My arms are around her. "Hey, it's going to be okay. You are awesome. It's because you care so much that you put so much pressure on yourself." She's sobbing, and the pain I feel shocks me. It feels like forever since I felt this kind of pain. "Bethany, sweetheart, if you want to take a break there is nothing wrong with that."
Her arms tighten around me as she shakes her head. "If I stop, I won't go back. I have to keep going. I'm sorry for being a baby."
"You aren't a baby. Don't put yourself down like that. There's nothing wrong with admitting shit is hard, and you're having a tough time. I went through the same thing my entire four years of school. Between you, school, and work there were times I wanted to crawl under the bed and never come out. I never told you this, but I failed two classes that were requirements for my business degree. Retaking those classes made me feel like a loser. I also had to pay for them out of my pocket, that hurt even worse. I was taking money from our budget because I couldn't get it the first time. I'm sure other people are having as hard of a time as you are, but they're hiding it well."
Sniffling, she pulls away and nods. "In a few of my classes, the professor said people were failing one test or another, but none of the people I know will admit it's them. I haven't failed anything, yet. But it feels like it's just around the corner."
"Damn, that's sounds stressful. Do you maybe want to make an appointment with a therapist and have someone you can talk to about it? I'm not going to mention I'm incredibly hurt you haven't told me any of this until now." I get up to grab the tissues on the bedside table. I take a few before handing her the box.
She takes two then begins wiping her eyes. "I don't know. Paying to whine to someone? I felt like I couldn't admit to you that you were wasting your money on school and me."
"We all need someone to whine to without worrying our words are going to haunt us later. I want you to at least think about it. Your insurance Cesare switched you to is awesome and covers all of that. Cesare is going to talk to you later. He's already upped your allowance by another five hundred a month. I'm not sure if you noticed that. As far as he's concerned, you're already his little sister to worry about and take care of. Hence the whole him hiring you a housekeeper for Christmas. I am sorry he gave her a key to your place without telling you. I didn't even know he had it."
Bethany laughs. "I hadn't. I'm so careful with my money. I rarely check my balance. Also, with him having Jessica shop and pay for stuff on a credit card he's paying for it's not like I’m spending money on anything. I've made a few more trips to Starbucks that’s it. I have to say at the time I walked into my apartment to find her there, I was pissed. Within two weeks I wanted to kiss him for Jessica. Not having to worry about cleaning, laundry, and there always being food in the house, and not just microwave dinners, she's an awesome cook. I'll think about therapy."
"Will you think about it or are you just saying that for me to shut up?"
She throws back her head as she laughs. "Oh my god, I'm so going to need to be around for my niece. You are a next-level parent. Okay, I was just saying it, but now I will for real think about. I promise."
"Don't make me talk to Cesare." I threaten.
She stops laughing. "Okay, fine. I said I'd think about it."
Now I laugh. "Yeah, not so funny when he comes at you with all that bossy crap now is it?"
"Nope, not funny at all. I still want to go down on my knees in thanks for him finding you though. I can't remember a time when I've seen you so happy and glowing. Some people might think it's the baby, but it's not, it's him. Him being a billionaire is awesome but even if he weren't I know he would work his ass off to make you happy. And I'm not jealous at all. Okay, maybe a little."
I snatch the Kleenex from her as I clean up the tears she caused. "Yeah, I know. This last year has been amazing. I never thought I could be this happy. Sometimes I want to pinch myself. It’s not just Cesare; it's Dante and Enzo too. I have this whole family now. We make dinner together, then we sit around the table, and we talk about our day, the world, each other and it's home. I worried about us buying a house out here in Lake Forest but we still go up to the apartment and have dinner or we go out to a restaurant as often we did before. I also love the way Enzo and Dante will come out and spend the weekend or the day with us. They both have a guestroom here, so they don't have to drive back to the city late at night. I'm so lucky."
"You aren't lucky. You are finally getting the happiness you worked so hard for."
The knock on the door startles us both. Cesare calls through the door, "Alicia, are you two decent?"
Bethany laughs. "No, I'm naked go away."
I laugh as I slap her leg. "She's kidding. Come in." He opens the door, and he's not decent. All he has on is pajama bottoms. So damn gorgeous and he's all mine. Grover barks at us then climbs into Bethany’s lap, hoping to get some popcorn. "What, honey?"
"It's almost one in the morning. We need to go to bed. I don't want you falling asleep on me tomorrow or yawning while you say your vows."
"Cesare, I told you. It's bad luck. I'm sleeping in the room next door."
He doesn't say anything, just crosses the room, picks me up then nods at Bethany. "Get some rest.” He orders. Bethany laughs as she salutes him then goes back to cuddling Grover. “Luck doesn't have a damn thing to do with it. You don't sleep anywhere but with me."
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I don't even bother arguing. I didn't really want to sleep alone tonight. "Hmm... you aren't going to be able to carry me around much longer."
He frowns, I reach up to run a fingertip over those lines on his forehead. "Why not?"
"Because I'm going to be all big and pregnant, silly."
"Now who's being silly? You could be pregnant with triplets, and I'll still be able to carry you around. I might not spend hours in the gym every day, it doesn’t mean I haven’t maintained the body you love so much."
We're in our room. He sets me down on the bed with care. Strong hands clutch the fabric of the cotton nightgown and tears. I knew it was coming, and it still sends a thrill me. A shock goes through me at the way his eyes glitter obsidian as they run over my body. His pleasure clear that he loves my body. "Thank you."
"I'm sorry I bitched about the flowers and the food. You always seem to know what will make me happy when I don't even know. I'm so grateful for everything, for the flowers, for the house, for tomorrow which I know will be perfect. I’m grateful for our honeymoon, two weeks of just you and me in the sun in Greece. Most of all I'm grateful for all your love." I say the last in Italian, over the last year I'm almost as fluent as Cesare. We want to speak Italian at home with our kids the way he grew up. Cesare can never hide how much he loves when I speak his language.
His kiss is a light grazing of his lips against mine. "All I'm doing, my love, is giving you back everything you have given me.”
Christmas Eve