The world expected a widow to be sad.
The world expected a widow to be lonely.
The world didn't expect a widow to be bored to the point of throwing a brick through a window, just to shatter the endless monotony of her prescribed year of mourning.
Outside the opulent drawing room, fashionable Grosvenor Square presented a bleak view. Leafless trees, gray skies, people scurrying past wrapped up beyond recognition as they rushed to be indoors again. Even
inside, the winter air kept its edge. The bitter weather reflected the chill inside Caroline, Lady Beaumont; the endless fear that she sacrificed her youth to stultifying convention. She sighed heavily and flattened one palm on the cold glass, wondering if there would always be a barrier between her and freedom.
"You're out of sorts today, Caro," Fenella, Lady Deerham, said softly from where she presided over the tea table. While Caroline was this afternoon's hostess, habit—and good sense—saw Fenella dispensing refreshments. She was neat and efficient in her movements, unlike Caroline who tended to gesticulate when something caught her attention. Fenella would never spill tea over the priceless Aubusson carpet.
"It's so blasted miserable out there." Caroline still stared discontentedly at the deserted square. "I don't think I've seen the sun in three months."
"Now, you know that's an exaggeration," Helena, Countess of Crewe, said from the gold brocade sofa beside the roaring fire.
How like Helena to stick to facts. On their first meeting, this intellectual, sophisticated woman had terrified Caroline. She'd since learned to appreciate Helena's incisive mind and plain speaking—most of the time.
Nor would anyone have predicted Caroline's friendship with Fenella. Fenella was gentle and sweet, and at first, Caroline had dismissed her as a bit of a fool. But after a year's acquaintance, she recognized Fenella's kindness as strength not weakness, a strength that threw an unforgiving light on her own occasional lack of generosity.
She'd met Helena Wade and Fenella Deerham at one of the dull all-female gatherings designated suitable entertainment for women grieving the loss of a spouse. Their youth—all three were under thirty—had drawn them together rather than any immediate affinity. But somehow, despite their differences, or perhaps because of them, Caroline now counted these two disparate ladies as her closest friends.
With another sigh, Caroline turned to face the room. "I doubt I'd have survived my mourning without you two."
Helena paused in sipping her tea, her striking dark-eyed face with its imperious Roman nose expressing puzzlement. "That sounds discomfitingly like a farewell. Do you plan to abandon us for more exciting company once your official year is up?"
Fenella regarded Helena with rare reproach. "Don't tease her. She's only saying what's true for all of us."
"Exactly, Fen." Caroline sent the pretty blonde in the plain gray dress a grateful smile. "Trust our resident dragon to puncture my sentimental bubble."
Helena, slender and elegant in her widow's weeds—Caroline envied her friend's ability to create style from crepe and bombazine—watched her thoughtfully, not noticeably gratified by the declaration. "Nonetheless your seclusion ends next month. No wonder you're champing at the bit."
Horsy terms littered Helena's conversation. She was by reputation a punishing rider, although bereavement had curtailed her exercise.
"Aren't you?" Caroline crossed to extend her delicate Meissen cup for more tea.
"Devoting a year of my life to the memory of a brute like Crewe is hypocritical at the very least. Not to mention an infernal waste of time in the saddle."
"Seclusion must chafe when you didn't love your husband," Caroline said, taking a sip.
Helena's gaze didn't waver. "You didn't love yours either."
Caroline wanted to protest, but the sad truth was that Helena was right. Freddie had been a stranger when she'd married him, and their years together hadn't done much to increase the intimacy. Marriage was a cruel yoke, uniting such an incompatible pair. Even crueler that she'd been forced to follow Freddie's dictates as to where they lived and what they did. Mourning him was the last obligation she owed her late husband. Once the year was over, she meant to enjoy her independence and never surrender it again.
"Helena!" Fenella said repressively as she refilled the other cups. "We both know Caro was fond of Beaumont."
Helena's laugh was grim. "The way she's fond of a dog, Fen?"
In the stark afternoon light, Fenella's beauty was ethereal. "You're unkind."
Helena shook her glossy dark head. "No, I'm honest. Surely after all these months, it's time we spoke openly to one another." A trace of warmth softened her cool, precise voice. "Because you've both proven my salvation, too. I would have run mad without you to remind me that other people have feelings, Fen. Caro, I never have to pretend with you. And for some reason you both seem to like me anyway."
Helena generally steered clear of emotion. This was the closest she'd ever ventured to confidences. Surprised, Caroline studied her, seeing more than she ever had before. At last, she glimpsed the deep reserves of feeling lurking beneath that self-assured exterior.
"Mostly," she said in a dry tone, knowing Helena would take the response the way it was meant.
"So did you love Frederick Beaumont?" Helena persisted.
Poor Freddie, saddled with a weak constitution and an unloving helpmeet. Hatred would have been a greater tribute than his wife's indifference. How sad for a decent, if tedious man to die so young. Sadder that nobody in particular cared that he'd gone.