“Then you should have left her there! I wanted my daughter home, but not like this. This is awful! This isn’t who we are!” I could hear my father’s footsteps walking towards the living room as he spoke. “I’m sorry, Johanna. We’ll get this figured out in a moment.”
“It seems like this is already figured out.” The voice was one I had heard every Sunday since I was a little girl, and a lot more frequently once I started dating Scott.
“Dad...” Scott walked towards his father’s voice. “I had to do this. There was no other way.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, son.” Scott’s father walked into the living room and he looked down at me. “We couldn’t have a lost soul out there without doing whatever was necessary to bring her home.”
Chapter 10: Cody
I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. I’m going home.
The words took my breath away. I rode against the wind as fast as my motorcycle would go and blew through every stop sign until I got to Johanna’s apartment. I beat on her door and when there was no answer, I kicked it clean off the hinges. Everything was exactly the way I remembered, except Johanna was gone. The police came shortly after that and I was taken to jail. They didn’t care what I had to say. As far as they could tell, I had broken into her apartment. The jail cell might as well have been my tomb, because my reason for living was gone. I had a lot of time to reflect on my relationship with Johanna, my feelings for her, and the pain of having her yanked away from me, while I was staring at the gray walls of my cell.
“OKAY, MR. SMITH. YOU’RE free to go.” The guard walked up to my cell and slid it open.
“Did they find her? Did they find Johanna?” I ran to the door.
“I guess so. All I know is that they confirmed she isn’t pressing any charges for this. You’ll have to pay for the door, though.” He shrugged and led me towards the exit.
My phone was dead and when I got to my apartment, I immediately plugged it in. There was a longer text message from Johanna, explaining that our time together was a mistake, and she had to return to the life she knew. None of it made any sense. We were so happy before her father showed up. She seemed so independent and determined to overcome that setback once she had time to process it. I understood that she cared for her family, but they weren’t returning any of her calls. I sat down on the edge of my bed and lit a cigarette, watching as the smoke rushed from my lips.
“The fucking proposal.” I stood up and kicked the nightstand next to my bed. “You stupid fucking asshole!”
I grabbed the lamp on my nightstand and hurled it across the room. It smashed into the mirror and exploded. Shards of glass and ceramic covered the floor. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. I didn’t bother pouring it into a glass, I just drank it in gulps. The proposal was a horrible mistake. I tried to strip away her independence and lock her down the same way her asshole boyfriend
in Georgia had done. It was the heat of the moment and it was going to haunt me forever. I drowned my thoughts and stared into the darkness until the sun started illuminating my apartment again.
It’ll be time to go to work soon.
I felt sick as I started getting dressed. I threw up a few times before I finally got myself together. I was still drunk, but I didn’t care. I needed something to take my mind off Johanna and a long day of work would do that. I was also fairly certain my absence had left my parents in a huge bind. I had already destroyed my relationship with Johanna. I didn’t need to destroy anything else in my life. I stared at my phone through a haze before I finally stuffed it in my pocket. I had left Johanna several messages and called her at least two dozen times. She never answered and she didn’t call me back. Whatever I believed we had was clearly nothing more than a fling from the reality of her real life—the life she went back to.
“CODY, THANK GOD.” My mother ran up and hugged me the second I parked my motorcycle. “We tried to bail you out, but the judge wouldn’t even consider it until they knew that girl was safe.”
“Safe...” I shook my head angrily. “Right.”
“Three days in the slammer for pussy.” I heard my father chuckle as he walked out of his garage. “I guess you really are my son.”
“She was more than just pussy, Dad.” I took a step and staggered.
“You smell like you just stepped out of a bar.” My father’s nose wrinkled when he got closer. “You’re not working today. Come inside and lie down on the couch in my office.”
“No, I have to work to do.” My words were so slurred that even I could tell they didn’t sound right.
“Not today, honey.” My mother took my arm and led me towards the garage. “You need to sleep this off.”
I was lucky I didn’t end up in a morgue with my motorcycle wrapped around a telephone pole before I made it to work. I could barely stand. I collapsed on the couch and felt the darkness wrapping around my brain. It wasn’t sleep, I was just passing out from drinking so much whiskey. I fought it because I wanted to embrace the pain that had stabbed my heart to pieces, but there was no way to do it. I typed out a message to Johanna and finally drifted into the blackness of a dreamless sleep. She hadn’t returned my calls, but I thought she might respond to a text message. If nothing else, I just wanted to know she was okay.
“CODY.” I HEARD MY mother’s voice and felt her shaking me. “We’re going to close up for the night. Do you want to come home with us?”
“What? No, I’ll head back to my apartment.” I sat up and felt agony as my skull throbbed with a hangover. “Okay, maybe not.”
“Come on.” My mother helped me stand and I put my hand to my head as I followed her towards her car.
I ate dinner with them and then I was ready for bed again. I wanted a drink more than I wanted sleep, but I didn’t think my body could handle it. I had definitely danced on the threshold of alcohol poisoning. I lay alone in the darkness, feeling nothing but anger and despair. I was almost at the point of actual sleep when I saw my phone light up. My senses instantly returned and I sat up on the edge of the bed. I stared at the screen and my eyes got wide. Johanna had messaged me. It was a long one.
Cody, you have to stop calling. You have to stop messaging me. We had fun and I’ll never forget you, but it’s over. You have to understand that I was just a girl running from my problems. It was never going to be my life. I did a lot of soul searching and I realized that my heart ultimately belongs to my lord and savior, Jesus Christ. I strayed from him. You were nothing more than a sin, and I’m back where I belong. By the time you read this, I will have blocked your number. Please don’t ever try to contact me again.
It wasn’t just goodbye. It was a soul crushing goodbye. Her first message had been short and to the point. Her latest message elaborated in a way that almost made me wish I had never read it. I quickly typed out a response. It was just the word wait. I hoped it would stop her from blocking me, but a second later I got a message that her number was no longer accepting messages from me. Anger manifested itself and I definitely wanted to smash something, but I managed to control my emotions. I was still trying to control that anger when morning came and it was time to go back to work.