Maybe it’s time for me to not care so much about the things I can’t control and to start focusing on what I can control.
Is it time for me to start focusing on myself?
It sounds selfish, but is it, really?
I wasn’t sure about coming out tonight, but I’m so glad I did. Spending time with Christina and Zack was nice. Spending time with Master Thorn was exquisite, though. Memorable. Perfect.
“How do you, you know, come to terms with it?”
“With kink?”
“Yeah, I mean, I didn’t grow up in a really religious household, but my family was – is – conservative. How did you wrap your head around the fact that kink was okay? That it was enjoyable?”
He chuckles again. Our drinks appear in front of us and I thank June, then wait for Master Thorn to respond to me.
“I suppose after college, things changed for me. My girlfriend and I broke up and I started seeing new people. Polly and I had been dating since high school, so we’d both only been with each other. The girls I dated after were older, more experienced. Some of them wanted things I didn’t know how to give.”
“They wanted to be spanked,” I say knowingly, like I’m the smartest woman in the world.
“Spanked, tied up, teased. One girl in particular was really into being dominated. I didn’t know how to give her that, so she introduced me to some people and took me to some parties. That’s where I started learning how to dominate.” He looks thoughtful for a second. “That’s where I learned I am a Dominant, and I like to be with submissive partners.”
“You weren’t scared to go to the parties?”
“A little nervous, at first, but then I started to feel like it was my element. I started to feel like it was where I belonged.”
“What happened next?”
“Those relationships all ended, but I still craved dominance. The people I work with don’t know about this side of me.”
“What kind of people do you work with?”
“The conservative kind. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with being conservative. There’s not. It takes all kinds, but I think it’s important to keep an open mind when it comes to how you live your life. You shouldn’t shun something you don’t understand just because it seems inappropriate or strange to you.”
“I guess I’m lucky to have some pretty understanding coworkers.” I think of Christina, and of her Dom, and of how incredible it really is that they invited me here.
“This is your first time experimenting with kink,” Master Thorn says. “It’s normal to be a little nervous about everything, to feel a little unnerved.”
I take a deep breath. “I feel better after talking,” I admit. “Thank you for taking the time to do that. You didn’t have to, but it means a lot to me.”
Thorn smiles, and I know that I’m in trouble.
He kisses me softly on the cheek, and he rubs my thigh, and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to go back to ordinary, normal, plain, boring vanilla relationships again.
Chapter 6
Thorn
Staring at pages of writing all day hurts my eyes.
Normally, it doesn’t.
Normally, I’m happy to be the editor at Brand First: a full-service marketing and web design firm.
Normally, I crave work.
Today, all I’m craving is Lily.
It’s been three days since I saw her.