You're a fool, Matrim Cauthon. Not a hero. Just a fool.
"We'll get to Moiraine, Thorn," Mat said. "You have my word, burn me. We'll find her. But we have to see the Band someplace safe, and we need information. Bayle Domon says he knows where the tower is, but I won't be comfortable until we can go to some large city and sniff for rumors and stories about this tower. Someone has to know something. Besides, we'll need supplies, and I doubt we'll find what we need in these mountain villages. We need to reach Caemlyn if possible, though maybe we'll stop at Four Kings on the way."
Thorn nodded, though Mat could see he chafed at leaving Moiraine trapped, being tortured or who knows what. Thorn's brilliant blue eyes got a far-off look to them. Why did he care so much? What was Moiraine to him but another Aes Sedai, one of those who had cost the life of Thorn's nephew?
"Burn it," Mat said. "We're not supposed to be thinking about things like this, Thorn! We're going to have a good night of dice and laughter. There'll probably be some time for a song or two as well."
Thorn nodded, face growing lighter. He had his harp case strapped to the back of his horse; it would be good to see him open it again. "You plan to try juggling for your supper again, apprentice?" Thom asked, eyes twinkling.
"Better than trying to play that blasted flute," Mat grumbled. "Never was very good at that. Rand took to it right fine, though, didn't he?"
Colors swirled in Mat's head, resolving to an image of Rand, sitting alone in a room by himself. He sat splay-legged in a richly embroidered shirt, a coat of black and red tossed aside and crumpled next to the log wall beside him. Rand had one hand to his forehead as if trying to squeeze away the pain of a headache. His other was . . .
That arm ended in a stump. The first time Mat had seen that—a few weeks back—it had shocked him. How had Rand lost the hand? The man barely seemed alive, propped up like that, unmoving. Though his lips did seem to be moving, mumbling or muttering. Light! Mat thought. Burn you, what are you doing to yourself?
Well, at least Mat wasn't near him. Count your fortunes in that, Mat told himself. Life hadn't been so easy lately, but he could have been stuck near Rand. Sure, Rand was a friend. But Mat didn't mean to be there when Rand went insane and killed everyone he knew. There was friendship, and then there was stupidity. They'd fight together at the Last Battle, of course, no helping that. Mat just hoped to be on the other side of that battlefield from any saidin-wielding madmen.
"Ah, Rand," Thorn said. "That boy could have made a life for himself as a gleeman, I warrant. Maybe even a proper bard, if he'd started when he was younger."
Mat shook his head, dispelling the vision. Burn you, Rand. Leave me alone,
"Those were better days, weren't they, Mat?" Thorn smiled. "The three of us, traveling down the river Arinelle."
"Myrddraal chasing us for reasons unknown," Mat added grimly. Those days hadn't been so easy either. "Darkfriends trying to stab us in the back every time we turned around."
"Better than gholam and Forsaken trying to kill us."
"That's like saying you're grateful to have a noose around your neck instead of a sword in your gut."
"At least you can escape the noose, Mat." Thorn knuckled his long, white mustache. "Once the sword is stuck into you, there's not much you can do about it."
Mat hesitated, then found himself laughing. He rubbed at the scarf around his neck. "I suppose you're right at that, Thom. I suppose you're right. Well, for today why don't we forget about all of that? We'll go back and pretend things are like they once were!"
"I don't know if that's possible, lad."
"Sure it is," Mat said stubbornly.
"Oh?" Thom asked, amused. "You're going to go back to thinking that old Thom Merrilin is the wisest, most well traveled man you've ever known? You'll play the gawking peasant again, clinging to my coat every time we pass a village with more than one inn in it?"
"Here now. I wasn't so bad as all that."
"I hasten to differ, Mat," Thom said, chuckling.
"I don't remember much." Mat scratched at his head again. "But I do recall that Rand and I did right well for ourselves after we split up with you. We made it to Caemlyn, at least. Brought your flaming harp back to you unharmed, didn't we?"
"I noticed a few nicks in the frame. . . ."
"Burn you, none of that!" Mat said, pointing at him. "Rand practically slept with that harp. Wouldn't think of selling it, even when we were so hungry we'd have gnawed on our own boots if we hadn't needed them to get to the next town." Those days were fuzzy to Mat, full of holes, like an iron bucket left too long to rust. But he had pieced together some things.
Thom chuckled. "We can't go back, Mat. The Wheel has turned, for better or worse. And it will keep on turning, as lights die and forests dim, storms call and skies break. Turn it will. The Wheel is not hope, and the Wheel does not care, the Wheel simply is. But so long as it turns, folk may hope, folk may care. For with light that fades, another will eventually grow, and each storm that rages must eventually die. As long as the Wheel turns. As long as it turns. ..."
Mat guided Pips around a particularly deep cleft in the broken roadway. Ahead, Talmanes chatted with several of their guards. "That has the sound of a song about it, Thom."
thers joined her, and the tent burst into flames, Rorik jumping back as they channeled. Romanda thought she heard the insects popping and sizzling inside. The Aes Sedai moved back from the sudden heat. In moments, the entire tent was an inferno. Women rushed out of nearby tents to look.
"I do no think that was natural," Magla said softly. "Those did be four-spine roaches. Sailors do see them on ships that visit Shara."
"Well, it isn't the worst we've seen from the Dark One," Siuan said, folding her arms. "And we'll see worse yet, mark my words." She eyed Shemerin. "Come, I want that map from you."