His cock replaces his fingers inside me, stretching me to my brink. He pumps quickly in and out of me, not giving either of us time to say anything to each other.
He lifts my legs up, and I dig them into his back as my hand grips his neck, holding on for my life as he moves us faster and faster.
“I can’t,” I cry, knowing his body is begging me to orgasm again, but there is no way my body can handle that again so soon.
Caspian stills, and strokes my face, running his thumb across my bottom lip. He smiles sweetly, even though his cock is still inside me. There is nothing sweet about Caspian.
“Beautiful,” he says simply.
I blush at the simple compliment I wasn’t expecting in the midst of quick shower sex.
His sweet smile turns wicked. And then he thrusts. My body clenches around his cock. My soul contracts to the beat of his breathing. And I know I’m going to be lost to Caspian forever.
“Conti!” I cry again, loving the way his name rolls off my tongue.
I hold onto him with everything I have as he slams his body into mine. He’s not gentle as his own orgasm takes over him. My body hits the shower tile over and over.
It’s hard. It’s primal. And it’s something that has been missing from my life for a long time: passion.
I clutch onto him knowing I don’t know when I will have to let this feeling go, let Caspian go.
“It’s Caspian, by the way,” he says as he slowly stills, both of our breathing still frantic.
“I like Conti better. Conti saved me from my nightmares.”
He frowns. “Conti doesn’t exist. You saved yourself.”
Jesus, my heart stops. Can Caspian say anything more perfect right now? While at the same time moments ago, say all the wrong things?
It’s a good thing my heart is stopped right now, because I don’t trust it. If Caspian gave me my freedom right now, I’m not sure I would take it. He treats me well. Then he treats me horrible. He can say the sweetest compliments and the most awful insults. Sex with him is incredible, but also intense. His house is homy but also feels like a prison.
I like Caspian. More than I would ever admit to him or myself. But like isn’t love. And even if I loved him, the thought of that feeling got me in trouble before. I can’t stay here forever. Whatever this is, needs to end. It would be so much easier if I hated him.
Why don’t I hate you, Caspian?
12
Gia
Caspian never said yes to my proposal. He also never gave me a definitive no. Neither is surprising. We don’t really talk. We fuck.
I’m not complaining. The sex is amazing, but I need to figure out what is going on in Caspian’s head to have a chance of getting free.
I woke up this morning without a nightmare. Which means Caspian slept in the bed with me last night. He only has twice. Usually, he sleeps on the couch in the living room. He hasn’t said he doesn’t like sleeping with me. But I assume it crosses some line in his book. Makes whatever this is, too relationship-y. But I want him in my bed every night. He keeps my demons away.
I put on some jeans and a fitted white shirt that makes my boobs look fantastic. I comb my long hair and then hurry out to see if I can find Caspian before he leaves for work, or wherever he goes when he isn’t here.
“He’s not here,” Adela says, stopping me as I reach the kitchen.
She sits at a barstool eating her breakfast. Michi is in the kitchen cooking omelettes.
I frown as I glance at the clock on the microwave. It’s seven in the morning. I didn’t exactly sleep in, but I have no idea what time Caspian usually wakes.
She smiles at me. “Don’t worry; he didn’t run out on you on purpose. He had a meeting. That’s why I came over so early: to keep you company.”
Adela’s voice is strong and happy. She reminds me of myself before life destroyed me.
I don’t have the heart to tell her even if he was here this morning; it wouldn’t mean we would have some romantic moment. Her eyes seem too hopeful for a relationship that will never happen between us.