“That would be Lula. And she didn't fall on him. She tackled him.”
“She did a good job,” Ranger said. “I'm sorry I missed it. Salvatora's partner will take you to the airport.”
“How will I know him?”
“He looks like Salvatora . . . but more.”
Five minutes later we were walking through the hotel to the elevators and we were being very vigilant. We didn't know what the killer looked like. It didn't seem likely that he would strike in a public place, but there was no guarantee.
We took the elevator to the eighteenth floor, walked halfway down the hall, and Connie unlocked our room door. She stepped in and muffled a scream. Lula and I were directly behind her and we had the same reaction.
The dog had destroyed the room. Pillows were chewed. The blanket was shredded. A corner of the mattress was missing. Toilet paper was everywhere.
Connie closed and locked the door behind us. “Don't anybody panic. Its probably not as bad as it looks. Cheap mattress, cheap blanket, right? How much could a pillow cost?”
“Uh-?oh,” Lula said. “I think he pissed on the cable wire and shorted the television. This here's like traveling with a metal band,” Lula said.
Boo was on the bed, tail wagging.
“But look at him,” I said. “He's so cute. And he looks sorry. Don't you think he looks sorry?”
“I think he looks happy,” Lula said. “I think he's smiling. I'm glad we saved this little guy. That bag of monkey doody Mrs. Apusenja deserves him.”
“We weren't gone that long,” Connie said. “How could such a little dog do all this damage?”
“Guess he was feeling anxiety,” Lula said. “Poor things been through a lot, what with getting dognapped and everything. And look at him, he's just a puppy. He might even be teething. At least he didn't eat the flowers. It's nice to come back to fresh flowers in the room.”
“They were sent by a serial killer! They're death flowers” I said.
“Well, yeah, but they're still nice,” Lula said.
I looked at my watch. I had to pack. “Not a lot of time to take care of this mess,” I said.
“Here's the plan,” Connie said. “We check out and it all goes on Vinnie's bill.”
“See that,” Lula said. “This dog's nothing but good luck. We get to stick it to Vinnie all because this dog was smart enough to eat the room. I think this here's been a positive experience. That's my new philosophy anyway. Nothing but positive experienc
es. That's why I'm driving home from here.”
“You've got to be kidding,” Connie said. “It'll take you days.”
“Don't matter. I'm not getting back on a plane. I'm done with planes. They aren't any fun. All that searching and starving and standing around in lines. I don't do lines. That's another part of my new philosophy. No lines. And I can take Boo with me if I drive. Me and Boo can have a road trip. I'm starting to get real excited about this. I always wanted to have a dog when I was a kid, but I never had the chance. I was dog deprived.”
“Works for me,” Connie said. “If you take Boo we don't have the hassle of crating him and getting him on the plane.”
I called valet parking and had the car brought around. I gave Lula the pepper spray and the stun gun and two hundred dollars. Connie contributed another hundred and fifty. It was all the money we had between us. We loaded Lula, Boo, and Lula's luggage into the car and waved good-?bye.
“I'm not sure if she's the smart one or the dumb one,” Connie said.
There were only two of us now and we each had a loaded gun in our pockets. We stopped at the snack bar, got a bag of food, and returned to the room to finish packing.
My packing was simple. Take all the little complimentary soaps and shampoos from the bathroom and put them in my carry-?on bag. Connie s packing was more complicated.
“Oh shit,” Connie said, “look at this.”
She was holding up the wedding photo. It had a few dog tooth marks in the lower left corner.
“Do you suppose you actually got married?” I asked her.