I go easily when Alex pulls me into his lap. Wrapping my arms around his middle, I sink into him. Wracking my mind for something to say, I can’t think of anything. Alex has made it okay for the silence to not always be filled with something. Even as I settle against him, content in the silence the words slide out. “I love you.”
Underneath me, his whole body tenses and I realize I said them out loud, and I’m tense now too. Rolling me underneath him, his hands go into my hair to pull me up to look at him. Fear disappears at the expression on his face, awe and happiness and shockingly of all, love. “Say it again, please, baby.”
“I love you.” It’s even easier now that I know he feels the same way.
Closing his eyes, he seems to savor the words, when he opens them they’re sapphire dark with emotion. “Thank you, I have loved you for so long. I was afraid to push you too fast.”
Curiosity fills me, “How long?”
“From almost the beginning, probably the second month I was there. I walked into your office and you practically hissed at me. There was a fire inside you yet this need to protect yourself. I wanted to know why, and what drove it, and then I wanted it all to myself. You were all I saw and thought about after that.”
Stunned by his admission, I remember the moment he was talking about and remember the mood changing in my office and losing breath at it. I hadn’t understood what it was or why, only been afraid of how powerful it felt. “The first night, you said I wasn’t ready to know what you wanted.”
“Mm, not that night, no. I want it all. I almost told you when I forgot the condom except you still seemed skittish.”
“Me?” There’s a part of me that feels like it’s all a dream.
“Yes, you. All of you, and it makes me a little crazy that even now you question your worth. You are a beautiful, intelligent, vibrant woman and I’m the lucky one. Your mom and Larry, they were miserable people. They don’t deserve the power they had over you. Haven’t Tim and Edward shown you what a good person you are, that you deserve all the good things you have?”
His mention of Tim and Edward has me feeling guilty. They had often showered me with praise. I also know I’m only one of two people they offered to send back to school. Was me leaving now, disloyal?
“Grace? I don’t like that look on your face.” I try to hide, I don’t want to ruin this moment, this night, this memory. “Damn it, Grace, tell me what’s going on inside that head of yours.”
Now that he knows, he won’t let it go. “I’m going to leave the company.”
Alex looks like I’ve slapped him, his head going back, and he rolls off and away from me. His hand in his hair, he’s off the bed and walking out of the room. I want to stay in here and hide but I don’t dare. Alex had made it clear he didn’t want us to disagree in the bedroom. The few squabbles we’ve had, he dragged me into the living room and set me on the couch.
I go into the living room, he’s not there. I find him in the kitchen leaning against the counter, swallowing deeply from a bottle of beer. Shit, Alex isn’t much of a drinker. The twelve pack had been brought over by Marley and her roommate, and they’d drunk most of them. It was only here because they hadn’t wanted to carry the rest home.
Waiting is torture, he doesn’t say anything, just keeps drinking. “Alex, this is the best thing for me. I want to do this so I have something that’s mine, something no one can take away from me. If I’m working until nine o’clock at night, it’s for my success, it’s for my bottom line. Please understand that.”
“No one is taking anything away from you!” The bottle clanks on the granite countertop. I jump, surprised it doesn’t break.
“For ten years, I worked my ass off for them. I gave up everything for them. Weekends and nights, it was all for them, and no, they didn’t ask for it, I gave it willingly, and I was rewarded again and again, not just with the increases in pay, but the promotions. They hinted and they joked, until you came into the picture, and that’s when it got quiet. All of the hard work, and I’m going to get a pat on the back and a corner office, but no piece of a company I broke my back for.
Fine, I’m not in the least resentful, I’m really not. You are five hundred times the successor I could ever be. You have the connections and I get it. I also get me working so hard for someone else was a bad bet. If I expected to get ahead and call shots, then it should have been for myself. I’m still young enough to make it happen. It’s not going to be easy, but I have savings and I’m not out to take over the world, just my small spot in it.”
“Grace, this will be ours. Once I’m in charge I’m only going to make the company better and bigger, then I buy and take over. Even if we hadn’t fallen in love, I would want you as my number two. You have helped make this company what it is and you belong there. Not this year, but it won’t be long before Edward retires. Don’t you get it? All your hard work will pay off. I would never do what was done to me, ever!” With a sigh, he rests against the counter.
“When I came out of Harvard, the bulk of my mother’s estate came to me, and though I was young, I knew what I wanted. Then Kevin Kaplan came to me, we’d gone all through Harvard together and I thought of him as a really good friend. He said he was being honest; his father’s firm had hit hard times and needed money to stay afloat. I bring in money which is basically me buying my way in, and considering I’m so young and new, I can’t just get my name on the building immediately, we have to do it smoothly. I work my ass off for a few years, moving up, and then eventually I’ll become a partner. When the time comes, instead I get a check for the ‘loan’ with three percent interest and a pat on the back for thanks.
“I understand you’re disappointment, and knew the whole time Tim and Edward talked about you that I wouldn’t let you go anywhere, even if I hated you. I know what it’s like to work so hard and not get what you thought you deserved, but you will, no not the complete managing, but yes, you will be number two. It would have always been that way.”
“I don’t want it this way!”
“For fucks sake, it’s your way or nothing?”
“Why do you have to say it like that? Alex, how can you not get it? Are you being deliberately obtuse?” He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even look up. Deciding retreat is the best thing for now, “I’m going to go home. I think it’s best for now.”
He’s in front of me so fast it’s a blur, he’s got my arm, “Fuck that, you aren’t going anywhere.”
His grip is tight and there’s fear in his eyes. I want to be angry, but I understand. “Okay, I’m going to go take a shower.”
I kiss his cheek and he lets go of me. Sighing, I wonder where we go from here. Why did it all have to go pear shaped so quickly? Turning on the shower takes a few buttons and I step in and let the multiple heads do their job, I love his shower. Why had I said I was going home? I hadn’t been there in weeks. Alex had made it clear he wanted me with him and a power weekend of shopping had turned his two bedroom condo from a hotel into a home.
Painting had been the first step, and it had been fun to pick out colors and paint together, if slightly harder than either of us had thought it would be. The next weekend had been the shopping, hours spent roaming from store to store picking out the perfect curtains and bedding had been nice when Alex hadn’t put it all on me. He had made suggestions then left me to decide the final purchase, except when it came to if he thought I picked it for price. There had been an adamant decree price tags were off limits to me. When we were done shopping, it had been so much fun to decorate and order Alex around. He’d gotten very sweaty and then I’d gotten very sweaty just looking at him. It had only taken minutes for him to push me up against the wall in the guest bedroom and take me hard and fast. I didn’t want to go home, this was home now
to me. I’m not sure when it happened but it had.