“Casey, were you that honest with Trey when he brought this up?”
She hesitates, and I know what her answer is going to be before she even says it.
“No.” She whispers the word, like she can’t bear to say it out loud. “I didn’t.”
“Why not? He was honest with you when he said he wanted to try something new. Don’t you think that must have been difficult, even embarrassing, for him to do?”
“Well, I guess I didn’t think of that.”
“What was your reaction when he brought this up to you?”
“I sort of freaked out,” she admits, blushing.
“Why? What’s wrong with BDSM, Casey?” I lean back in my seat, trying to look as non-threatening as possible. No, I’m not a therapist, but Casey doesn’t need a therapist right now. She needs a friend who is going to tell her to cut out the crap. She needs someone to push her to woman up and talk with Trey about this. She can’t hide behind her fear. Not when it comes to marriage. Not when it comes to having a long-term relationship.
“I just don’t like the idea of it. It’s…abusive, right? Hitting people?”
“Is that what you think BDSM is?”
She nods, and I sigh.
“BDSM gets a bad rap,” I explain. “People hear all the controversy surrounding certain books or comments people make, and they jump to conclusions about what it means. Yes, some people like to hit each other, but it’s not abusive. Pain, when administered appropriately, can lead to greater pleasure. Some people like a little bite of pain with sex, and some people just like pain in general. That’s fine. That’s not all there is to BDSM, though.”
“What else is there?” Casey looks surprised. “I looked some stuff up on the Internet,” she shivers. “It freaked me out, Jax.”
“BDSM can be whatever you want it to be, Casey. Yeah, some people are into hardcore stuff, but you and Trey can make it whatever you want. The most important element is open communication. With BDSM, you don’t get to hide your feelings or your thoughts from your partner. You have to talk to them, especially if you do decide to do something a little more hardcore. Did he tell you what he wants to try? Specifically?”
“He talked about wanting to Dominate me, and maybe spanking. Um, he mentioned he wants to go to a club or a party sometime, like maybe…” She blushes. “Like maybe swinging, or having sex in front of other people.”
“Okay, so it sounds like Trey is more interested in light BDSM. He’s like me. I love kink, Casey, but whipping isn’t really my thing. Blood play, piercing, water sports: none of those turn me on.”
Casey nods, but she’s still fidgeting. There’s so much she needs to know, so much she doesn’t know, but she’s come to me with a problem, and I’m going to do everything in my power to help her.
“Look,” I tell her. “The fact that Trey came to you is incredible. It means he trusts you to open up to you about this.”
“Yeah, but I blew it. I totally freaked out. Even if I talk to him now, I’m sure it’s too late. He won’t want to try.”
“It’s never too late. You reacted poorly, it sounds like, but if this is really something he’s interested in, something tells me Trey will be more patient with you than you think.”
“You really believe that?” She raises an eyebrow.
“I know it.”
“How do you know it?”
“Because I’m a Dom, too, and I’m going to help you.”
“So the rumors are true,” she says.
“You’ll have to fill me in on some of these rumors, but later. First things first: you need to apologize to your husband. Text him now.”
“Now? But he’s at work.”
“Text him. Tell him you’ve been doing some thinking about what he said and you want to talk tonight, just the two of you.”
“But what about the baby?”
“Put the baby to bed in her own room, Casey. I know you’re into co-sleeping, but you guys are parents now, and this is your life. You’re going to have to find ways to be alone in order to make your marriage work. Your child is important, but so is Trey. I’m not telling you not to co-sleep. I’m telling you not to do it tonight. Take some time, even just an hour, and spend it with him.”