But as soon as I told him to stay, his entire demeanor changed. He’s scared. Terrified of hurting me and causing me more damage.
Another icicle falls from my heart. At this rate I’ll be telling him I love him by the end of the night.
But then I remember the precious cargo I’m carrying in my stomach. The baby who deserves better than what Enzo or I can give him or her.
I can never love Enzo. It would risk my child’s life. Possibly our child, if it's not Milo’s. If Enzo knew the truth, he wouldn’t want me to fall in love with him either. I’m doing the right thing for both of us.
But tonight, I’m being selfish. Before I leave Enzo forever to protect my, maybe our, child, I need to heal. I need to feel like a woman again. And Enzo is the only way.
It will just be one night. Enzo can’t tell I’m pregnant yet. I’m not showing, but my time is running out. I need to get the hell away from this world as soon as Enzo wins this final game. And I have to make sure my child is hidden, even if it means giving him or her up.
“Are you sure?” Enzo asks.
No, I’m not fucking sure. Am I strong enough to fuck Enzo and not fall in love with him again? I don’t know. But I can’t live my entire life being this broken. Enzo has healed me before; maybe he can do it again.
“Yes,” I breathe, and my entire body says yes.
Enzo’s entire body changes with that one word. He’s no longer terrified. He’s turned on. For the first time in weeks, he allows himself to feel.
I need to prepare myself for what is coming. I need to try to remain calm to keep the nightmares and flashbacks away. But then I look at Enzo, and I know I don’t have to do anything. He will take care of all my needs.
“Thank fuck. You have no idea how badly I need you, Kai.” He walks over to me but doesn’t touch me. He lets the anticipation grow in my stomach.
“I’m taking control now. I know what you need, and I’ll make you come so hard you will be forced to release the pain. But if you need me to stop, tell me and I will. Even if we are in the middle of something. If you start having a nightmare or flashback, you have to tell me. Understood?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
My shoulders tense as Enzo circles behind me. I close my eyes, trying to block out any negative feelings with my eyelids.
But I know Enzo notices, even though we aren’t as connected as we used to be. He knows everything about my body. He knows when I’m lying and when I’m telling the truth. He knows when I’m hiding a secret from him. One I’m beginning to want to tell him.
My hand instinctively goes to my still flat stomach. It has begun to feel full and tight. Soon there will be no hiding the bump. And that terrifies me.
“Watch them, Kai,” Enzo purrs in a low, seductive voice into my ear.
I open my eyes, watching how the men turn the woman on. Their muscles flex for her. Their tongues dance over her skin, bringing her blood to the surface of her skin, and alerting her nerve endings to impending pleasure. The woman moans, and I feel an ache between my legs from the guttural sound.
“You deserve to be worshipped, beautiful.”
Enzo’s words brush against my neck with his breath, but he doesn’t touch me.
One of the men licks over the woman’s plump breasts, teasing and taunting her nipples to harden for him.
I feel my own nipples pebble, wanting to be licked like that.
The other man spreads the woman’s legs apart. His mouth lowers between her legs, and his tongue licks around her slit, careful not to actually touch her clit. I watch as the woman writhes, arching her back, trying to get the man to lick the sensitive bud. But he won’t. He enjoys tormenting her too much.
She wiggles harder, bucking, moaning, and screaming as the feelings become more and more intense.
“No,” I say.
One of the men holds her arms down, while the other keeps her legs spread on the bed.
No, stop! Don’t hurt her!
I run to the glass and start pounding. They have to stop hurting her! They can’t force her to do anything.