your dream ends. I can’t live with that.”
Brooke stands, and I don’t move. I don’t dare. Because if I move, I’m going to wrap her up and never let her go, and she needs to be able to walk away if she wants to. But she walks toward me, and suddenly I’m unable to breathe.