Lula gave him a smack on the side of the head.
'I love when you do that,' Hog said.
'Do you have a car, or what?' Lula said. 'Because we can go down the street to Greasy Louey.'
"Course I got a car,' Hog said. 'Don't I always have a car? Have
I ever failed you?' He looked at Grandma and me. 'Which of you lovely ladies is buying this car?'
The,' I said.
'What color you want?'
'A two-hundred-dollar color.'
He turned and considered the motley collection of cars huddled together behind the razor wire. Two hundred dollars don't get you much of a car. Maybe you be better to rent a car from Hog.' He walked over to a silver Sentra. 'I just got this car. It needs some body work, but it's structurally sound.'
Needs some body work was a gross understatement. The hood was crumpled and attached to the car with duct tape. And the left rear quarter panel was missing.
The thing is,' I said to Hog, 'I need a car that blends in. People would notice this car. They'd remember that they saw a car with only three fenders.'
'Not in this neighborhood,' Hog said. 'We got lots of cars look like this.'
'Look at her,' Lula said. 'She look like she gonna spend a lot of time in this neighborhood?'
'How about this car?' Grandma called out from across the lot. 'I like this car.'
She was standing in front of a purple Lincoln Town Car that was about a block long. It had terminal rust creeping up from the undercarriage, but the hood was attached in the normal fashion, and it had all its fenders.
'You could put a whole pack of killers in this car,' Grandma said.
'I didn't hear that,' Hog said. 'Don't matter to me who you hang with.'
"We don't hang with them. We arrest them,' Grandma said. 'My granddaughter's a bounty hunter. This here's Stephanie Plum,' she said proudly. 'She's famous.'
'Oh crap,' Hog said, eyes bugged out. 'Are you shitting me? Get out of here. You think I want to die?' He craned his neck, looking beyond us, up and down the street. 'Not only would the brothers like to get hold of her, I hear they brought someone special in from the coast.' He scrambled behind a car, putting some distance between the two of us. 'Go away. Shoo.'
'Shoo? Lula said. 'Did I hear you say shoo?'
'Some Slayer ride by here I be a dead man,' Hog said. 'Get her off my lot.'
'We came here to buy a car, and that's what we're gonna do,'
Lula said.
Fine. Take a car,' Hog said. 'Take anything. Just go away.'
'We want this pretty purple car,' Grandma said.
Hog gave Grandma another of the bug-eyed looks. 'Lady, that's an expensive car. That's a Lincoln Town Car. That's no two-hundred-dollar car!'
We wouldn't want to cheat you,' Lula said. 'So we'll just wander around awhile and see if we like something less expensive.'
'No. Don't do that,' Hog said. Take the friggin' Lincoln. I got the keys in the house. I'll just be a minute.'
'Don't forget the plates and the registration,' Lula said.
Five minutes later, I had a temporary plate taped to my rearview window, Grandma was strapped into the passenger seat, and