“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that we could live a more comfortable life from now on,” she said and Jesse looked away from her and concentrated on eating his sandwich instead.
“Well, yeah, whatever. I’ll not have to depend on you for subway money any more,” he said, a little bitterly and Belle reached out to touch his arm. He drew his arm away, and she took in a sharp breath.
“I didn’t mean to offend you, Jesse. I’m just glad that you finally found something, and I hope it makes you happy,” she said, trying to sound kind. Jesse said nothing and Belle remained silent too. In silence they finished their sandwiches and then Belle looked at her watch.
“I should head back. Best of luck with the interview. I know you’ll get the job,” she said and stared at him longingly. She wanted him to say something nice, to reassure her again that everything would be alright. She was anxious that she couldn’t rely on his mood.
“Bye, see you later,” he said instead and turned around and walked away from her. Belle gulped, unsure of what the future of their relationship was going to look like. She wished he could be in a good mood more often, that she wouldn’t have to walk around on eggshells all the time; afraid of upsetting him.
She shook her head as she watched him walking away from her, and when he was out of sight, she went back to the office and sat at her desk. Her only hope was that she could get past the next few weeks without having a breakdown, and then maybe, just maybe she could go on with her life without yearning to see Devon all the time.
Chapter 17
Devon
He could sense that Alisha was watching him eat. He was taking his time with his food, pushing it around with his fork on the plate. They had been sitting at the restaurant for nearly an hour and she had already finished her meal.
“You look like you’ve lost your appetite,” she said finally, and Devon looked up to find her sipping from her glass of white wine. It was only two in the afternoon and he wasn’t in the mood to have a drink yet.
“Just not hungry,” he said and Alisha leaned towards him across the table with a wry smile on her face.
“It’s about the girl isn’t it?” she said and Devon stared at her, a tomato stuck in his fork.
“I’m trying to get over that,” he said and Alisha sat back in her chair and stared at him some more.
“I’ve never seen you like this, Devon. She must be some kind of angel,” Alisha said with a disbelieving laugh and he washed down the food in his mouth with some water.
“It’s nothing. I’m just getting old and sentimental probably,” he said and wiped his mouth with a napkin.
Alisha licked her lips and looked suspiciously at him.
“So, you slept with her. What more do you want?” she asked and Devon took in a sharp breath. He regretted telling Alisha everything now. The last thing he wanted was to dwell on the subject any more.
“Nothing, Alisha. I don’t want anything more. I just want to forget about her and move on,” he said and Alisha arched her eyebrows.
“Wait a minute, are you in love with her or something? Didn’t you say that she was a young thing?” Alisha said and he glared at her. Alisha wasn’t going to back down. She wanted an answer.
“Yes, she’s young. In her early twenties and no I’m not in love. I don’t even know her that well,” he said irritably. Why couldn’t Alisha see that he just wanted to stop talking about it?
“Granted that you don’t know her well, but that doesn’t mean you can’t develop feelings for her,” she continued and Devon slapped the napkin down on the table. Alisha didn’t seem affected by it.
“I don’t have feelings for her, Alisha. I just like her. I enjoy her company. She’s smart and intelligent and the sex was good,” Devon said and sat back dejectedly in his chair. Just talking about Belle made him sad. He wasn’t used to feeling powerless, he wasn’t accustomed to not getting what he wanted. Alisha was still staring at him. Now her look was turning from curiosity to sympathy.
“You know, Devon. Not in a million years would I have imagined seeing you this broken up over a woman,” she said finally, after a minute’s silence.
“I’m not broken up over her!” he said, losing his patience now. Alisha ignored it. She was going to say what she wanted to say.
“I’m sure you know that I spent the better part of our friendship being in love with you. Till I realized that you were impossible to love, or rather you yourself were incapable of the feeling,” she said and Devon stared at her in surprise. He hadn’t expected Alisha to ever speak this way.
“Oh, don’t look so surprised. I have feelings too! I’m not made of stone. And you don’t have to feel sorry about me either, I got over you pretty quickly,” she added and Devon relaxed a little. He still didn’t know what to say to her.
“But I was satisfied in knowing that nobody could have you, it wasn’t just me. But I’m starting to believe that you are capable of feelings after all, Devon,” she said and he looked away from her. He had his jaw clenched and his eyes focused on the view outside the restaurant. This was not the kind of conversation he wanted to have. The less he acknowledged Belle’s hold on him, the better it would be, but Alisha didn’t want to let it drop.
“Don’t worry, darling,” she continued, “you won’t have to feel like this forever. I can attest for it from first hand experience.”
Devon looked back at her without a word still. He regretted inviting her to lunch with him. He hoped that she would manage to distract him, but he had forgotten that she knew him better than anyone else.
“You know what might work to cure these blues?” she asked and Devon raised an eyebrow at her.