“Declan, twenty-hour work weeks is not working hard. There are days when I do nothing, and remember, I make you crazy when I’m not busy.” In the month since she quit it hadn’t taken Declan long to insure she worked as few hours as possible. To fill the hours Miranda had decided to learn to knit but it wasn’t going very well.
“No, sweetheart, it’s the watching you learn to knit that makes me crazy. My poor ears can only take so much cursing.”
Miranda laughed as she made her way into the bathroom. Closing the door she leaned in to turn on the shower, and the room swam. Leaning against the door, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply. It only made the problem worse, though, and nausea hit her hard. She couldn’t make it to the toilet, and instead was able to get the shower door open. There was hardly anything in her stomach, but her throat still burned from the bile. As she turned on the shower to clear the mess away, her thoughts were chaotic. It couldn’t be, it just couldn’t be. Six years with Michael and nothing, and it had only been four months with Declan. She started to count and closed her eyes. Two weeks, her period was two weeks late. Her per
iods were never late. She was like clockwork.
Stepping below the stream of water, joy bubbled up and over her. Declan’s baby, a boy with his smile and raven-wing black hair. A baby boy just like his daddy. Then her heart clenched in her chest. Declan had followed in his father’s footsteps. His family was entrenched in a lifestyle that, no matter what he said, wasn’t safe. Often he left their bed at night; she didn’t ask where he went, and he never offered to tell her. She was only ever grateful when he came back. It was fine for her to choose to be with Declan, but she didn’t want their child to grow up in the life Declan had now. Could she ask Declan to give up his life now for her and their baby? What if he said no and left her? When Michael had left there had only been relief, yet at the mere thought of Declan walking away, her legs gave out from under her.
Declan had fallen back asleep when she finally managed to get herself together. Fumbling with her clothes, she dressed quickly, and was out of the room before he decided to join her. Dolly had her normal oatmeal with fruit ready, but at the smell of the coffee her stomach revolted. Making an excuse, she buttered her toast and was out the door. Dolly was far too perceptive for her shot nerves.
Her time with Douglas went far longer than it should have, because it was so hard to focus on the numbers in front of her. It didn’t help that every ten minutes Douglas asked if she needed something or was done yet. Finally, she was finished, and went over what she had found with Douglas. Miranda made recommendations and provided documentation for the reasons behind it. His renovation had helped, but he was still paying down the loan he had taken for it, and at this time wasn’t in the position he needed to be to take on merchandise that wasn’t guaranteed to sell. Her recommendations were roughly what his daughter had said, and it felt good to be able to reinforce to Douglas that his daughter would have what it took to take over when he finally retired.
Walking away from Douglas, she waited for the light, but when it flashed, she turned away. She wasn’t ready to see Declan yet. She needed more time and she needed to know for sure. A drugstore caught her eye, and she began to walk in but was greeted by several people she had met with Declan. With a sigh, she walked back out. She couldn’t buy something like that where people knew her and Declan. Chicago might be a city of nine million people, but the few hundred in this neighborhood all knew of or knew her and Declan as a couple. A pregnancy test purchase would have knitted blankets and booties delivered to their home before the sun was down.
Unlocking the door to her home, there was no sense of rightness in her actions, and as she looked around she realized this wasn’t her home anymore. Declan was home. The tears came from out of nowhere, and she fled into the downstairs half-bath. After mopping herself up, she tore open the test and began to read the instructions carefully.
Her hands trembled as she read the results of the test, and she didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry, so she did both.
Over an hour later, she entered the kitchen to hear Dolly giving orders in the backyard. She watched Declan digging for the herb garden Dolly had been asking for. Now that she had a finer palate to cook for than Declan’s, Dolly had been adamant that it was necessary. In the last few weeks, Declan had found one excuse or another to get out of the digging. The urge to be near him, to touch him, drew Miranda outside. When he caught sight of her, his smile was so beautiful for a moment she couldn’t breathe.
“There you are. I’ve been wondering when you would finally be home.” He drew her to him, and she didn’t care that he was sweaty and dirt-streaked; she went willingly.
Dolly laughed. “More like he’s been waiting for an excuse to stop. Now, you see to it he finishes for me. I need fresh basil.” Dolly went into the house with a smile.
“What took so long, love? Did Douglas make a nuisance of himself?”
