“Away from me?” he asked. “I just fucking found you and you want to get rid of me already?”
“I’m not trying to get rid of you.”
Not really.
He reached for my hand before pulling us through the empty restaurant to the hostess stand. “Sorry,” he told her, “but we’re not staying. Can you let our waitress know?”
The hostess, clearly still flustered, smiled and nodded as she stared at Walker wide-eyed as he pushed the doors open and strode across the parking lot to my car.
“Don’t do this, Madison. Don’t push me away.”
I turned toward him and winced at seeing the pain so clearly etched between his furrowed brows. “Walker, please. I just need to be alone.” I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my palms against them.
Warm arms wrapped around me and I shook my head, my eyes still covered.
“Look at me,” he said, his tone soft and pleading.
I lowered my hands slowly and opened my eyes to watch his face as he struggled to find the words. Seeing the emotions that battled behind his eyes, I tried to pull away from his grip, but he only held me tighter.
“I don’t want you to go,” he admitted between labored breaths.
I sighed. “I know you don’t. But this is something I need to do. For me. I just need some time. Th-this”—I struggled to find my voice as well—“this is a lot for me to go through in one afternoon.”
He released me and paced in the small space between our cars, walking back an
d forth with his head in his hands. I watched him and waited. My need for space wasn’t meant to hurt or confuse him, but I needed to figure things out. He’d had more than ten minutes to process seeing me, knowing who I was and putting all that information together. I needed the same courtesy.
In the span of a few hours I’d quit my job, and then found out that Walker Rhodes was Scotty, the first boy I’d ever loved. I was abruptly unemployed, thrust into past memories that haunted me, and I wasn’t sure which freaked me out more.
Walker stopped pacing and leaned his body next to mine, our shoulders touching. The feeling I experienced at his closeness underscored the complete conflict of my emotions—how I wanted his hands all over me, yet at the same time needed to be as far away from them as possible. My heart stitched itself back together in his presence, as my head fell apart in jigsaw-puzzle pieces. How could two instincts inside one body be at such complete odds with each other?
The silence lingering between us virtually strangled me and I didn’t know what else to say to him. Finally he said, “I can’t lose you again,” and I almost took back every word I had spoken in the last few minutes.
Almost.
“Walker,” I said, turning my body so I could face him. I wanted to reassure him that everything would be okay, but I didn’t want to lie. My internal conflict raged within me and I simply needed space. “I’m gonna go.”
I pushed past him and opened the door to my car. He stepped aside to allow me through, and when I looked up into his eyes, I winced at the pain I saw there. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” he asked through gritted teeth, as though I’d told him I’d call him next year. “No. Call me later. Call me tonight. I’ll be a fucking wreck.”
I chewed on my bottom lip before shaking my head and repeating, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
As I stepped on the gas to pull away, he didn’t try to stop me and I didn’t try to stay.
Driving away from Walker had been more difficult than I anticipated, but it needed to be done. I craved the peace and tranquility of my condo, and I desperately wanted to talk to Keri. This was too much to deal with alone. I needed my girlfriend. Walker and I hadn’t even touched on the fact that I’d lost my job earlier. My head was swimming with fears…fear for my professional life, and suddenly fears for my personal life as well.
When I finally pulled into my spot at the condo, I was reminded that the paparazzi had me on their radar as a few men loitered around the street, jumping out of their cars the second I arrived. Determined, I gathered my things and shook my head as I walked through them, refusing to look in their direction when they screamed my name and shouted stupid questions.
I had never realized before how hard it was not to look at someone when they call you by name. It’s like an ingrained response to at least make eye contact or acknowledge that you heard them. Keeping my head down, I unlocked the door and closed it tight behind me before heading out the back toward the far stairwell. Without Walker there to block me, I had no desire to be filmed as I waited for the elevator.
My phone beeped and I glanced down at it. The text message was from Walker:
IF YOU CALL ME TONIGHT INSTEAD OF TOMORROW, I WON’T HOLD IT AGAINST YOU. YOU CAN EVEN CALL ME NOW. I PROMISE I WON’T MIND.
Unlocking the front door with a sigh, I stepped inside and pressed my back against it, sliding all the way down to the floor. Instead of focusing on everything I’d learned about Walker today and his latest text message, I forced my mind to deal with the fact that I’d quit my job and had very little money in savings. I knew I’d be able to get by for at least a few months, but I needed to get a new job as soon as possible. And in this town, it wasn’t going to be easy.
Competition for everything here was fierce; especially in the entertainment industry. Feeling like I had royally fucked myself, I pushed up from the floor and headed into my bedroom, typing a text message to Keri on my way.