“So, you’re saying you want to have a family right away.”
Bronagh’s eyes were shimmering when she said, “What I’m saying is that I do want to have kids, and although I like you, and enjoy what we have together, I can’t afford to waste my time right now. We’re simply at different stages in our lives.”
I sprang to my feet, anger, hurt, and humiliation warring within me.
“A waste of time … Is that what you think this is?” I asked, hurt winning out and making me feel things I never wanted to feel.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Brendan,” she began, rising to her feet as well.
“Bronagh,” I pleaded, trying to remain calm and not lose my shit. “We’ve only been seeing each other a few weeks. No couple would be hinging their relationship on kids at this point, there are too many factors. I mean, what if I couldn’t have them, or we stayed together … tried, and it didn’t work out? Give it time. Give us time.”
She closed her eyes, shaking her head slowly and causing my gut to twist painfully.
“But we’ve already had the conversation. We can’t take it back. I know now that you’re never going to want kids. I can’t go back and erase that knowledge. Is there even the slightest possibility that you’ll change your mind?”
I could tell by the sadness in her eyes that she knew my answer before I gave it, but still I responded, “No, Freckles, I don’t see myself changing my mind.”
Bronagh held up her hand ask if she was going to touch me, like she needed the contact, then thought better of it and dropped her hand limply at her side.
“I guess that’s it then … I’m sorry, Bren.”
“Wait,” I said, holding up my hands and hoping she didn’t notice the crack in my voice. “Let me just say one more thing. I know it’s been a short period of time, but I’m falling for you, Bronagh … I’ve never felt about someone the way I do with you, and I hope you’ll think about that, before you make any rash decisions. I’ll go. I’ll give you space, but you know where to find me if you change your mind.”
When she didn’t respond, just watched me with that heartbreaking expression on her face, I turned to leave.
“See you in class,” I managed, then got out of there as fast as I could, before I did something embarrassing like cry in front of her.
Fuck! I thought as my heart seemed to explode in my chest. I paced back and forth on the sidewalk as I tried to come to terms with what just happened.
This was why I never got into a serious relationship.
This was why I fucked girls, enjoyed the pleasure, and left feelings out of the equation.
This was why I should have run the other direction when I saw Bronagh at the club that night.
I’d finally fallen in love, and the woman I wanted to give my heart to, didn’t want it. I‘d obviously totally misread the situation, if she could bail so quickly. I’d brought her to meet my family and all the people who meant anything to me, and given her more of myself than I’d ever given anyone. And I wasn’t enough.
I needed a drink and my guitar, then I would focus on finishing up school at the top of my class. Maybe getting the job with Chef Agard and moving to France wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Even if I got the job, I wouldn’t leave right away, and if in that time Bronagh didn’t change her mind, leaving for a different country would be better than living here with the memories of us at every turn.
Chapter Eighteen ~ Bronagh
“Tell me I did the right thing?”
I was still in my pajamas, even though it was four in the afternoon, and wasn’t even embarrassed that my friends had found me curled up on the couch, empty bags of Doritos and Peanut M & M’s littering the ground around me.
“Well, it sounds like you’re doing what you think you have to, but Nonie, the waste of time thing was pretty harsh.” Ming’s soft hand on my brow eased the harshness of her words.
“I know,” I whined, slightly embarrassed that I was reduced to whining. “I didn’t mean it that way … I was just speaking without thinking, and that’s what came out. “I peeked out from under my curtain of hair and cried, “You should have seen the look on his face. It was awful.”
“He’s a big boy, I’m sure he’ll get over it,” Ming said, wiping orange crumbs off of the cushion before sitting next to me.
“I don’t know, Ming, he looked heartbroken. I’m the first person he ever opened up to, and I totally shut him down.”
“Are you sure this is what you want to do, honey?” Cass asked from her perch on my chair. “If you’re both so broken up over this, maybe you were too rash?”
I shook my head, even as my heart lurched at her words.
“He doesn’t want kids … ever. You know how badly I want ‘em,” I hiccupped, sitting up and pushing my blankets around me, cocooning myself in.