He’s not looking at shipping me off and flying you out every once in a while. Drake’s ready to take us both on, knowing you’ll see me as a priority until I’m old enough to be on my own, but knowing you—until I’m in my thirties. None of that fazes him, he wanted to come and get to know me, to know how I felt about you two, and make sure I knew he wanted to be here for me. All he wants is a little respect for both him and you.
I saw the ring, he was wondering if it was wrong, should he get something else. Maybe a regular diamond instead of chocolate. Are you kidding me, it’s twelve carats. He said he got it because it reminded him of your eyes. I felt so bad for the guy, I’ve been wanting to yell at you since he left. Then when I get mad at you, and can’t believe everything you’re putting him through, he starts to defend you. He slept on the couch last night because he didn’t want to push you. After finding out about everything last night, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep from doing that.”
The tears come harder, I just don’t know what to do anymore. “He doesn’t want kids and expects us to divorce over it. He expects it because he’s so damned arrogant he refuses to change his mind, or consider a different ending. It could be twenty two carats and I could still say no.”
“Yeah, he figured that out already. Why can’t you
just talk to him and tell him what and why?”
“Because he doesn’t talk, he gives orders and commands. Then does sneaky things like investigating me and you, and coming to you behind my back. What did you tell him, what did he find out last night?”
“Ria, he’s a multimillionaire born with a silver spoon his mouth. He lost almost everything, then practically overnight he goes from not ever getting his hands dirty, to back breaking hard work while pulling off deals no one would even attempt. You don’t get back to his previous status in under a year without being a little sneaky and commanding. He wasn’t as ruthless as he could have been with you, he didn’t go so far as to pin you into a corner where you felt you had no other option than him. You still have your job, he could have easily gotten you fired. He’s been careful to make sure that didn’t happen. He came to see you here and only pushed it when Latisha was there, never when Reese worked overnights with you. Drake was sure Latisha would never sell you out to Charlie.
I told him pretty much everything, after everything he told me, I thought he deserved it. I told him about you talking about him all the time and how upset you were after the snowstorm. He perked up when I told him that I was pretty sure you were in love with him. Cut the guy some slack, and maybe this time, talk to him. You’re really good at making sure I hear you when you want me to listen.”
The alarm goes off in Justin’s room and he gets up to turn it off. He comes back with his backpack on. “I’m going to school a little early to give you some time to think about it.”
Watching Justin leave, I feel so alone. Lying down on the couch, I can smell Drake, his cologne and the scent that’s him alone. My head is spinning, I’m feeling close to tears again. Was I making this too hard? He was offering marriage, not some hole in the wall hook up. How could he be sure enough of us to want to get married? While the last two years had felt like an eternity, our time together had been limited. How was he sure?
Sifting through our two years of interactions isn’t hard, every one of them feels burned into my brain. None of them had lasted longer than the time he spent here yesterday. As much as I want him sexually, and yes I’d read everything I could my hands on about him, we’d never really talked. Although Drake had made an attempt.
When he stayed, he had rung the desk at least once a night to ask a question about the hotel or set a wake-up call. He’d always get in a few personal questions, something small and undeniably intimate, my favorite place in the city and then why. Other questions included my favorite food, was I from Chicago, my hobbies, and I had answered then demanded the same information from him before he hung up. Not every night, but most nights he stayed he would ask for a toothbrush or something small, any excuse to get me to his room. Knowing it was only a ploy didn’t stop me from rushing to his room, and every time I would hand it to him, our fingers would touch and he would linger.
The time he stayed before the snowstorm, I had been so caught up in the surprise that even after two years of casual touches, my body still went electric at his lightest touch, and I had looked up in awe. Our eyes had met and held for so long we were both lost. He took a step closer to me and I waited, then a door had slammed and shaken me. I had practically run from the room, scared of what would happen if I stayed. I had expected another call pushing me, asking me for more. Nothing had come, I had told myself I was relieved, I wasn’t.
Three weeks had passed, then a snowstorm had hit the city. Drake checked in and the night had been so busy and chaotic I hadn’t been able to hide behind the guard I usually had. When I watched him walk through the doors, I had drunk him in and been unable to tear my eyes off him. Just being near him had caused my body to tremble from need.
