“I don’t know. I thought I wanted to find out what’s between us, but I’m just so confused.”
“Please don’t let this hold us back from doing that, from still discovering what we have.”
“I’m not the one keeping us from moving forward. You’re the one who waited to spill this out. Why now? Why tell me this tonight?”
“Because I want more than just sex with you. I care about you, and I want all of you, but I can’t demand that until you know what being with me involves.”
“You want all of me?” she asked, her voice going a little high, as if doubting his words.
“I want everything from you,” he said. He needed to touch her, feel her skin against his. His body craved that more than the air that he needed to breathe. He stood and inched closer to her. When she didn’t move, he pulled her tense body to his so he could kiss the side of her face. He whispered against her. “Baby, I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me? I know I should have told you. I promise to be nothing but honest with you from now on. I promise.”
She tensed up a little and then moved out of his reach again.
With each time she did that it was like she pulled a part of him with her. It killed him to see her act like she didn’t love him.
“No, Andrei. This is too big for you to just try to make me forget with a damn kiss. You have kids. Children I never knew about. I can’t believe I asked you to go with me to Chicago. What was I thinking?”
“I’m honored that you’d even ask that. Don’t you ever regret that.”
“I know better than this, but I got sucked in. Ever since Montego Bay, I’ve been consumed with this relationship, with you.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“It is when I don’t know who I am when I’m with you. I forget the real world, Andrei, and that’s not a good thing. Not for people like me who have to protect the people in that reality. The world still exists outside those doors, and you’ve made that clear tonight.”
“Calm down, Victoria.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t tell me to calm down. This isn’t a calm-down moment. It’s a freak-the-fuck-out moment. I just don’t think I have the energy to be as angry as I should.”
“Good. I don’t want you angry.”
“Of course you don’t. You want me to just accept it as if it’s nothing and be the good, understanding one in all of this.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“The idea of being a parent scares me.”
“You don’t have to worry about that anytime soon. I don’t want you to think I’m out looking for a second mother for them. That’s not why I’m with you.” He tried to take her hand, but she moved away again. He sat in a seat to give her the space she wanted. “I care about you so much.”
“Then why lie to me?”
“I didn’t set out to lie to you. I just didn’t tell you. There’s a difference.”
“Not telling me something that big is like lying. Don’t act like a lawyer with me. This isn’t a courtroom.”
“It’s starting to feel like one.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s just that we can talk about this like two adults and figure it out together without it turning into you versus me. There’s no winner and loser here. Sit down, and we can figure it out. I’m sure we can.” He gestured to the matching seat, which gave some space between them unlike the couch had. He hated not being closer to her, but he’d give her all the distance she needed. Even though he wanted to storm over there and kiss the anger away like he’d kissed that race nonsense out of her earlier.
“I can’t sit beside you right now,” she said. “I’m too upset.”
Their first fight and he didn’t know what to say to ease her mind. He ran his fingers through his hair.
When the evening began, she’d wanted him to think about Chicago and the possibility of going there with her. Now, it felt like she wouldn’t want him within a couple of inches of her. That irritated him more than he wanted it to because the woman in front of him was all he could ever hope to find in a partner. She was feisty, determined, gorgeous, and the total package. She made his cock ache without even being in the same room as him. She impacted him that much.
“Tell me what you want,” Andrei said. “Tell me what you need me to do, and I’ll do it.” He offered and knew he’d hate giving her that choice, but if he didn’t he knew she’d really grow to hate him then.