Much easier than talking to Tia, but much less thrilling at the same time.
No, stop thinking about Tia. She isn’t here right now. Avery is. Focus on her.
But even Avery’s face molds into Tia’s and I can’t seem to help myself. She’s all of me. This is hell.
***
“Home alone,” I mutter with a sad head shake looking around the massive building that usually provides comfort to me but now is just lonely. That word just keeps coming up today. “How the hell has that happened?”
Avery was nice enough. She was a nice enough person, and I suppose that talking to her did help a bit, but it was a temporary fix. A tiny Band-Aid over the gaping bloody wound. I left it with her on good terms, I’m sure she assumed at some point that it wasn’t ever going to go anywhere, and I don’t regret that.
The Band-Aid would have melted away soon enough anyway. The wound isn’t going anywhere.
I wander through the house, refusing to look at the staircase as I go. It’s hard because it’s the center of my house, but I have to. Or I will think about Tia’s pert little butt in the air, inviting me in.
“Fucking hell, she’s everywhere!” I groan with my head in my hands. “What am I going to do?”
I could get back on the phone and do some more research, but that really isn’t a great plan. I got lost in it already, and I honestly don’t think there is anything useful and new that I can learn about Tia. I am done with that. It’s already late and I do have work tomorrow, so the best idea would be for me to sleep… but my brain is wired. It’s all on edge and I don’t think I can switch it off.
There’s only one option. I need to have a shower. It’s the only thing that can calm my stressed out muscles down with the hot jets of water. I just hope that it works or I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.
Chapter Eleven – Tia
“So, you really don’t want to find out more about him?” Rae hisses to me. “Even now?”
I laugh and shake my head. “No, I really don’t. It’s been over a month anyway since I last saw him.”
“You’re acting like you’re completely over him.” Rae pouts out her bottom lip. “I don’t know if you are.”
I don’t know if I am either, but that doesn’t mean I’m about to go back down this road. It’s a little annoying really, every single time I’m with Rae she brings Shane up which isn’t helping me to get over him at all, but I can’t say anything. She’s the only person I have connected with since being here. I can put up with it.
“I’m more concerned with the auditions that have been going on at the moment. Such as this one.”
I lean forward in the chair I’m sitting in and look at the long line of hopefuls beside Rae and I. All of them have the slightly resigned expression that I’m starting to know well. This is hard. It’s grueling actually, and emotionally draining. Putting my everything into my dream to be rejected over and over is a pain, but it is a part of it. I knew that when I came out here and now I just need to be ready to live with it.
“Why? Because you haven’t heard anything back yet from any of the others?”
“Nope, not yet. But I suppose I will eventually. When I’m right for a part.”
“It’s difficult. I mean, I’ve been out here for about eighteen months longer than you and I’m still waiting for my big break.” Rae doesn’t look upset by this. Maybe a little pissed off. “It’ll happen, I’m sure it will.”
I nod, trying to soak that in. I’m really trying to go for every audition with positivity, hoping that will help me stand out. Not many of these jaded actresses smile a lot, so I’m hoping that will help me.
“Yeah, I’m sure you’re right. It has to happen, doesn’t it? Or there isn’t any point.”
I’m a little nervous as Rae opens her mouth, I half expect her to say something that will put me on the edge all over again, but before that can happen she is called into the room which is a bit of a relief for me. I like coming to these things with her, it’s good to have that support, but I also need a moment to gather myself back up again. I need to get in the right frame of mind before I get in there. That’s the only way that I can wow them.
It’s going to be fine, I try my hardest to convince myself. I’m going to kick ass.
I just wish that Rae hadn’t brought up Shane because now he’s in the back of my brain, doing my head in. I really have been doing what I can to get past him, to forget about what happened, including all the times that I acted like a different person. The sort of person who’s willing to have sex in public…