It was harder than she thought, letting him go. Pulling away, she looked down at the fresh dirt. “He wasn’t so bad. Actually, I went back to my house to check up on things, and I think... I think it’s time I went home. This has been nice, but I think it’s about time to wrap this up.” The words were out, and she couldn’t look at him. She began to walk back to the house without looking back.
His grip on her arm was unforgiving as he pulled her back to face him. She refused to meet his eyes. “Nice?! Wrap this up?! Jesus Christ, Miranda, where the hell did that come from?”
Miranda gave up trying to get away, and shrugged. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to live in your world anymore. I don’t want to be known as the gangster’s girlfriend.”
“Look at me, damn you.” He caught her chin and forced her to meet his eye. What he saw there, she didn’t know, but he let her go. “Come on, Miranda. I thought you knew me better than this. We won’t do this outside.”
Confused, she followed him into the house. Dolly turned to say something to them, but when she saw Declan’s face, she became fascinated with a spot on the counter. He went into his office and waited at the door. She eyed the stairs, wondering if she dared to make a run for it.
“Don’t even think about it. Come here.” His voice was as hard as his face, and she pushed down the thread of fear that ran up her spine.
He closed the door with a click. “You had better be grateful that you are pregnant, because I never considered violence acceptable until I heard the bullshit that came out of your mouth a few minutes ago.” He nodded at her look of shock. “Miranda, I know your body better than you do. I knew weeks ago, and every day I waited for you to share something so wonderful with me. But no, you chose to run scared.” He slammed his hand down on his desk, and the sound reverberated through her. “How could you do that to us?” His voice broke and he turned away, and Miranda felt her heart breaking into millions of tiny pieces.
“I was so scared that I wasn’t enough for you. I can’t bring up our baby in the world you live in, and I was terrified I would ask you to leave it behind, and you would say no—or even worse, say yes and resent me for it in the end. You are everything I never thought I could have, everything I never believed I deserved. It was easier to believe the bad than the good. I figured if I left then, at least I could have a part of you in our baby, and a part of you was enough for me, than to have nothing at all.” She couldn’t swallow around the lump in her throat, and she could barely see through the tears, so it was a strangled cry that escaped her when he pulled her into his arms in a vise grip.
“Please don’t cry, Miranda. I cannot stand to see you with tears. You are my heart, do you understand that? You are my heart. My heart beats because of you. Not for you but because of you. Until you I wasn’t whole. I had no idea until I met you, and you filled me up with your love.” He sat down, pulled her onto his lap, and began to wipe her tears away. “I’m sorry I didn’t show you enough what you mean to me, that wasn’t fair. You deserve to know just how much you mean to me. At first I was so careful because I was worried about scaring you away. When I came back from Ireland I should have been honest with you, but it felt like you were still trying to settle in. I was afraid to push you too fast, but I bought this in Ireland, and every day I looked at it, wondering when you would be ready for it. If you don’t like it, we can pick something else out.”
Opening a drawer in his desk he pulled out a white velvet ring box, and Miranda began to cry all over again. When he opened the box, his hand shook, and she reached out to cover his hand with her own. It was a beautiful oval three-carat diamond set in platinum, with a knot design along the band. She could only nod as the tears flowed. He put the ring on her left finger, and she buried her face into his neck, too overcome for words.
It felt like hours later when she lifted her head from his shoulder. “I’m sorry I made such a mess.”
“Don’t say sorry. I don’t deserve it. I did all this planning but never told you what I saw the end result as being.”
She couldn’t hide her confusion, and he sighed and opened a drawer. He pulled out several thick manila folders.
&nb
sp; “I knew it, Miranda, from all the things you didn’t say and how you would look at a babe with longing, that you wanted one. When you finally told me you loved me, I made a vow to myself that I would do anything to make you happy, so that you would never regret giving me your love. I’ve looked into making your dream come true, and I’ll admit that it was mine too. I wanted us to become a family and see you with a babe in your arms. This was for if you wanted to adopt from here in the States, this was if you wanted to adopt from overseas, this was for if you wanted to give fertility treatments a shot. Pun intended, my love. By the way, we’d have done them in Ireland, giving you a chance to meet my family, and because they are a third of the price there than in Chicago. This is the home that is being redone for us in Denver.”
She gasped, stunned.