“Not yet, but I’m going. I wanted to wait until the Nashes were gone.” He wiped his eyes. Once again, there was a time she would have gone to him and put her arms around him. Now she knew he really wouldn’t want her to do that. The wall was back between them.
He turned around to face her. His eyes were red, and she guessed hers probably were, too. “I think it’s time for that divorce. We’ll each be better off.”
“I know, Tom. It’s all right,” she said. She looked at his broad shoulders and wondered if he was right. “I’ll go back to Uncle Woody’s tomorrow. If you can get someone to help me, I’d like to move a few things from here. Can I borrow a pickup?”
“Don’t ask
stuff like that. Do whatever you damn please. We share this ranch. I’ll get two guys to help and you take anything and everything you want. You know how much this house means to me.”
That hurt, because this house was where they had spent some wonderful years and it was the only home Ryan had known except Uncle Woody’s.
“Thank you for all you did for me in Royal.”
“I’ll keep up with the window guys, also the floor people and the roofers. The floors should be done in two weeks. I’ll check and let you know.” He stood looking at her. “I’m going back to the guesthouse. What time do you want the guys here tomorrow?”
“I should be ready at about ten o’clock. I’ll take some things. I may want to come back and get some more.”
“Sure. Do what you want. Let me know if you need help.” He looked at her a long time and turned away, passing her and going inside. She suspected he walked straight through and out the front and was headed to the guest cottage.
She went in, walking to the window to watch, and saw she was right. He walked with that straight back that people in the military develop. With each step he was walking out of her life.
She thought about Ryan’s heart beating in Polly’s chest. Her baby’s heart—still beating, giving life to another child. Longing for Ryan, to hold him again and hear his laughter, swamped Emily. Longing for Tom quickly followed, to have his strong arms around her, his solid reassurance. She put her head in her hands and cried, aware she was losing Tom now even though she still loved him with all her heart. They’d had unhappy moments and she thought their love had crumbled, but she realized that was one more mistake. She loved him and she always would.
When she had calmed down, she locked up and went upstairs to sit on the balcony of the big master bedroom and cried some more. She hurt over both of them and she knew she would continue to hurt.
* * *
The next day she called Tom and didn’t get an answer. She selected furniture she wanted and called their foreman, Gus. He already knew she was taking furniture to the house in Royal and he had three guys to help and two pickups and they were ready when she was.
Wondering where Tom was, she told Gus to send the men over. In a short time they were on the drive by the back door. She knew all three—Bix Smith, Ty Green and Marty Holcomb.
She showed them which pieces of furniture to pack up. Tom didn’t want anything to do with the house, so she took what she wanted.
She drove her car to Royal behind the two pickups and they spent the morning unloading furniture. The men left before noon, and when she was alone, she looked around, remembering Tom in every room and the happiness she’d had while they worked on the renovations together. The time had been good, but why couldn’t life ahead be filled with a lot more good times? They had been through the worst. She stood gazing down the hall, seeing Tom there, smiling, flirting with her, making her laugh. Why were they getting a divorce when they had so much between them that was wonderful and fulfilling?
Thinking about their future, she drove down Main Street, turning on the block where her studio was located. As she stepped out of her car, the enticing smell of baking bread assailed her and she remembered Tom buying two loaves and eating half of one himself that night. She went into the bakery and bought two more loaves. She could always freeze them if she didn’t eat them.
She went into her studio to pick up her mail and saw two other proofs of Tom’s pictures on her desk. She picked one up and looked at him. “I love you,” she whispered.
And that’s when it hit her.
“We can’t give up what we have,” she said. “We’re not going to get a divorce, Tom Knox, because life with you is too awesome. It’s way too marvelous to give up.” She sat there staring at his picture. She didn’t want a divorce. They’d had wonderful moments in the past weeks they were together. They had weathered the worst and survived and they still could enjoy each other’s company.
She was going back to the ranch to find Tom and tell him she didn’t want the divorce. She still had clothes at the ranch, so she didn’t have to go home and get anything.
As she drove back to the ranch, she missed Tom and thought about the happiness they’d had together. Their love had moments when it was so great. She also thought about their lovemaking, which had been exciting and bound them together closer than ever. She wasn’t ready to give up on their marriage. Not after the time she had spent with him.
But there was still the question of children. She thought about Tom as a father. He needed children in his life. She did, too. He was willing to adopt and he was right—they both would love any child in their lives. Why had she been so opposed to adoption? If she’d only agreed to adopt, this divorce wouldn’t be looming in her life. Another big mistake she had made. But mistakes could be fixed sometimes. She hoped it wasn’t too late.
As soon as she turned onto the ranch road, she called Tom, but he didn’t answer. She didn’t see his pickup at the guesthouse when she passed it, so he must be out on the ranch.
She decided to stay at the mansion until she reached him. She tried the rest of the day and that night, but when she still didn’t get him at midnight, she wondered if he had stopped taking her calls.
She slept little that night, pacing the floor and thinking about Tom, their past and their future.
By morning she was firmly set in her opinions about their future.
She didn’t intend to walk away and lose him, because for the past few weeks, he had acted like a man in love. And she was definitely in love with him. She had fallen in love with him when she was sixteen and she had never stopped loving him.