She looks at me for a second. Her eyes are still hazy with arousal and I think, for a second, that she might say she loves me. I want to say that to her, all of a sudden, which is crazy. It’s Emilia Riley, and love isn’t in my vocabulary.
Watching her come apart, though, was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and for the very first time, perhaps, I feel like maybe, just maybe, I could have a chance at the life I’ve lost.
When I was a kid, I always figured we’d end up together. She was always the person I adored more than anyone else in the world. My dad dying kind of made me realize just how short life was, though, and I felt like I wasn’t good enough. It seemed like I’d never be able to have a good life after that, but now?
Now I just want to know what she’s thinking.
Is she thinking about me?
Is she wondering why we waited so long to do this?
Does she want more?
But when I look at Emilia, I realize she doesn’t look happy. In fact, there are tears filling her eyes, and one slips over the edge of her eyelids and moves rapidly down her cheek.
“Emilia?” I whisper.
“You win,” she whispers.
What the hell?
What does she mean?
“Emilia, what are you talking about?”
“You win, okay?” She turns and glares at me, as though I didn’t just have my fingers inside of her pussy. She’s looking at me like I’ve betrayed her somehow, only I’m not sure what I’ve done to get that look.
“What are you saying?” I ask.
“I’m done, Gavin. This never should have happened, and I’m done. Now take me home.”
She turns and looks out the window. I’m hit with a feeling of shock and horror as I realize that she is, in fact, completely done with me. Either I’ve lost my touch, or this wasn’t the incredible experience I thought it was.
“Yeah, of course,” I whisper, and I start the engine. I turn on the lights and then, horribly slowly, the windshield wipers begin to clear the rain from the front window. I take a deep breath to try to calm myself down, because all of a sudden I feel a little bit dizzy and a little bit lost.
Pulling out of the cemetery, I make my way back to the main road and head back toward school. The entire ride, Emilia just stares out of the window silently. She doesn’t say a word. She’s quiet. Even her breathing seems to be completely silent and with Emilia, that’s a first. Usually, her asthma makes her breathing a little bit rough and loud, but not this time.
For the very first time, she has nothing to say to me at all, and the feeling hits me in the gut.
It’s like she’s punched me and I don’t know what to do.
What do I do?
Chapter 8
Emilia
I DON’T SAY A SINGLE word on the drive back to my dorm.
I can’t.
I mean, it’s super rude of me. I probably should find something to say to him. After all, Gavin did just have his fingers nestled inside of my pussy. I’d say we’re far past being polite acquaintances at this point, but I still can’t find the words to say anything to him at all.
So instead, I stare out the window and watch the world pass us by. The lights blur past the car. They couple with the raindrops sliding down the window and the world becomes a hazy criss-cross of light and sadness.
And fuck, if I don’t feel tears pouring down my own cheeks.
I can’t believe I just did that.