Her smile drops a bit. "You don't like it?"
"It's just so… radical," I say.
"That's what I was aiming for," she exclaims proudly. "James says I look like a boy."
I couldn't agree more, but telling Dani so will surely break her heart. "You don't need anyone's approval to cut your hair the way you want it."
My answer brings a big grin to her face.
"I think it will perfectly match my new status as a college freshman," she says, clapping her hands excitedly. I smile at her. Her enthusiasm reminds me of Jess's before we started at Stanford. She didn't only get a new haircut, but also a tattoo. I didn't understand what all the fuss was about. I don't really understand it now either. Going to college wasn't really that much of a change. But maybe I've had the wrong idea about change all along. I went to great lengths to change everything around me after Kate died. I even changed my continent. But maybe things only really change when we decide to change. Maybe the secret to freeing ourselves from our past and our fears lies inside us.
I could try that now. Changing myself—isn't that what Jess told me again and again? That I need to change? New York is a chance to do that. Building a new me. A better me. I don't know how, but a new haircut doesn't seem like a bad place to start.
"Any idea what haircut matches the status of a New York young professional?" I ask Dani, half joking, half frightened. "I'm moving there after graduation."
Now her smile drops completely. She looks at something, someone—my bet is James—behind my shoulder, and says, "But I thought you and James… Why are you moving?"
"I received a great job offer there."
"Oh. Are you nervous?"
"Not really," I admit. For some reason, moving to a new place has never made me nervous. Not even when I was fourteen and came from England. Of course, that might be because I was too overwhelmed by grief to feel anything else. But I remember being as calm about moving as I am now. Ironic how I only seem to move from one place to the other because I'm running away from something, not toward something. Because no matter how hard I'm trying to convince everyone else, I know I would have never agreed so quickly to move to New York if I didn't want to be as far away as possible from James.
What will I do when I run out of places to escape to?
"Well I am nervous," she says. "I won't know anyone in England. Thank God Parker is moving back to London."
I wink. "Jess will also be moving there."
"Jess, the friend with the bar accident?" Her eyes light up. "That's wonderful. Jess seems to like going out a lot."
"That she does." I can't imagine someone better to help Dani become the party girl she wants to be.
"Did I hear someone mention Jess?" Parker asks, appearing by my side.
"She just called to tell me she got that job in London," I answer. "She'll be moving there soon."
Parker's face melts into grimace, and I fight hard to withhold a laugh. Whatever caused the intense dislike between the two of them, it seems to be much more serious than I gave it credit.
"Come on, Parker." I elbow him. "There are quite a few people in London. I'm sure you'll manage to avoid each other."
"Why would you want to avoid Jess?" Dani asks, her eyebrows raised.
Parker scoffs.
If I'm honest, I'm pretty sure Jess won't want to avoid him forever. She'll seek him out just to annoy the hell out of him. That's always been her strategy when someone bothers her as badly as Parker: first avoid them, and then badger them with a vengeance. As I watch Parker and Dani, an image of the two of them and Jess having fun in London starts forming in my mind. Well, Jess and Dani having fun, and Jess annoying Parker to death.
Me, on the other hand, alone in New York. That's a cheerful thought.
"Has James changed his mind about letting me go rafti
ng?" Dani asks Parker.
"I haven't talked to him about it."
Dani purses her lips, walking away.
"Will you please fill me in about the rafting thing?" I ask Parker, fidgeting my fingers behind my back.