Valerie got two, and Sally got two. And I got a dozen. I said they were for the office, but if my day didn't improve there was a good chance I'd eat every last one of them.
Renee Platt was behind the counter. 'Wow, it's really brave of you to take on the Slayers,' she said to me. 'I sure wouldn't want to mess with any of those guys.'
'Who are the Slayers?' my mother wanted to know.
'Nobody special,' I told my mother. 'And I didn't take them on.'
'I heard you went into their territory with a tank and ran over a bunch of them,' Renee said. 'Including the head guy. And I heard you're the only one who can identify the Red Devil. And that you've sworn a blood oath to get him.'
'Omigod,' I said. 'Who did you hear that from?'
'Everybody knows,' Renee said. Its all over town.'
My mother crossed herself and ate her two doughnuts on the spot.
'It's the Hungarian side of the family.' Grandma said. We're tough.
We come from a long line of army deserters and nasty alcoholics.'
'Probably we should be going home now,' I said. My mother looked like the two doughnuts didn't do it. My mother had her lips pressed so tight together her face was turning blue. I was a trial to my mother.
We all trooped out to the bus and took our seats. 'Let me know if you need help rounding up those Slayers,' Grandma said to me.
'I don't know what they are, but I bet I could kick some Slayer butt.'
They're a gang,' Sally said. 'A really bad gang. I have to go through their territory to pick up a couple kids on my bus route, and it's like going through a war zone. They have sentries on the corners and soldiers patrolling the streets. And I don't know what it is, but these guys never smile. They just stand there, staring, like the living dead.'
'What do gangs do?' Grandma wanted to know.
They act tough,' Sally said. 'And these days they control a lot of the drug traffic. And they kill each other.'
'I don't know what this world's coming to,' Grandma said. 'Used to be the mob did that. What's left for the mob to do? No wonder
Lou Raguzzi looks so bad. I saw him the other day at Stiva's and his shoes were all run down at the heel. He probably can't afford to buy shoes.'
'Lou's doing fine,' my mother said. 'He's being audited by the
IRS. He got those shoes special so he wouldn't look too successful.'
Everyone crossed themselves at the mention of the IRS. Street gangs and the mob paled in comparison to fear of the tax code.
'I'm going to have to take off,' Sally said, stopping in front of my parents' house. 'I have to get across town to start picking the little dudes up.'
Thanks for the ride,' Grandma said, making her way down the bus steps. 'Maybe I'll see you tonight. There's a good viewing at
Stiva's. Charley Whitehead's laid out, and the Knights of Columbus should be there tonight. They always put on a good show. They're the best of the lodges.'
I took Valerie's diaper bag, and my mother took Valerie's purse, and we all followed Grandma off the bus and up to the house.
'I have to go, too,' I said, depositing the diaper bag in the hallway.
'It was nice of you to help your sister find a place,' my mother said to me.
I hiked my own bag onto my shoulder. Thanks, but it was self-serving.'
It would have been self-serving to order her out of your apartment. Finding her a house was a nice thing to do.'
I took my bag of doughnuts, called goodbye to everyone, and let myself out. I climbed into Ranger's truck, and I sat there for a moment, trying to calm myself. I was going to be in big trouble if the rumors got back to the Slayers. The Slayers wouldn't like being run over and hunted down by a pasty-faced white woman. It wasn't the sor