Teri appeared behind her mate. “No,” she said, “Zach and I will go for a walk. You two stay here. Take as long as you need, we’ll go on a hiking trail. But,” and she gave Nina a significant look, “I’ll have my phone on me, if you need anything. Anything at all.”
Joel prudently stepped aside to let them leave, not missing the steely look Teri shot him as she went by. It looked like he might have some apologizing to do to his brother and sister-in-law, not just to Nina.
That was for later, though. For now, all of his attention was on her.
They went inside, and ended up standing hesitantly on opposite sides of the living room. Joel was wary of getting too close, in case the desire to hold Nina in his arms overwhelmed any attempts at communicating.
But we can talk while touching, his leopard insisted, wanting nothing more than to nuzzle up to Nina and never leave.
Joel overruled that, though not without a sharp pang of longing. Later, he told his leopard. Maybe.
Even that maybe felt dangerous. Like he was about to let go of a cliff face, a piece of rock he’d been clutching with all his might, and go hurtling out into free-fall, to land God knew where.
“So?” Nina said, when the silence had stretched out. “What did you want to say?”
“I’m sorry,” came out of Joel’s mouth, without decision or permission, just a raw feeling given voice. “For leaving this morning,” he clarified. “For not asking you what you wanted before I decided what was best. I was wrong.”
“You were afraid.” Nina always seemed to look right through him, somehow, and this time was no different. “Right? You looked terrified.”
Joel clenched his fists and nodded. “It’s just—the mate-bond could cause so much trouble. I’ve seen it. I don’t want anything to happen to you...like happened to my mother. I couldn’t live with that.” Like his father hadn’t been able to live with it.
Nina took a slow breath. She looked like she was thinking deeply. Joel waited to hear what she had to say.
“Alethia told me I was living in the past,” she said finally. “Letting stuff that had happened long ago control what I did now. That’s why I was so scared this morning, when your friends came to the cabin. Even though there was nothing to be afraid of.”
Joel hadn’t expected her to hit the nail on the head like that. In retrospect, he wasn’t sure why not. “Yeah. That’s like what Cal said to me just now. That I was making trouble for myself.”
Nina smiled, just a hint of a raised corner of her mouth. “We’re a pair, aren’t we?”
Relief was flooding through him. “Always ready for another catastrophe. That’s us.”
Nina took a step forward, and Joel matched her, until they were standing almost in touching distance. “You know, Zach and Teri made me lunch today,” Nina said.
It sounded like a non sequitur, but Joel trusted Nina to be going somewhere with it. “They did?”
Nina nodded. “And I kept thinking—it’s almost too much, being here. After living the life I’ve lived? Being in this house, eating grilled cheese and soup, watching the two of them...it doesn’t feel real. It feels like I’m watching myself on TV.”
Joel had to close eyes at the rush of pure recognition he felt, hearing that. He nodded.
When he opened them, Nina had taken another step forward. She was so close now, he could reach out and pull her in...
“But,” she continued, and Joel’s focus snapped back to what she was saying, “when I was in the cabin, with you, that felt just right. Someplace I could live. And maybe then I could come here, and eat lunch, and it would be crazy-perfect in kind of a weird way...and then go home, back to where it feels right.”
Joel understood.
He understood what Nina felt, because he felt the same way.
And he understood what she was trying to say.
“The mate-bond recognized that we were the same,” he said slowly. “That’s what you mean. It brought us together because we fit together.”
“Yes.” Nina’s eyes welled up with tears, and she blinked furiously. Joel forced himself to stay where he was, let her finish. “Every moment with you has been so right, Joel! I don’t feel compelled. And I’m not afraid.”
Fear. Fear was that cliff-face he’d been holding onto with both hands. Fear was keeping him from letting go, and falling into—life with Nina.
That was the great unknown, the thing he was afraid of? Life with Nina? Vulnerability to Nina? The close, crazy intimacy of the mate-bond with Nina?
Nina, who understood him better than anyone he knew. Who ran with him through the mountains, who melted in his arms, who looked at his cabin and saw a home. Who would never hurt him, and who stood up and told him what she felt, instead of letting his fears hurt her.