“I knew he wouldn’t hurt me,” Noa said, voice bored.
“How?” Jo shook her head. “I love you, Noa. We all do. But despite how well you can fight, Diel’s height and build alone could have taken you down. If he’d wanted to, he could have killed you.”
“He wouldn’t have hurt me,” Noa said again, knowing in her cold heart that it was true.
“But how did you know?” Beth asked, all big brown eyes, soft pretty features and pink cheeks.
Noa reached for the fruit bowl in the center of the table and took out a red apple. She bit a chunk from it, letting the sweet juice trickle down her throat.
Dinah lifted her hands from the table, eyes still fixed on Noa. She closed her eyes, sighed, then opened them again. “It’s back, isn’t it?”
Noa just chewed on her apple, slowly, measuredly. She swallowed the chunk that was in her mouth then wiped her lips with the back of her hand. “It never went away.” Noa placed her half-eaten piece of fruit on the table. She smirked as she thought of the Garden of Eden. The Fall. The introduction of sin to the world. Eve, the so-called temptress who brought paradise to its knees.
“What didn’t?” Naomi asked, her soft lisp sounding like a whisper.
But Noa’s attention was still fixed on Dinah. “It lives in them all too,” she said, knowing Dinah understood exactly what she was saying. Noa leaned back in her chair. “I buried it. Pushed it down deep, you know I did. But it still lived. It was still there.” Noa tapped her ear. “I could still hear its heartbeat.” She tapped her chest. “Could still feel it breathing down deep.” She looked at the apple again, her head tipped to the side. “Like a coiled snake, waiting … just … waiting …”
“What the hell are we talking about?” Candace asked, her focus snapping back and forth between Noa and Dinah in confusion. Their other sisters were no different.
“You can fight it.” Sympathy shone in Dinah’s dark eyes. Noa huffed a humorless laugh. Dinah ignored it. “You can fight it. You have done before.”
“I’m tired.” Noa lowered her eyes, her voice breaking as she let a sliver of vulnerability burst through. She was safe with her sisters.
It was safe.
She heard Dinah’s quick inhale. Tears filled Noa’s eyes, and she looked up to see that Dinah’s were shining too. “They embrace it,” Noa said, talking about the Fallen. “They don’t shy from who they are.” A lump gathered in her throat. She tried to swallow, but it hurt. Noa felt the ice around her heart thaw; she felt it crack. “Is it so bad?” Her voice was now a whisper. “Who I really am? I would never hurt any of you.” She blinked fast, just to clear her vision.
Dinah shook her head as she brushed wayward tears from her cheeks. “No,” she rasped. “Of course not.”
“It’s been eating me alive,” Noa said, referring to the darkness that lay within her. “Like a wound that wouldn’t heal.” She rubbed at her throat. “Like a scream that couldn’t escape, couldn’t be heard.”
Dinah’s eyes squeezed shut. “Noa—”
Noa cut her off. “He understands.”
She thought back to the folly. The fight. The clashing of wills. Her inner darkness melding itself to his.
Noa met Dinah’s stare. “He’s like me.” Noa’s neck felt heavy as she imagined being under the metal collar that had controlled Diel for so long. “He’s exactly like me. I may have only just met him, but when someone gets you, truly gets you, recognizes the fucked-up thing inside you and shares it too, you may as well have known them a lifetime.” Noa blinked, grounding herself back in the here and now, in the kitchen with all her sisters watching her. She sat up straight.
“Things are changing.” Noa glanced out of the window. The sun was bursting through heavy gray clouds, illuminating the grounds in a dusky yellow glow. The mass of tall trees swayed in the wind, and she could almost feel its coldness against her face, feel the elements swirling around her, infusing her with energy—air, water, fire, wind and the aether.
Her hand moved to her chest, to the pentagram that had been burned onto her skin by the Witch Finders. Her fingers traveled along each point. The brand seemed to heat beneath them as she let an echo of her past into her heart.
The Lady will guide you, she heard a voice whisper into her ear. The familiar female voice brought comfort. Her tone settled any frayed nerves in Noa’s body. Follow your senses …
Noa had been pulled to Diel. Something had instantly steered her toward him.
The boy … the collar …
Had it been a guide? Had it been part of a grander plan that was yet unclear?
“I should never have pushed it down inside me.” Noa met her sisters’ gazes. “Priscilla warned me not to. She told me not to shun who I was, that it would be as corrosive as acid poured straight onto the flesh of my heart. That it would hurt more than any pain I’d ever felt, to suppress myself. She told me to embrace all parts of me. No matter how fucked up they were. She told me to be completely myself … especially after years of being punished for who we were, how we were raised, our families.” Noa’s voice shook as she said that, but she cleared her throat and finished, “Pris told me to be Noa, and nobody else.”