“What?” he said, looking pointedly at me. “You think getting blind drunk and walking barefoot into a table isn’t dumb?”
“She’s married to you, so I’d say being blind drunk twenty-four seven is very wise,” I said, and Hugh laughed openly.
“You still bitter that I caught you cheating on your homework after all these years?” he asked, leaning forward and resting his hands on his knees in an almost intimidating stance.
“I wasn’t cheating,” I pointed out, not that I cared what he thought. “And no. I happen to think you’re a jackass, is all.”
He leaned back, wagging his finger and giving us both a menacing grin. “Oh, I know. Hughy-boy and Cameron have told you about the little ‘conversation’ we had when they were dating Hannah, haven’t they?”
I shrugged. “Yes.”
“And I bet I know why.” He continued, leering at me. “You three were always hanging out together at school. I should have guessed their history of sick threesomes went back further.”
My face burned red, and Hugh tried to give my back a subtle reassuring squeeze, but Eli’s beady little eyes noticed, and he cackled.
“Aw, man. Muriel, I thought you were better than this.”
I sensed Hugh was too exhausted to fight back.
“What business is it of yours?” I demanded.
“What y’all get up to is an abomination,” Eli replied. “It reflects badly on the whole town when... deviants like you roam the streets. I’m a councilman, so unlike you, I actually care about this place.”
“Oh yeah?” Hugh said, roaring into life. “So how come houses out there have been destroyed because the flood defenses were so poor? How come it takes me writing an article to get the fire department basic equipment? And how come the block around Jubilee Street has been zoned for residential when the soil toxicity readings were off the scale? If you care so much, what are you doing about important stuff?”
Fired up at seeing Eli momentarily lost for words, I had to join in. “Yeah, and how come your shirt clashes with your pants?”
Okay, that wasn’t quite as good as Hugh’s, but I made Eli look down at himself uncertainly, so I took it as a win.
“You know, I see your mom around a lot, Muriel,” Eli said, suspiciously calm. “She and I tend to have lunch at the same places.”
“Because you’re a middle-aged mom?” I suggested to Hugh’s delighted guffaw.
“Because, unlike you, she has good taste,” Eli retorted.
I started to wonder whether this was a meandering set-up to a ‘your mom’ joke.
“I’ll have to tell her I saw you tonight with one of your boyfriends, waiting around for the other one.”
Yesterday, there would have been no greater threat he could have made. But right now, with everything that was happening, it didn’t even bother me for a second.
“Well, bless your heart, you go on ahead. Although she’ll probably wonder why one of our councilmen has time to spread pathetic gossip.”
Before Eli had a chance to answer, Hugh raised a hand. “Look, Cameron might be dying right now. For once in your life, can you be a little bit considerate and leave us alone?”
The door from one of the treatment rooms opened and an attractive young woman hobbled out toward us. She was the very epitome of a Georgia peach girl, all blonde hair and healthy tan, and my jaw almost hit the floor when she sidled up beside Eli and it became clear she was his wife.
“Hey, Hugh,” she said, giving a flirty little wave that had me raising an eyebrow.
“Hey, Rita. I heard you stubbed your toe?”
“I dropped a hammer on it,” she explained, and we both winced. “Yeah, I was doing some storm clean up, and this genius here decided to prank me by jumping out of a cupboard.”
“Clever,” I said.
Eli’s face turned sheepish as he was caught out on the lie.
“A woman who can do repairs? Hold on to this one, Eli,” Hugh said mischievously.
“He ain’t got a choice; he’s hopeless without me. Well, we’d better go. Bye, Hugh.”
She gave that same finger-wiggling wave again, and Eli quickly ushered her out of the building.
“So that’s why he hates you so much.”
“Because of the three-way thing? Yeah, I told you that.”
“No. Can’t you see? His wife has a huge crush on you.”
Hugh’s face screwed up with doubt. “No, she doesn’t. She works at the paper, so she recognizes me, that’s all.”
“Trust you not to be able to see the most obvious crush in history. Elijah’s jealous. That’s why he gives you a hard time. I only have to hope there’s no reason for me to be jealous too.”
“Please,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t know how many times we have to tell you there’s nobody for us except you. If you’ll have us.”
“I’m teasing,” I reassured him. “It is kind of good to know that he’s probably not really that interested in your relationships, though. Perhaps nobody in this town cares.”