She gave up on us.
She gave up on me.
Even when I needed her the most, when I was abandoned by the family I’d thought for a moment that I might actually get to be a part of, she just slipped further away.
No wonder I slipped with her.
She opens her mouth, and I know what’s coming next. More accusations. More blame.
This is my fault.
All of this. If I’d just stayed quiet. If I’d never insisted we leave in the first place.
She could put up with my father, after all … so why couldn’t I?
But what she says is surprising, even though it shouldn’t be.
“I’ve been talking to your father again.”
She says the words with force, but the look on her face … she can’t hide the guilt. This is a confession, as much as she desperately tries to make it sound otherwise.
“I tried, Sabrina. I really did. But then these last weeks …”
And there it is.
The blame.
I hold out one hand to stop her. “Weeks?” I say, my voice coming out stronger than I expected. “How long has this really been going on? How long have you been planning this?”
I glance over my shoulder through the window, as if expecting my father to appear in the darkness again.
At first, my mother opens her mouth to disagree, but then she falters. Her eyes flit from mine, and her head hangs.
She doesn’t have to tell me. I already know.
“So this is it, is it?” I say. “You’ve made up your mind?”
She looks up at me, tears glistening at the corners of her eyes. Tears of betrayal.
I won’t stay to hear the words. I can’t.
And suddenly, I look around the tiny cabin, and I feel like a stranger.
I don’t know why I’m here. There’s nothing here for me anymore.
No protection. No family.
My head is pounding, my blood rushing in my ears as I grab another pair of pants and start tugging them on.
“Go ahead mom,” I say as I grab my hoodie and backpack without even looking at her. “This is what you always wanted. So, go ahead and do it. You just can’t expect me to sit around and take it. Not this time.”
I still can’t look. If I look at her then I’m going to cry, and I’m all done with crying.
I’m all done with losing people that I care about.
I’m just going to take care of myself from now on. I may only be seventeen, but I’m the only reliable person I know that won’t abandon me.
She’s saying something to me, but I ignore it. I go out the door and don’t look back. If she really wanted to, she could run down to the end of the driveway and stop me. But she doesn’t, and I didn’t expect that she would.