Fucking, fuck.
Okay, maybe if I could get that word out of my immediate thoughts, I could actually think straight and function.
Fuck!
I jump to my feet and storm to the kitchen, crumpling the letter Teal left me in my fingers and shoving it in my pocket. I couldn’t get her words out of my head even if I tried. There’s this constant sound that won’t end or stop.
The weeping of a small girl.
My breathing deepens at the thought of what happened to her and the way her voice, her tears, and her feelings were stolen.
It wasn’t only her innocence; it was her life essence. No wonder she built walls and forts and did everything possible to stay away.
I’m nothing in comparison. I had my parents, even if they were absentee. She had no one. Her only parent was a monster.
And now, she thinks my father is also a monster.
He’s not.
Edric and I might have some issues — okay, a lot, and all of them have to do with his stiff personality and the way he stole Mum away from me — but he’s not a paedophile.
He’s not sick.
Besides, he was too busy with Mum during the time frame Teal described. He didn’t go to Birmingham, and he never spent ten minutes away from Mum.
I know, because I hated him at the time. I hated how he wouldn’t let me stay in Mum’s room. I always thought he was controlling her, but it turns out he was only respecting her wish.
However, I do know who went to Birmingham on Dad’s behalf. I know who took care of the business and used the Astor name as he saw fit.
He sits on the counter in the kitchen. He hasn’t left, of course. If Dad says he wants to have a word with him and there’s a possible new business venture, Eduard the fucker mopes around like a dog waiting for a bone.
Lars notices me first and cuts off his one-sided glare towards Eduard. The latter is nose-deep in his English scones and bacon.
Lars has never hidden the fact that he doesn’t like Eduard, but since he never actually confirmed what happened that night, he couldn’t be Dad’s informant. Not to mention the fact that I would’ve fucking murdered him if he’d spilt my secret to Dad without my knowledge.
He already has fewer brownie points for hiding Mum’s sickness.
Eduard lifts his head from his plate and maintains eye contact. Soon enough, a glint shines in his bland green eyes and his giddiness comes out to play.
He’s always acted that way around me, as if I’m a puppy he lost and he wants it back at any price.
For a second, there’s this urge to grab the kitchen knife and jam it straight into his eyes and poke them the fuck out.
Or his intestine.
This fucker didn’t only ruin my life, he also destroyed Teal’s. I might have been ready to forget about me for my parents’ sakes, but Teal is another story altogether.
Teal will be the reason for his fucking demise.
“Morning, dear nephew—”
I jam my fist straight into his nose. He shrieks and tumbles from the chair, causing the plate to clatter on the counter.
Before he can get his footing back, I punch him again. He wails, clutching his bleeding nose. “What the fuck is wrong with you—”
I shut him up with another fist to his face. “That’s for me.” Punch. “For every fucking time I felt disgusting in my own skin.” Punch. “For betraying my parents’ trust.” Punch. “For all the times I had those nightmares and thought the world was an empty hole like that night.”
He’s on the ground by the time I’m finished with him. He splutters on his own blood, and it drips from his nose and mouth, mixing with his spit and pooling on the marble ground. “R-Ronan…” He chokes on his words. “It was a long time ago. I haven’t done it since then. I-I promise.”