His eyes meet mine, observing me. I feel all these emotions form a cloud of steam in front of me.
"Hey, you." My voice is relaxed and easy.
James blinks, and his face softens. "Hey, sweetheart."
My heart is about to pump out of my chest. In the stillness of our bathroom, with soft music playing in the background, we both feel that pull between us.
Leaning against the ledge of the bathtub, James hands me a glass, then walks over to the accent chair posted near a window and pulls it up to the tub. I get on my knees and rise just as he takes a seat. Suds trickle down my naked body, his heated gaze follows the lavender scented soap over the swell of my heavy breasts and down the slope of my belly.
I don't give him a chance to speak. I just pull his mouth to mine and plant a hard kiss to his lips. James clutches my waist with his free hand, then drops to his knees so we're eye level and kisses me back with just as much vigor. Once his hands are on me, they don't leave. Blindly, he places his glass down then takes mine to do the same. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and deepen the kiss. I'm soaking wet but it doesn't faze him. His arms are securely wrapped around the small of my back and my chest is pressed to his. He moans into my mouth and it makes me wet for him. Our tongues tie together in a slow, languid kiss, like we're both trying to prove something. James cups some water and drizzles it over the curve of my hip, then runs his hand down my thigh, ending with a firm grip. I love when he grabs me like a savage. It makes me feel small and weak for him at the same time, something that revs my engine.
I break the kiss and he groans. Chills dance down my arms at the sound of his desire. Our love is insurmountable.
"I don't want to fight with you," I say quickly. "I feel like there's this wall between us and I don't like it."
"Sweetheart, shhh," he says. James cups the side of my face and I lean into his palm. His blue eyes gaze into mine like he's baffled. "There's never going to be a wall between us, Aubrey."
My heart, god, what he does to me when he tries to show his commitment.
I nod. "Promise?"
"Yes." He hesitates for a split second, then says, "I respect your decision and won’t bring it up again."
A breath hitches in my throat. My ribs feel like they are being laced together and pushing the air from my lungs. How can I tell him I want him to without sounding needy?
Instead, I try a different route. "Can you just give me time to process it? It's not off the table." I throw in, my voice shaky. Shit, I'm so nervous. "I just wanted you to know that."
Cupping my cheeks, he tilts my face up to his so I'm only an inch or so away. James looks into my eyes. He’s all I see and all I want in this life. There's a hint of lavender surrounding him that fuses gently to the cognac on his lips. I find myself pressing closer to reach him.
"I will forever want every part of you," James says. "Never doubt that. I will forever love you more than anyone ever could. Never doubt that either. You were right about something, though. We don't need a piece of paper to prove what we have. We are only what matters."
"I don't know what I did to deserve a man like you."
"Not deserve but complement. When two people have an unconditional love like ours, to me that's a complement to each other.
I don't know whether to cry or smile or do both at the same time. I don't think James is convinced I’ve changed my mind, but it's clear he's doing what he is simply for me, and that just wrecks my stomach. That's a losing battle for both of us. I need to tell him again just to make sure he heard what I said, so he knows I do want to marry him.
Fuck. Here I am worried he'll never ask me to marry him when he asked me a handful of times already. I'm the definition of an ungrateful woman, one who held onto the past and ruined what was right in front of them.
"You heard what I said, right?" My brows angle in worry between my eyes. "Marriage isn't off the table."
His lips twitch, and he nods. "I'll think about it. Gotta make sure you really are wife material."
A matching smile tips my lips, I pull in a gasp and giggle. James steals a quick kiss, then says in all seriousness, "I love you, Aubrey."
"Not more than I love you," I say. "I want all my moments to be with you for the rest of my life."
Twenty
"It's been thirty-seven days, sixteen hours, and four minutes since the day you were here, and he still hasn't asked me to marry him again," I whine to Natalie over the phone. "He's never going to ask me. He's going to make me ask him, I just know it."
I almost laugh at myself over how ridiculous I sound.
"He's doing it on purpose," she says. "I thought he would've this morning before your shelter opened, but I guess not. I wish I could've been there with you today. Congrats, Ram Jam. That mouth of yours is still paying it forward."
Shaking my head, I smile into the phone. Today marked the opening of my second non-profit shelter, Retreat, a place for fathers with children. I decided to keep the men's and woman's shelters separate since more than half of the women had noted on their questionnaires that they felt more comfortable amongst other females. Respecting everyone's wishes has been a struggle since I want to help everyone, but we've managed pretty well so far. I had planned to open one final shelter, a place for runaway teens, but James had suggested we do one for families too. His desire to be involved melts my heart. I guess teamwork really does make the dream work.
"Well, he isn't getting any younger, you know."