I clench my teeth as the gloom begins to sour the moment again. “Why can’t we just stay here? No one would find us here.”
His face darkens, and he looks away. “I have a duty.”
I frown. “Is your duty more important than your own happiness?”
He doesn’t answer, but his tightened face says enough. He’s conflicted, just like I am. So I roll around to face him and bury my face in his chest, taking in his scent, wishing it could just stay like this for an eternity. Even if I know I shouldn’t, even if I know he’s supposed to be my enemy.
Out here, there are no enemies, there are no wrongs or rights, no sinners and punishers.
There are only wants and needs and cravings and survival.
Survive.
That’s what I’ve been doing all this time, even when I seduced him.
But now that he’s here, embracing me in his warmth, giving me tenderness without judging me … I feel loved.
And it’s a feeling I’ve never experienced before, which is what scares me so much.
How could I have fallen for a man like him?
I close my eyes and sigh. “It doesn’t have to be that way.” I twirl his chest hair around my index finger as tears well up in my eyes. “Please.”
His muscles tighten around me, and he presses a kiss to my forehead. “I … want …”
He wants … me?
“Tell me about you.”
My brows furrow, confused. “What do you mean?”
He looks down at me, a sincerity in his eyes that I’ve not seen before. “Tell me about the place you came from before you were sent to the House.”
“Oh.”
Well, that certainly puts a damper on my excitement.
“Did I ask the wrong thing?” he asks, his face so full of honest worry that it catches me off guard.
A blush creeps onto my cheeks. “Well, no, it’s fine. I can tell you. I just … don’t like talking about it. I didn’t come from that place. I wasn’t born there in that cult. But they seduced me with promises about being loved in a community that worshipped God. I didn’t know then what they would want me to do.”
“What did they do?” he asks, genuinely interested. “Did they treat you well?”
I shake my head. “They took me to a cell like some kind of prisoner.” The mere memory still makes my throat clamp up. “They trained us to be obedient. Gave us pain if we didn’t listen.”
His muscles tighten even harder around me, but he doesn’t hurt me. He listens attentively, as though he’s soaking it all in. With clenched teeth, he says, “Tell me more.”
“I was forced to live in a hut with several other women. We weren’t ever alone. They forced us to strip and shower with the entire community, even the men. But that wasn’t the worst part …”
When I shiver, he grabs the blanket and pulls it over us to keep me warm.
“I didn’t want to do it, but they made me. Men tried to claim me. Tried to …” I look away. “I didn’t submit even though they wanted me to because God told them so. Because God told them a woman is to be married to a man and exists only to pleasure him and birth him children.”
Vomit rises in my throat.
He leans up and grabs my arm. “Did any of them hurt you?”
I gulp at the seriousness in his voice. “No. I didn’t let them.”
“Good.”
The way he says it instantly alerts me to the fact that if I said yes, he wouldn’t just let it slide.
I’m sure he’d hunt and kill every one of them.
“So you disobeyed,” he chimes in. “Is that why they sent you away?”
I nod. “It’s how I ended up at the House. I was too defiant. I refused to yield. Refused to play along. And if they consider that a sin, then I’d rather be a sinner.” I swallow hard. “In fact, I hit one of those creeps with a pan.”
A smile creeps onto his face, and he bursts out into a short laugh.
“What?”
“Even then, you were a sassy Kitten,” he muses.
I slap him on the chest. “Soren! Really? And I’m not a kitten.”
He lies back down again and says, “You are to me.” He clutches my face and strokes my cheek with his thumb, silencing any rebellion forming in my heart. “You’re soft. Delicate. Sweet. Pretty. But with claws that can scratch. Hard.”
Now I really can’t stop the redness from flushing my entire body.
“I … I …” Oh God, when did I turn into a pile of mush?
He tilts up my chin. “I want to keep you safe …”
I’m forced to look into his eyes, but I don’t even mind.
I’m completely entranced by the beauty in his tortured soul.
But when he sighs, the spell is broken.
“But?” I mutter, trying to see where this is going.