While I had led him to his room, the small talk of the storm in the elevator had disappeared. He’d just looked at me for endless minutes. Longing and desire had swelled and filled the room. With the hotel full, the sounds of the activity had shaken me. My mind furiously working on the explanation I would have to come up with for taking so long. He had called down to the desk several times over the next two nights and I hadn’t been able to deny him. He’d drawn out multiple quick phone calls to find out my favorite music, he knew I loved reading and managed to get my favorite book and movie. My favorite ice cream flavor, my favorite color, tiny bits of time we had shared that felt like confessions and whispering in the dark. Was it all enough to make a marriage on? Was it love or lust?
I have no doubt if I had gone easily to Drake’s bed, he wouldn’t be offering marriage. Did that really matter, when in the end all I want is Drake, and whatever way I can get him I would happily take?
My shower is a quick, and I’m in bed. Even though I’m sure I’ll have to take a sleeping pill, I fall into sleep quickly.
I sleep so heavily my second alarm goes off before it gets through to me. I’m moving slowly as I get up and dressed. There’s a part of me that’s surprised and sad not to have Drake knocking at my door. A part of me had thought he would show up.
When Justin gets home, he asks if I know what I’m going to do. I shrug because I have no idea. Justin’s right, I need to talk to Drake, really talk to him. I go to work early, as usual, and Charlie is waiting for me.
My stomach sinks when he asks me to follow him into the back, I know what’s coming. Charlie looks sad but resolute. “You know what I’m going to say don’t you?”
I swallow against the lump in my throat and can only nod.
“Gloria, in housekeeping, saw you coming out Drake Hawthorne’s room two nights in a row, both times you looked disheveled. Latisha, just so you know, would only say she didn’t know nothing about nothing. I’m putting it through as a resignation. I know you applied again for a position in Boston, and I don’t want to ruin your chances there. It means you won’t get unemployment though, so if you want me to do it differently let me know and I’ll change it.”
I shake my head, grateful for his offer. Not bothering to tell him about how Gloria resented me moving up from housekeeping. She had been trying to get back at me since I wrote her up for sleeping in an empty room. He puts a form in front of me, I don’t even look, just sign.
Following me to my locker, he stands by me as I clean it out. Handing me a bag from the gift shop to put my odds and ends, collected over six years, in and walks me out the door. I’m relieved everyone pretends they don’t see it happening.
Ignoring the El stop I usually get on, I walk for a while. I’m in a kind of daze while taking in the city. I’m going to miss Chicago, but I’m sure we’ll visit often, with Drake having so much still going on here. Would he really be happy in Boston, would we come back after Justin is old enough to be on his own? I’m pretty sure Justin will stay on at MIT until some huge company or NASA offers him a job. That wouldn’t be until he was at least eighteen, probably, but knowing Justin he would probably want to stay at least until he got his doctorate, which would be a while. I also don’t want Drake and I to trail after Justin from city to city. I just want him to always know we’ll be there for him, for whatever he needs.
It takes a moment to realize I’m thinking in terms of ‘we’ instead of me, and all the stress it feels like I’ve been under for months disappears. I’ve been hiding behind the excuse of keeping my job, when really I was too scared to put Justin’s and my future in the hands of Drake. After hearing, though, how open and supportive Drake wanted to be with Justin, the fear had gradually died away. I had known pretty much whatever way Drake and I next met I’d come away wearing the ring and saying yes, because I love him. Children weren’t more important than the future I could have with Drake. I’d already had the experience, more or less, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. From now on, I would have Drake’s support with Justin and that would be nice, not to bear the load alone. No children would open the door to traveling, hopefully, and that would be nice. I’ve always wanted to see the world outside of Chicago, and I’m sure I’ll be able to talk Drake into it during the winter months. I’ve heard Boston winters can be as brutal as in Chicago.
By the time I’m home again, Justin is in his sleeping clothes and on the couch with the remote.
“Oh, crap.” He says as he looks at me.
“Yes, and no. Being fired isn’t any fun at all. On the plus side, it made me see I was hiding behind the job to keep Drake away. I was scared about asking him to take you with me as a package deal. I’ve never told you, but that was what always had the other guys running. They would get resentful about you, and very quickly I’d dump them or they dumped me. Drake had said he was open to making sure you knew you’d be a part of his life, not just mine and taking care of you, but I didn’t believe him. Until he came here, laying it out and making plans to move to Boston, like he was deciding what meal to have for dinner, and making it clear he wasn’t saying it to just placate me. He’ll be here for the both of us and that’s really the only thing I needed to know.”
Justin hugs me tight. “I can call him Drake, right? I don’t have to do the dad thing?”