"You should hear what this Accepted has to say."
Saerin looked up, realizing that the voice belonged to Captain Chubain. He had his hand on the shoulder of a young Arafellin Accepted with blue eyes and a plump round face. What was her name? Mair, that was it. The poor child looked ragged. Her face sported a number of cuts and some scrapes that would likely bruise. Her Accepted dress was ripped on the sleeve and shoulder.
"Child?" Saerin asked, glancing at Chubain's worried face. What was wrong?
"Saerin Sedai," the girl whispered, curtsying, then wincing at the action. "I. . . ."
"Spit it out, child," Saerin demanded. "This isn't a night for dawdling."
Mair looked down. "It's the Amyrlin, Saerin Sedai. Elaida Sedai. I was attending her tonight, taking transcriptions for her. And. ..."
"And what?" Saerin said, feeling a growing chill.
The girl started crying. "The entire wall burst in, Saerin Sedai. The rubble covered me; I think they thought I was dead. I couldn't do anything! I'm sorry!"
Light intercede! Saerin thought. She can't be saying what I think she is. Can she?
Elaida awoke to a very odd sensation. Why was her bed moving? Rippling, undulating. So rhythmic. And that wind! Had Carlya left the window open? If so, the maid would be beaten. She'd been warned. She'd been—
This was not her bed. Elaida opened her eyes and found herself looking down at a dark landscape hundreds of feet below. She was tied to the back of some strange beast. She couldn't move. Why couldn't she move? She reached for the Source, then felt a sudden, sharp pain, as though she had suddenly been beaten on every inch of her body with a thousand rods.
She reached up, dazed, feeling the collar at her throat. There was a dark figure riding in the saddle next to her; no lanterns lit the woman's face, but Elaida could feel her somehow. Elaida could just barely remember spending time dangling in the air, tied to a rope, as she fell in and out of consciousness. When had she been pulled up? What was happening?
A voice whispered from the night. "I shall forgive that little mistake. You have been marath'damane for very long, and bad habits are to be expected. But you will not reach for the Source again without permission. Do you understand?"
"Release me!" Elaida bellowed.
The pain returned tenfold, and Elaida retched at the intensity of it. Her bile and sick-up fell over the side of the beast and dropped far to the ground below.
"Now, now," the voice said, patient, like a woman speaking to a very young child. "You must learn. Your name is Suffa. And Suffa will be a good damane. Yes she will. A very, very good damane."
Elaida screamed again, and this time, she didn't stop when the pain came. She just kept screaming out into the uncaring night.
CHAPTER 42
Before the Stone of Tear
TT TT*"/^ e don't know the names of the women who were in Graendal's palace, \\ / Lews Therin said. We can't add them to the list. \ W Rand tried to ignore the madman. That proved impossible.
Lews Therin continued.
How can we continue the list if we don't know the names! In war, we sought out the Maidens who had fallen, We found every one! The list is flawed! I can't continue!
It's not your list! Rand growled. It's mine, Lews Therin. MINE!
No! the madman sputtered. Who are you? It's mine! I made it. I can't continue now that they're dead. Oh, Light! Balefire? Why did we use balefire! I promised that I would never do that again. . . .
Rand squeezed his eyes shut, holding tightly to Tai'daishar's reins. The warhorse picked his way down the street; the hooves hit packed earth, one after another.
What have we become? Lews Therin whispered. We're going to do it again, aren't we? Kill them all. Everyone we've loved. Again, again, again. . . .
"Again and again," Rand whispered. "It doesn't matter, as long as the world survives. They cursed me before, swore at Dragonmount and by my name, but they lived. We're here, ready to fight. Again and again."
"Rand?" Min asked.
He opened his eyes. She rode her dun mare next to Tai'daishar. He couldn't let her, or any of them, see him slipping. They mustn't know how close he was to collapsing.
So many names we don't know, Lews Therin whispered. So many dead by our hand.