I PUT in a good performance for the rest of the night, and Laurie and Brett have fun, which is what matters. After screeching at each other in the guise of singing karaoke, watching a troupe of male and female exotic dancers, while everybody gets pleasantly drunk, except me, we finally pile back into our cars and taxis.
Back in the hotel, Laurie sneaks off to Brett’s suite and I’m left alone to dwell on Landon, Ava and the fact that I’m pregnant.
He loves me, I whisper to myself, trying to control the irrational feelings of jealousy, the pictures my imagination does not hesitate to conjure. He loves me.
I hear a vibrating sound. It’s my phone, from inside my purse. I know it’s Landon, but I don’t trust myself to talk to him. My head, now that I’m alone, is filled with irrational suspicions. What if he’s still with Ava so many hours later? What if the reason he was meeting her is something that will hurt me?
What if…
I breathe, pulling myself off that line of thought. I ignore the call and go to the bathroom to take a shower and wash away all the makeup and club debris. Maybe Landon will assume that I’ve gone to bed, and maybe I should. By tomorrow, I’ll probably be able to speak to him without giving free rein to my jealousy and saying things I’ll regret.
When I return to the room, the hotel phone is ringing, and I pick it up without thinking.
“Are you avoiding my calls?” Landon’s voice is tight, almost angry. Immediately I get angry too. Why should I be the one trying to explain myself when he’s the one who was meeting with his ex-girlfriend?
“How was Ava?” I ask pointedly.
He makes a sound. “So that’s it, isn’t it? You were ignoring my calls because I met with Ava? How about trying not to interpret every single situation to confirm your insecurities?
My insecurities? I bristle at the words. If I was insecure, I had good reason. “Why would I feel secure about the fact that you saw your former long-term girlfriend without letting me know? Even though you’re aware that I have an issue with your continued relationship with her. Maybe you need her to convince her family to sell you a few more properties, or maybe she needs some comforting seeing as her asshole brother is going off the rails. And you’re so considerate of her feelings aren’t you, even when your safety is at stake.”
“Don’t be like this.” His voice is serious, quiet.
I swallow and breathe, trying to calm my thoughts. “Why did you meet her?”
“Evans left the rehab facility, and I haven’t been able to find out where he is. I thought she might know.”
“When?”
“More than a week ago.”
“More than…” I sigh, thinking of the extra security measures. He had known, but he hadn’t bothered to tell me. “You didn’t tell me. I was right there with you and you didn’t tell me? You let me travel…” I breathe. “You keep treating me like I’m some piece of candy on your arm. I ask you to see someone about your nightmares, you don’t. You have a problem and you ignore my input and the problem escalates but you choose not to share it with me.” A frustrated sound escapes my lips. “I want to trust that I’m your partner, not just a replacement for Ava, the woman who somehow keeps popping up in your life, in our lives.”
“Stop it,” he says. His voice is somehow calm, even though mine has been rising steadily as I spoke. “You’re making this much more than it is.”
“Am I? Why did you have to ‘meet’ her? Why couldn’t she tell you on the phone if she knew where he was? Did she ask to set a date… tell you she’d rather talk in person? I’m sure she did, and of course, you couldn’t say no because… Ava.” I stop, angry with him, with Ava, with myself. Was it too much that I never wanted to hear her name again, that I wanted him to forget that he had ever been with her. Wasn’t that love? Wanting to erase the thought of everyone that came before you, because what he felt for you made them… irrelevant?
“You’re obviously not prepared to listen to me,” Landon says slowly. “I have a lot to deal with over here. If you want to be suppo
rtive, instead of creating a scenario in your head and refusing to entertain anything else, understand that I have a lot on my mind.”
“So I’m being unreasonable,” I mutter. I’m suddenly on the verge of tears. “You know what? I don’t feel like talking anymore. I want to go to bed.”
“Rachel...”
I don’t reply. I hear him sigh, a frustrated sound, just before I cut the connection.
THE next day is spa day, and I push my conversation with Landon to the back of my mind and join, Laurie, her cousins, and Christi at the hotel spa, where we are pampered to within an inch of our lives. That night, we go over to Nana’s house to spend the night.
The next morning, Aunt Jacie and my mom come over with the stylist. The house is bustling with activity, but the room where Laurie and I are staying is like an oasis of calm. The stylist and the photographer work in silence, dressing Laurie and taking pictures. The other bridesmaids arrive and we get our makeup done and our hair adorned with colorful garlands.
Our ride back to the hotel is cheerful and boisterous in the two rented vintage Rolls Royces decorated with flowers, ribbons and ‘about to wed’ signs. At the beach, the decorators have managed to create a flowery oasis. Rose petals define the carpeted aisle, with bright plastic chairs on either side decorated with ribbons and bows. At the end of the aisle, Brett is standing with the minister and his best man under a white flowery arbor.
The parents and Nana are all seated in the front row, apart from Uncle Taylor, who’s leading Laurie to the altar. One of Berry’s little girls is in front of them, scattering more petals on the floor. I follow behind, walking slowly to the soft music from the band. Berry, Tamia, and Christi follow behind me, arm in arm with Dylan and Brett’s other groomsmen.
I know Landon is there before I see him. The flutter in my spine is my first warning, then I get the familiar feeling of his eyes on me. I turn to my right and he’s seated in one of the rows, dressed with the simplicity of the occasion in a long-sleeved white shirt and linen pants. He takes off his dark glasses as my eyes reach his face, and his eyes meet mine.
I almost stop walking when I see his tentative smile, but I recover myself quickly and keep on placing one foot in front of the other until I’m at the front. We take our seats while Uncle Taylor hands Laurie over to Brett and the ceremony begins.