Tonight they’d moved from hostility through a brittle trust to a conflagration of rapture. But was this truce only a pause in ongoing warfare? Or could it form the foundations of a life together?
He prayed so, but years of futile yearning had taught him not to rely on the promise of happiness.
Just like that, reality descended. He and Alicia had enjoyed blazing pleasure tonight, but it didn’t answer the larger questions. He needed her commitment beyond one tumble between the sheets, no matter how earth-shaking that tumble was.
He’d wanted this woman since he’d first seen her. And as more than his lover, however powerful his desire. He wanted to know her as the other half of his spirit. He wanted to build a family with her. He wanted to grow old at her side. Nothing in ten years of separation had changed that.
But he was wise enough now to know that wanting wasn’t enough.
He could probably compel her to return to him. After all, the law was on his side. But for all his faults, he’d never been a bully. And he couldn’t bear to have her hating him again. He’d glimpsed something in her eyes tonight that had set his heart dancing. Although after being hurt for so long, it was impossible to be sure.
Could he face letting her go if she rose from this bed and announced she went back to London alone?
He might not be a bully, but the primitive who skulked inside him howled denial at the prospect of losing her again.
Slowly he raised himself on his elbows to stare down at her. He smoothed the disheveled blond hair away from her face. She looked beautiful, replete, weary. In spite of his good intentions, he’d used her ruthlessly. He’d wanted to cherish her, but passion had swept them up into a whirlwind where all that mattered was the drive to blinding consummation.
Piercing tenderness overwhelmed him, and he bent his head to kiss her gently on the lips. Not the hard, demanding kisses of earlier, although the ghost of hunger lingered in the soft touch. “Are you all right?”
She smiled up at him, and he struggled against believing that the light in her eyes was love. “Better than all right.” Her slender throat worked as she swallowed. “That was…that was remarkable.”
“Yes.” He fought against saying more. She was tired and defenseless. It wasn’t fair just now to harangue her about the future. Instead he kissed her again then rolled to the side. “It’s nearly morning.”
“Mmm.”
When he drew her against his side, she was slack with exhaustion, a delicious bundle of warm, sated womanhood. He paused to savor the moment, praying again that it spoke of a new start and not an ending. He’d sell his soul for the chance to hold her like this for the rest of their lives.
He held her until she slept, but for all his weariness and the throb of sexual satisfaction through his body, he couldn’t settle. Eventually he rose and padded over to the window. The morning air was cold on his bare skin, now that the fire had burned down to ashes.
Very quietly so as not to wake Alicia, he parted the curtains. Immediately brilliant light flooded the room. It was later than he’d realized. The storm had blown itself out overnight, and the pale sun rose over the horizon, painting the fresh snow gold and making it sparkle like diamonds.
The idyll of a winter’s night had given way to a new day. Christmas Day, he realized with surprise. A day of hope fulfilled. A day of beginnings.
Just what would those beginnings bring?
Would his glimpse of paradise prove brutally brief? Could all the lovely harmony of these last hours crash on the rocks of past wrongs and his insatiable demands?
Heaven forgive him, but he didn’t know how to be anything but demanding. He wanted Alicia with him. He wanted her in his bed. He couldn’t stop himself. He’d spent ten years yearning for her from afar. The experience had devastated him. He couldn’t go back to that again.
He mightn’t have any choice, damn it.
“How beautiful.”
He’d been so lost in his troubled thoughts, he hadn’t heard her rise from the bed. His heart slammed to a stop as she slid her arms around his waist and pressed her warmth to his back. He curled his hands over the windowsill to stop himself from sweeping her up and carrying her back to bed.
The bright light of Christmas Day told him that the magical night was over. Too soon, too soon, his aching heart protested. Now he’d tasted her ardor, he couldn’t live without her. And she’d tempted him with more than passion. The sweet intimacy of last night’s conversation. The tenderness of her embrace now.
Alicia was everything he wanted. Enduring their separation had been difficult enough before he’d glimpsed this joy. Now if she meant to leave him again, she’d destroy him.
“I thought you were asleep,” he said softly.
“I missed you.”
His gut lurched with anguish as she brushed a kiss across his bare shoulder. “I’ve missed you every day,” he said before he could stop himself.
“I thought you were glad to be rid of me.” Her voice was muffled against his skin. “I can’t blame you. I was such a silly chit.”
“You were enchanting. You still are.”