"Really?" He cocks a brow and stares straight through me. "He killed her, Kayla. Do you need evidence of that before you'll believe it?"
"You don’t have any evidence of that, Noah," I push back. "Tell me what evidence you have."
He mutters a curse word under his breath. "He didn’t connect her oxygen tank, Kayla. He just didn’t do it. There's no way that was just a mistake like he says."
"Why?" I grab the edge of the bench for strength. "Why are you so convinced that he did it on purpose?"
"Both of us," he begins before he waves two large fingers in my face. "Both of us were trained on how to change those tanks. He'd done it dozens of times before. There's no way in hell he just forgot to do it that day."
"People make mistakes, Noah." I look past him to where pedestrians are strolling by, completely oblivious to the gravity of our discussion. "He made a mistake."
"That's bullshit," he hisses the words at me. "He knew what he was doing. He didn't connect it and then he went to the guesthouse to get high while she died."
"He didn’t." I pinch the bridge of my nose. "It wasn't so he could get high. He was too excited to be with the woman who came to see him after you and your father went to the ballgame."
"What? What are you talking about?" He points at my mouth. "You don’t know what you're saying. There was no woman, Kayla. My father didn't see her when he went to tell Ben about our mother. Ben made that up because he felt so guilty."
"He did not," I whisper the words into the air between us, my belief in them unwavering. "Ben told me about her. Her name was Samantha. He lost his virginity to her that day."
Chapter 9
"Did you text her to tell her you'd be late to the bridal shower." He nods towards my smartphone in my palm.
"I did. I told her I'd be there within the hour. She's having a blast. I doubt that Lex will even miss me." Judging by the excitement in her voice, I know that she won't notice if I don’t show up at all.
He motions towards a chair next to the dining room table. "Sit, Kayla."
His commands are wearing on me. After I'd brought up the woman Ben was with when their mother died, Noah's face had gone ashen. He'd pulled me to my feet, hailed a cab and ordered me into the elevator. Now, we're sitting face-to-face in his apartment.
"How do you know about the woman? About Sammy?"
Sammy? That wasn't what Ben called her. "You mean Samantha?"
"Kayla." His hand taps my fingers as he ignores my question. "Tell me what Ben said about Sammy."
I wish I could speak to Ben. We haven't discussed this. The possibility of my having a pointed discussion with Noah about his brother's first sexual partner seemed incomprehensible until a few minutes ago. Now, I'm in the middle of it and I need to own what I've already put out there. "He didn't say much, Noah. Just that she was his first and it happened that day."
He's on his feet. "He actually told you he lost his virginity that day?"
I nod. This is too personal of a conversation for me to be having with Ben's brother. I don’t share the details of my first experience with even my closest friends. I'd be mortified if anyone was passing those details around. I need to talk to Ben. "I think I should talk to Ben about this."
He rubs his index fingers against his temples. "Kayla. This is very important. I need you to think hard about what Ben told you."
"How does any of this matter, Noah?" I'm exasperated. I wanted to talk to him about forgiveness and second chances. I wanted him to understand that Ben made a horrific mistake and emotionally he's paying for it every single day. I don't want to continue to discuss the woman Ben was intimate with while his mother was dying.
"It matters more than you know." He wrings his hands together. "Kayla, please."
I stare at his face. The color hasn’t returned. His eyes are darting from me to the wall behind my head. I pull on the edge of my skirt. I feel exposed and vulnerable. I feel as though I'm giving away my own secrets, even though they belong to Ben.
"Noah." I hear the plea in my own voice. "I don't know if I should be sharing this."
He moves swiftly, his hand pressing against the table next to me as his breath races over my forehead. "I need you to tell me right now word-for-word what my brother said to you."
I look into his eyes. I see desperation. He may be trying to mask it, but he's frantic for answers that only I can provide right now. I swallow hard. "He told me that she came over right after you and Ron left."
"Sammy came to the house that day?" He leans back slightly. "You're sure he said it was that day?"
"I'm positive." My voice is strained. "He said that she came into the room where your mother was."