We spent a night together, long ago, and that was it. It was over. We haven’t spoken since, so why would Jasper approach me on Christmas? Out of all of the nights on the year, why this day? Why now?
He couldn’t have picked a worse fucking night.
“What do you want, Jasper?” My words sound harsher than I intend for them to. I’m tired. I’m so, so tired. I’m not just tired today: I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of the way things have been going.
I’m tired of feeling alone.
There was a point, a long time ago, when I thought I’d found a Dom who would be everything to me. I thought I’d found a Dom who would protect me, care for me. Love me. I thought the two of us had something special going on, but as it turns out, one of us was more serious than other. We had a break-up that wasn’t terrible, but that hurt me deeply, and I’ve been too much of a coward to try again.
I haven’t tried in a very long time, and I don’t really want to try tonight.
Not with Jasper.
He’s a player, and I know what guys like him want.
He wants to dominate me, to play with me. He wants to tie me up and hold me down. He wants to toy with my body and then with my heart. He might want to show me everything he has to offer, but that’s not what I want tonight. That’s not the kind of Dom I need.
I’m not asking for a service Dom. I’m not asking for someone who just wants to make me come over and over. I’m not asking for someone who wants to worship my body. I don’t need a husband and I don’t need someone to treat me like a delicate flower.
But I am asking for someone to adore me, and that’s not Jasper.
It never will be.
Jasper doesn’t bite my head off at my harsh words. I’m being rude, but he doesn’t even glare at me. Hell, his eyebrows don’t even lift. He just looks at me curiously, and then he lifts my chin with his finger.
“Are you okay, Odessa?”
“I’m fine.”
A lie.
It’s a bold one, too. A submissive should never lie. A Dom shouldn’t lie, either. No one should. Not here. Not at Anchored. There’s a time and a place for lying, but it’s not at a sex club where communication is everything. You should never play with someone you can’t trust to tell the truth. Hard limits are everything when it comes to safety and having fun at Anchored. The number one rule of BDSM is that you don’t lie.
You never lie.
Yet here I am.
Lying.
Jasper knows I’m not telling him the truth, but he doesn’t call me out. Instead, he just sits with me for a long time. The music is loud and the lights are low. The sounds and scents of sex and adventure are all around us, but somehow, right now, Jasper and I seem to be locked in our own little world.
I don’t know if it’s a good thing.
“You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know,” he finally says, and that catches my attention. I shoot daggers at him with
my eyes when I look up at him. He thinks he suddenly knows me, does he?
“Excuse me?”
I think it’s the first real thing he’s ever said to me.
Jasper and I go back. We have a weird, rocky history based around one wonderful night we spent together followed by nothing. He hurt me and I don’t respect him anymore. How could I care about a man who couldn’t even text me to see if I was feeling okay? We had an intense scene and then he just ghosted. Who does that?
“I’ve known you for a long time, Odessa. You’re the brave one. You’re always the strong one. No matter who walks through those doors, you’re always ready to help. You lend a hand to anyone who needs it. You’ll give anything if it means you can help another person, and I love that about you, but you do not have to be strong all of the time, Odessa. Sometimes it’s okay to ask for help, too.”
I should say something snarky.
I should be a brat.