“Nevertheless that was—is—your plan.”
She wasn’t letting him wriggle out of this. He knew he had to lay his heart before her like a tribute before a despotic queen. Good God, he owed it to her, after acting such a self-righteous clodpole.
“That’s something we need to discuss.”
She arched her eyebrows. Suddenly the grande dame. “Oh?”
“I think…I believe…I hope…”
He stopped. Damn, he made a hash of this. Drawing a deep breath, he strove to present his case with a modicum of address. “I seem to have overcome my…problem.” At least it was a complete sentence, even if he stumbled over the last word.
He’d never settled on how to describe the creeping horror that suffocated him when the ghosts of Rangapindhi howled. In his mind, he’d always called his affliction the demons, but that seemed too melodramatic a description in the clear light of day.
Charis’s eyes were unwavering. “I know.”
He made a frustrated sound deep in his throat. “Curse you, you don’t sound very pleased.”
“Of course I’m pleased.”
“Or surprised.” He spoke over the top of her declaration.
“You forget I saw you in the mine. I’ve never beheld a man more in control of himself or circumstances. Even bound as you were.” Her voice softened. “What happened, Gideon?”
“It’s hard to explain.” He paused, seeking the words. “It goes back to learning to touch you. That changed the world for me.”
“And after all that, I nearly lost you when you handed yourself over to my stepbrothers.” He couldn’t mistake the anger in her voice or the furious gold sparks in her eyes.
“I’d die to keep you safe.” He spoke from the depths of his heart. “You know that.”
“Yet you say you’re not a hero,” she said bitterly.
“I’m just a man, Charis. But protecting you is part of who I am. You can’t ask me to change that. I couldn’t, even if I wanted to.” His voice lowered to persuasion. “Come, sweetheart, let’s make peace.”
“I suppose I’ll forgive you.” There was a misty light in her eyes as she surveyed him. “Eventually.”
The time had come. His gut clenched with nerves as he realized his happiness depended on the next few minutes. She wouldn’t call him a hero if she knew the sheer unadulterated terror that closed his throat. He meant to offer her everything he was and everything he had. If she refused him, she’d cast him into darkness again.
“Walk with me. It’s not far to the house.” Over the next rise, they’d see the sea and Penrhyn. Home.
He drew Khan to a halt, slid to the ground, and lifted her down. His hands lingered at her slim waist, and again he fought the impulse to kiss her. They must settle everything first. Then, God help her, she’d spend the next week naked in his bed.
Hell, the next month.
They fell into step on the pale winter grass. The sun shone warm on his head, bright promise of
a new spring.
For a few moments, they walked shoulder to shoulder, him leading a placid Khan. Gideon tugged off his gloves and grabbed her hand. He’d tried to resist touching her, but it was impossible. The memory of her, her voice, her face, her sweetness, were all that had sustained him through the long, dark night of captivity. He needed to have her near more than he needed air to breathe.
Her fingers twined around his bare scarred hand with a welcome that made his heart stumble to a lovesick halt. Despite his hunger for her, he found himself reluctant to shatter this sweet idyll. There had been so much strife and anguish between them, this serenity seemed a benediction.
Typically, Charis was the one to confront all that lay unspoken. “Gideon, what happened at the mine?”
“I found myself again.” It was as close to the truth as he could manage. “You changed me. The memory of you kept me from losing my mind. And as the night went on, I discovered the dark was just the dark and people just people. The wild fancies of my imagination…vanished.” He put a vague thought into words. It was as good an explanation as any for the glorious change that had overtaken him. “A miracle.”
“No.” Her voice sounded husky as it always did when she succumbed to deep emotion. “It’s no miracle. Your own courage brought you clear of the storm. You faced your horrors when you surrendered yourself to my stepbrothers for my sake.”
Was she right? Would he ever know? It didn’t matter why he’d changed. What mattered was he had changed. “And being tied up in a mine gave me ample time for reflection.”