Dean looks down and his hands go over his face, “Zoe, that’s the think about you I always liked. You just know and you don’t make a big deal out of it. I wish I had listened to you that night and for a little bit I wondered but then Taylor comes at me all loud and telling me I’m stupid and I just dug my heels in. I got what I deserved, you two were my friends and trying to help me but all I heard was don’t do it and I was damned if anyone told me what to do.
She bled me dry and then some, the credit card bills come and I can’t bring myself to open them. All I have left are some CD’s I had in the bank that are so small that cashing them in would be more of a pain than waiting until they mature.”
“Dean, Taylor really needs you right now. We need you very badly, I told you I won’t tell Taylor anything and I mean it. As far as I’m concerned if he had kept his mouth shut like I told him to, you would have seen who she was without feeling like you had to get away from it all and come to Dallas. I’m sure you can talk him into the raise you missed out on. Come stay at the house and go in on Monday with me and you two can talk. Just don’t do that cocky thing you do where you overplay your hand.”
“Damn Zoe, I’ve missed you. Okay, let me get dressed and packed.”
“We’ll be in the truck.” Sam’s words are clipped as he opens the door.
Dean nods, “Yeah, grandma isn’t exactly a sweetheart.”
Sam leads me out with an arm around my waist. The old woman is no where to be found and we make our escape. Outside, Sam lifts me into the truck. I move as close to him as I can get and there will be barely enough room for Dean. A curse word is an exhale on Sam’s lips and I know he’s looking at the same thing I am, the small amount of space for Dean. I reach up and kiss him.
“Don’t worry, Dean can be as possessive as you so he’ll cling to the door and won’t make any sudden movements.” I caress his cheek and he looks down at me. “Plus, I kind of don’t care about Dean, all I think about is you.” He likes that and his kiss is hot and hungry and it doesn’t stop until the door to the truck closes. Embarrassed I pull back and Sam eyes Dean with annoyance.
The drive back to Austin isn’t as tense as I had feared. Sam and Dean talked about their shared background. Dean was a former Green Beret and they had been in the same spots. I let their talk float over me, happy that Dean is coming back and knowing that Taylor would be too.
Once we get home Sam tugs me into our bedroom and brings me down on him. “I can’t fucking believe I’m asking this because it will just piss me off but have you been with him? Does he know your body?”
Laughing is bad but I can’t help it. “You are such a caveman and I’m pretty sure some feminist is going to knock on the door and take my card away because I don’t know why but it turns me on. Why is that?”
“Boundaries create safety, when it’s clear that boundaries will be enforced the feeling of safety is deeper. Now has he touched you?”
Shaking my head I kiss his chest. “No, I did tell him no bear hugs because he would hug me and twirl me around because he thought it was hilarious how small I am but no, no kissing either.”
Sam sighs and I smile, then he grows serious again. “It’s killing me, I want to know but I don’t. How many men have touched you? You go down on me and I wonder how many have known the pleasure of your mouth and I want to break them all.”
I laugh, I can’t help it, I am so wet at his angry words I want him inside me immediately. I straddle him and take off my shirt and my bra follows fast. “I have only been with three other people, two men and the first one was the one who made sure I knew all I needed to know about taking you in my mouth. And when you’re inside me and touching me they fade like a bad memory.”
He goes still and rolls me under him. “You’ve been with a woman?”
I blush and nod. “But not for long, it was a mistake. I used her and I shouldn’t have.”
His face hardens, “That bitch took advantage of you.” It’s a statement.
Shaking my head in shame, it’s hard to meet his eyes. “No, Sam, I took advantage of her, I used her. After my first boyfriend, the sex was so painful and abusive I didn’t think I would ever want that again. She was safer and I wanted to know if I even could be with another person after that.”
“Bullshit, how much wine did you have to force down before you let her go farther than a kiss and coping a feel.”
“How do you know that?” I’m so stunned the words slide out.
“Because you weren’t attracted to her like that and she says you used her. It was bullshit, she was shooting the shit back at you that she was feeling.”
I’m shaking my head, that can’t be right.
“Damn it, Zoe, were you drunk when you came down on me and got so wet your panties were soaked? Were you drunk before you let those other men touch you?”
I had a glass of wine before I knew Troy would make his move but I hadn’t emptied nearly an entire bottle of wine the way I had with Tracy.
“When you want someone you don’t have to get drunk to be with them. She knew you weren’t really interested the way she was but you weren’t running so she basically did what she had to do to get you to do what she wanted.”
He’s right and all the guilt I had for using her flows right out of me. I look up at him and pull him down to me. “Thank you. I’m sorry if it annoys you I’ve been with other people.”
Shaking his head he exhales slow, “It doesn’t annoy me and don’t apologize. I told you I’m possessive and yeah I want to break them for having gotten to you first but you could have told me you’d been with a football team and I wouldn’t have cared. That was then and this is now, now it’s just me and that’s all that really matters.”
It’s what he says but again and again he takes me, as if trying to imprint his body alone on me and I love it. I love when he pulls me on him and he’s so deep there’s nowhere inside me he isn’t touching. He moves me on him but I see it and feel it, he’s holding back from me.
“Let go, Sam, give it all to me.” I demand as I stop moving and lean down and kiss him hard.