I whirled on him. “I am not in this city for you or Lewis or this life.”
“Doesn’t really look like that from the outside. Were you lying to me in Charleston when you said you didn’t want to be a part of this world? Were you lying when you said it could have worked out between us? I let you go because I understood where you were coming from. I hate my life. I can’t really escape. There’s no hope for me, and I refuse to put that burden on someone else. But now, you’re back, and you’re living this life of your own free will.”
My hands were trembling. I was so pissed off at what he was saying. The truth in his words and the lies in his words. The way he twisted what I’d said when he hurt me to fit the world I was living in now.
“I don’t have to justify myself to you.”
“No, of course not. You can walk all over my heart, but a justification is too much to ask for.”
“Walk all over your heart?” I gasped. “After what you did, you want me to believe that this is hurting you?”
“Isn’t that why you’re doing it?”
I shook my head in frustration. “God, you are so narcissistic. You’re just mad that you’re not getting your way.”
“Yes, I’m mad. I’m fucking mad that I let you go because you didn’t want this life. But now, you’re willing to have that life with someone else.”
The words were a slap in the face. They weren’t a lie either. This life didn’t feel the same with Lewis as it had with Penn. There wasn’t Katherine. I didn’t have ex-girlfriends trying to jump in and take what belonged to me. Or his mother firing me and calling me trash. Or a fucking bet. And I didn’t have to deal with this bullshit.
I calmly met his steely blue gaze. “Maybe I realized only your world is too small for me to be in it.”
“That’s bullshit, Natalie, and you know it. Lewis and I live in the same world. That’s why I’m here. That’s why he’s here. You might think you can escape it, but you can’t. There is no in-between. No half-in, half-out. You’ll get sucked in, and you won’t be able to get out.”
“You’re wrong. This isn’t my world. I’m just here to write. Everything else is secondary.”
“Then why are you with him?” Penn demanded.
“I don’t want to…”
“I know you don’t want to talk about it. But I don’t give a damn. I want to talk about it.”
Something snapped inside of me. “Why do you even care?” I demanded. “You’ve clearly moved on. Fucked half of the Upper East Side, right? Back to your old ways?” I jerked the door against his arm, and he finally gave. The door sliding open to the hallway beyond. “I don’t want to hear any more of your hypocrisy.”
Penn opened his mouth to respond, but I never heard it. I just saw his face close off and his eyes narrow, and then suddenly, a throat cleared behind me.
I turned to the open door in surprise, completely caught off guard.
“There you are, Natalie. I was looking for you,” Lewis drawled, his eyes fixed on Penn.
Natalie
17
Fuck.
Well, just…fuck.
I didn’t know what to say. I was standing alone in a bedroom with Penn Kensington. Yes, we had kissed. Well…mostly, he’d kissed me, and then we’d yelled at each other a lot. But still. It definitely looked bad from Lewis’s point of view.
“Lewis,” Penn said stiffly.
“What’s up, man?” Lewis said. He nudged the door open a bit wider and even held his hand out. “Long time no see. You coming back out in the real world now?”
Penn looked down at Lewis’s hand, and for a second, I thought he wouldn’t shake it. That he’d throw the punch right then and there. But he did take it. They shook a quick, hard shake and then released.
“Semester is over. Easier to get out. Figure society missed me. Going to be out all the time now,” he said pointedly.
“Ah, just like this spring then?” Lewis asked with a grin.
Penn narrowed his eyes. “Not exactly my plan.”
“Well, it’ll be good to have you back. Can’t stay in that ivory tower forever.”
“Oh, I have no intention of staying away.” Penn slid his hands into his pockets and raised his eyebrows.
“I was surprised to see Lark here. She asked me to do shots.”
“That right? Both of us out in one night,” Penn mused with a glint in his eyes.
“Yes, how…convenient.”
They were saying more with their eyes than with words. I gathered that Penn must have sent Lark to distract Lewis, so we could be alone. It was…sneaky. Even for him.
“We should go,” I told Lewis.
Lewis finally looked down at me. His depthless, dark eyes filled with warmth. “If you’re ready to go, we can. But I think Jane was looking for you.”