“Hey, go back to sleep. I’ll be there in a minute,” I said softly, and she smiled at me as she lay back down.
Before stepping into my boxer briefs, I dropped the wet towel to the floor. I glanced at it for a second, hearing Shelby in my head asking me why it was so hard to hang things up. Reaching for it, I tossed it on the hook behind the bathroom door and brushed my teeth, then headed for bed, Claudia still on my mind.
I fluffed the pillow and briefly considered spooning Shelby purely out of guilt. Deciding against it, I turned my back to her and closed my eyes.
Shelby’s warm arms wrapped around my midsection as she snuggled her front against my back. “I’m glad you’re home. Did you have a good night?”
I found her hand with mine and squeezed it. “It was busy, but good. How was yours?”
“I watched a movie while I graded papers. Ate dinner alone. You know, the usual.”
At her words, more guilt surged. Shelby was on her own most nights. I used to tell myself it was because the bar wouldn’t survive an hour without me, but the truth was something I wasn’t ready to confront yet. It seemed like I’d never be ready to confront it.
“I’m sorry,” I said, not really meaning it as I brought her hand to my lips and pressed a quick kiss there.
“I keep thinking that eventually you’ll be able to spend more time away from the bar. You guys have employees now, and you don’t have to be there 24/7. But you’re still there all the time.”
This subject was nothing new. Shelby wanted my time, and I wanted to spend all of it at work.
“It’s hard to give up control over something you own,” I said for what felt like the thousandth time.
“I know,” she said, her voice soft. “I understand.”
Shelby was always understanding, never really fighting with me. Even when she wasn’t happy about something, she swept that shit under the rug and pretended everything was fine, like she could continue hiding her pain from me. I supposed I pretty much did the same thing, avoiding topics that really mattered to maintain the peace.
Or maybe I was simply denying the truth.
My brothers and I were finally in the position to hire employees, which meant the three of us didn’t have to be at the bar every night, but that didn’t matter. We all still showed up, for the most part. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust the people working for us. It’s just the bar was our baby, our pride and joy, and it was hard for me to sit at home at night doing nothing when I could be at my business either working or supervising. Doing something.
It seemed easier for Nick when it came to his day off. He rarely showed up unless Jess was in tow. I didn’t know if it was because he hadn’t been around when the bar first opened like Ryan and I had, so maybe he didn’t feel the attachment to it that we did, or if it was because he was so truly in love that he had found a way to balance his life.
This was too much thinking, too many deep thoughts for almost four in the morning. I needed sleep.
I should have said something reassuring to Shelby, should have told her that I’d try harder or that I’d figure it out, but I didn’t. No, I kept my mouth shut, choosing to close my eyes in the hope that sleep would come quickly. I didn’t want to lie to her and say a bunch of things I didn’t mean but thought I should say out of obligation.
It was getting harder to keep living like this. And the fact that I had been attracted to Claudia tonight certainly didn’t help matters.
Night Off
Frank
The next evening, I found myself standing in the kitchen, doing my best to make Shelby a home-cooked meal. I’d called my mother earlier and asked for her enchilada recipe. Mom offered to come over and help, but I needed to do this on my own. I was a grown-ass man; I could cook dinner for my girlfriend without my mom’s help.
I think.
I’d woken up this morning, guilt still torturing me as I flung my arm across Shelby’s empty pillow. Claudia’s image had filled my mind on more than one occasion throughout the day, and no matter how much I tried to keep her out of my head, it hadn’t worked.
Irritated because I didn’t even know the woman, I’d headed to the store to buy the ingredients needed to make dinner for the woman I should be thinking of at all times. Shelby deserved my effort, so I decided I’d try to do something nice for her since it was my night off.
When she walked through our front door at the end of the day, file folders in her arms, she sniffed the air. Her gaze roamed the condo before landing on me in front of the stove.
A curious smile spread across her face. “What’s all this?” she asked as she laid the folders and her purse on the counter.
“Dinner.” I tried to sound confident. “If I don’t fuck it up.”
We both laughed. It seemed like ages since we’d done that.
“It smells amazing. Is that your mom’s recipe?”