He looked stricken and lowered his hand. “That was an insensitive question, wasn’t it?”
“No,” she said. “You’re still feeling your way back to the world. And...and to me. I’m feeling my way back to you, too. We need to be kind to each other while we find out where we stand.”
His mouth twisted. With poignant curiosity, she wondered if he’d ever smile at her properly. From their first meeting, she’d loved his smile. Robert had smiled with his whole face. Even on the stormiest day, his smile always made her feel like the sun shone.
“Being kind to each other is a good rule in any case.” He paused. “I can’t keep from thinking about you left alone to raise our child. A widow too young.”
“Not a widow, thank goodness,” she said, glad they were talking about this, despite her disturbingly wanton inclinations. They had so much to make up for, and however intoxicating his touch, words alone could bridge the gulf between them.
She hoped one day—pray God, it came soon—he’d feel ready to share the details of his ordeal. Not because she wanted to hear. Her response to his terse retelling had been so devastating, she’d need all her strength to bear the full agonizing truth. But because she could only help him to heal when she knew the extent of his wounds.
His expression softened. “No, not a widow.”
Another silence fell, on Morwenna’s side brimming with gratitude too huge for mere words to express.
Robert reached forward to take her gloved hand. “Tell me about the last five years.”
Morwenna sighed, even as his touch made her heart skip a beat. How to cover such a long interval? “Kerenza has been the center of it, although I made sure she spent a lot of time with her cousins and uncles and aunts. I was so sunk in grief, I wasn’t always the best company for a lively toddler. Your family has been magnificent, especially Silas and Caro. They couldn’t do enough, and they’ve made sure I wanted for nothing.” She paused. “Except all I wanted was you alive and back in my arms. Even Silas couldn’t arrange that.”
Robert frowned. “You haven’t been living on my brother’s charity?”
“No, you left me more than adequately provided for. I’m talking about company and affection and support. I think for Caro and Silas, I was a link to you. They took me in for your sake.”
“And for yours. It’s clear they love you on your own account.”
“I hope they do. Just as I love them.” She smiled, as she remembered how good Robert’s family had always been to her. “And they love Kerenza like one of their own. I can’t tell you how thankful I am that she’s part of a family when she’s at Woodley Park.”
“I owe Silas so damned much,” he said, with a hint of grimness. “I should have stayed in London.”
She shook her head. “They see what it’s like for you. You find too much company...painful, don’t you?”
He looked startled. “Is it so obvious?”
“To people who care about you, it is. We all know you need time and understanding. Silas and Caro are willing to wait for you to recover your spirits.”
He shook his head in self-disgust. “In London, I could feel the pressure of them wanting me to fall back into their love. It sounds rude and ungracious, but...”
“But you’re not ready yet. They know.” She paused. “I know. And the house there was threatening to become a riot with all those people clamoring to see you.”
“I felt under siege, even with Silas turning the visitors away.”
While Morwenna and Caro had struggled to come to terms with Robert’s miraculous survival, a constant stream of callers had come to the door. Some to offer genuine good wishes, most curious to see Robert returned from the dead, and a good number avid for gossip about the disastrous end to her engagement to Garson.
To her regret, Robert released her hand. “I felt like a wild animal on display in a menagerie.”
“And it’s too much.”
“It is.” His hands clenched on his thighs, and his expression tightened again. “I’ll be an ordinary man again, Morwenna. I swear I will.”
“Robert, don’t be so hard on yourself. You only came home yesterday.” She placed a soothing hand over one closed fist. Emotion turned her voice husky. “And for heaven’s sake, you’ve never been an ordinary man. You’ve always been wonderfully exceptional.”
He placed his other hand over hers, and she drew silent strength from his touch. She hated to see his pain and confusion. But at least he was here. She’d never imagined she’d touch him again, or hear his voice, or look into that beloved face, even sadly changed.
“Thank you.” He turned his hand to lace his fingers through hers.
He’d done that in London, when she’d touched his hand in silent reassurance while he’d struggled to tell his story. The gesture had moved her then. It moved her now. A proclamation that he and Morwenna stood together against the world.
“Your family just want what’s best for you.”