“No, see, I’m going to stop you right there.” He lifted one of his stubby arms, scowling at me. “I won’t be getting out of this fucking place. Never. So don’t sit in here and spew that false hope and bullshit. Plus, even if I did, what bitch would want me now? No fucking arms. Not a damn thing to give. I’m grateful they haven’t chopped my fucking cock off yet.”
My heart pounds as he stares me right in the eyes. “This isn’t a fucking vacation. There is no fucking hope here, don’t you get that? You can pretend something good will happen, but I’ve seen fuckers with the same mindset as you come in and out of this place and never return. I’ve seen some come back and end up fucking dying right in front of me. I’ve seen it all, so don’t feed me some shit that you don’t even fucking believe. We aren’t getting out of here intact. The sooner you accept that, the better off you’ll be.”
His jaw flexes as he presses his back to the wall.
The cell is quiet for a long time. So long that I feel panic settle deep in my bloodstream. I stand up and pace the cell, focusing on the window.
Ronaldo sighs heavily. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Thinking.”
“About what?”
“How to get the hell out of this place.”
“Did you not listen to a word I just said? You’re not getting out of here unless they want you to! So just sit the fuck down and shut up. Accept it and move on.”
“No,” I hiss. “I won’t accept this! I will not die in this place. I don’t care if I have to fight my way out. I will get out of here. I swear it on my dead husband’s soul I will.”
Ronaldo grunts, snatching his gaze away. He sports an amused grin on his face, his head moving from left to right.
“Did I say something funny?” I snap.
“Not at all. I’m just glad to know you’ve accepted something.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m glad you’ve accepted the fact that these fuckers took your husband away…and that you’ll never get him back, even if you do get out of this shitty place.”
I don’t know why, but his words hit me hard. Way too hard. Why did I admit that out loud? I’ve had dreams that Toni is alive. Some feel so real that it seems all I need to do is escape this place and make my way back to him.
Has it really come to this? Exactly what in the hell am I fighting for? I have no family. My father was brutally murdered and my mother got brain cancer that may as well have eaten her alive.
I have no one.
I have nothing.
There’s Toni’s family—his mom and Charlie, but what use would I be to them? Returning without him?
“Wow,” I breathe as I slump down in a corner. I wrap my arms around my knees. “I…I really have nothing to go back to. No one. Is that the reality I face?”
“Your reality is here and you should focus on that for now. You can think about escaping, but you have to be smart if you want to survive. You may lose a few limbs in the process, but at least you’d still be breathing.”
“Fuck that,” I spit. “I’m not losing anything.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart. You’ve already lost something.”
I pick my head up to look at him, my curiosity outweighing my anger. “What?”
“Your innocence. Your peace of mind. You would kill just to get out of here, right?”
“Yes, I would.” And I am so serious. I will do anything to get out.
“Any person in their right mind wouldn’t go as deep as killing, no matter how tough shit gets.”
“But those pricks deserve it. Especially the one with the axe tattoo.”
“You won’t be able to kill him,” he confides, “but you can hurt him.”
I drop my arms. “What are you saying?”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he carries a pocket knife in his back pocket. Hardly ever uses it.”
“So? They all have weapons.”
“Yes, to show authority. He’ll notice a gun missing right away, but a pocketknife…I don’t think so. Not right away at least. That’s why when you get it—and you will—you have to think fast. No hesitation.”
“But I thought you said there was no way out of here.”
“Oh there’s not, but their boss comes home in two days.”
“And…?”
“Let’s just say causing a scene is the only hope you have.”
I look towards the cell door, licking my lips. “Tell me about the boss,” I murmur.
“He’s ruthless, that’s for damn sure. Shows no compassion whatsoever. He’s violent as fuck, but there is one thing about him that is his downfall…”
“What?”
“Any man’s downfall…”
I frown.
“Pussy,” he hisses, rolling his eyes. “You have one. Be smart and fucking use it.”