Did he use me? My stomach starts to hurt. I want to get dressed, run away from this, take some space to figure this out, but he has his weight on me, holding me down.
He looks appalled that I would even suggest such a thing. “Do you honestly think I could do something like that?”
I’ve known Lonnie all my life, and it doesn’t seem like him to use me. But everything has happened so quickly, and unexpectedly, that I can’t help but wonder whether he set me up. And added to that, I’ve fantasized for years about being with him, and now it’s finally happened. I guess my insecurities are getting the best of me, because with this new wrinkle, I start to think I was crazy to believe he’d ever want me without another motive.
Then there’s another part of me, the me that’s still floating in the orgasmic blissed out bubble we just created, who would be on cloud nine to even pretend to be married to Lonnie, my teen obsession, my now obsession. Even if it were temporary and all an act, well I’m giddy just thinking about it. But that kernel of excitement, that hope bubbling in my tummy, that’s dangerous. Because it’s those feelings that can lead me to heartache.
“Lonnie, I don’t know. Everything about this idea seems wrong,” I finally say. Even though, in my heart, it feels right. “And what if my family finds out? Fake marriage or not, my dad would lose his mind.”
He sighs. “I know he would.”
I sigh too because I know what I’m about to say and I don’t know if it’s the right decision or not. But I just got my dream job, and if I don’t do this, that will disappear. I’ll have to leave the city, go back to the boondocks and crappy apartments with roommates, back to my barista uniform. I don’t want to take that step backwards. I don’t want to lose it all when I’ve only just gotten started. And being Lonnie’s wife—even if it’s not real—would be an adolescent dream come true.
“I’ll do it,” I tell him.
He smiles and starts to speak, but I hold up my hand to stop him. “On one condition.”
His eyebrows lift. “Negotiations? I like that. You’re thinking like a real lawyer.”
“So what’s this condition of yours?” he asks.
“My family can’t find out about this, not under any circumstance.”
He kisses me. “You’re amazing and yes, I agree to your terms. I will do everything in my power to make sure none of your family finds out. I won’t let our pretend marriage interfere with our real lives. We’ll keep it strictly to the workplace.”
I start to feel better about the plan even though I know lying to his new partner is wrong. I start to wonder how he plans to keep this from my family. This city is big, but it’s not that big when it comes to lawyers and their gossip. Both of my parents are lawyers and if they even catch a whiff of a rumor of Lonnie getting married, they’re going investigate.
5
Savanna
My parents call after I get home from my long day at work. My mom wants to come visit me, and I have no choice but to break down and tell her I took a job in the city with Lonnie. She was going to find out at some point anyway. I might as well rip that band aid off. She’s not happy to say the least, and my dad is absolutely pissed. I can hear him in the background ranting and raving as my mom gives me a lecture. “That son of a bitch” this, and “That son of a bitch” that. They’re just as down on Lonnie as the last time I mentioned him. Time hasn’t healed whatever happened between them. I want to ask them why they’re so angry, and what happened between them to end so many years of a loyal friendship, but I’ve tried that before, and they refuse to discuss it with me. So I let it go and don’t even bother asking.
“How did this even happen?” my mom asks, exasperated.
I explain to them how Lonnie showed up in the coffee shop and offered me the job after I told him I graduated from law school with honors. Though they’re not happy about my decision, they can’t deny that it’s a great opportunity. All that money they spent on me to go to school was being wasted on preparing expensive cups of cheap coffee. I explain to them that I need this opportunity. I can’t live on minimum wage forever.
By the end of the conversation, they’ve mellowed out a bit, but they’re still uncomfortable with the idea. I’m afraid my dad may call Lonnie at some point, somehow ruining this opportunity for me, but for now they seem managed. I just have to be really careful with this whole marriage arrangement because if they can barely stand the idea of me working with Lonnie, they’ll be apoplectic if they ever found out I married him. Even if it is just a temporary marriage for convenience