a time when the good memories will take over all the bad ones. It's hard being the survivor."
"Damn straight," I said, smiling at her. Coming here had been a good thing. I was sad I'd waited so long. "So, you and your EMT looked pretty serious." I sat back on the swing.
Even in the dark I could see her face coloring. "I've never felt this way. I thought what Zach and I had was a relationship, but being with Bentley has shown me how wrong I was. I think you can understand the difference."
I nodded. Despite recent developments and secrets coming out, Dan and I had loved each other. I still was unsure how Brian worked into the whole scheme of things, but I knew my feelings for Dan weren't an illusion. I also knew his feelings for me had been the same. His brother may have given us the initial push, but I was confident we would have found our way there even without his push. I was hurt that Dan had betrayed my trust with Cindy, but I couldn't hate him for it.
"I'm glad," I finally said. "Zach seems good with it."
"He is. Poor Zach has his own demons to get through, but he would never begrudge me happiness. I'm sad he and Tracey never got a chance to show the world their feelings for each other. I made a lot of mistakes senior year; holding on to Zach was selfish."
"Tracey must have been hurting something fierce about betraying you. She loved you like a sister," I mused.
"She was. I didn't make it easier that night. I've wished for a do-over a hundred times. I'd tell her it was okay. She died knowing she hurt me. If I had a do-over, I'd make sure she knew I loved her and could never be mad at her. Of course if I had a do-over I'd make it so we never got in that damn vehicle that night. I was so insistent with our agenda. I was always the drill sergeant bullying all of you into following along." She sighed, struggling with her own ghosts.
"We all loved you for it. We may have bitched and moaned, but we liked having you in charge. You kept us together. If it wasn't for you, I think our group would have split off as soon as we hit high school. Despite everything I will always be grateful of those extra years you gave us," I said truthfully, watching as her eyes filled with tears again.
"I love you, Kat. I've missed you so damn much."
"I love you too, Mac. I'm sorry I've stayed away so long. I was so scared it would hurt even more if I was around you."
"I know, but you can't cut me off again, okay?"
"Promise," I said, holding up my pinkie.
She solemnly linked her pinkie with mine, sealing a bargain.
Talking with her was easier after that. We stayed on her porch late into the night and when we became too tired to talk any longer we crept up to her room and had our first slumber party in two years. I fell asleep feeling freer than I had in a long time. I didn't need an amusement ride after all.
Mac's parents acted like it was perfectly normal for me to be at their breakfast table the next morning. Her dad regaled us with funny stories while he cooked us waffles. Her mom sat in her usual spot sipping her coffee, reminding him to pay attention to the waffles as he exuberantly launched into another story. It was all achingly familiar and made my heart pinch at times, but it also felt so right. I'd missed all this.
After breakfast I swore I'd call her later before I headed for my own apartment feeling lighter. Dr. Carlton would be proud of me in my next session. I would have to savor the moment.
I was smiling when I pulled into my complex, but the smile evaporated when I spotted police cars and ambulances parked in front of my building.
Eighteen
My stomach dropped as I climbed from my vehicle and apprehensively approached my building.
"Stay back," an officer said as I tried to step around the yellow tape that stretched from Carlos' patio to the side of the building.
"I live on the second floor," I said with my heart in my throat when I spotted a sheet covering a body off to the side of Carlos' patio. It rested a few feet from the stairs leading to my apartment.
"You live on the second floor?" he asked.
I nodded, averting my eyes from the sheet.
"You're going to have to wait to visit your apartment. This is a crime scene at the moment. We're going to want to ask you a few questions about the deceased, Carlos Esteban."
I gulped as my eyes moved to the sheet-covered figure. Carlos was dead. My eyes became blurry with tears. I hardly knew him, but during the past year we'd formed an odd sort of friendship. I couldn't believe he was dead.
"How?" I asked, looking back at the cop for answers.
"Stabbing. It looks like the assailant stabbed him in the back when he was entering his apartment. When was the last time you saw the deceased?"
I could physically feel all the color leave my face. Stabbed. Carlos had been murdered. The waffles I'd just consumed churned in my stomach, threatening to come up. "Last night around eight." I swallowed, willing the waffles to stay down. "He was on his porch when I headed out for my run."
"Did you talk to him?"